Childminder hit my child

barnaby-bear

moneysaver12 wrote: »

People seem to be forgetting that the child is 3 years old and at that age are still learning about things like danger. It is the cm responabilty to make sure the child doesn't run off. Not all children like shopping and do get bored. If the child runs off regulary then surely it makes sense to have a wrist strap thing, can't remember what they are called. So the child can't run off.

I'd be concerned that the woman LOST the kid; lose your own sure but if you are paid to keep them in tow and have the responsibility of somebody else's you'd be more careful. I wouldn't take on responsibility for someone else's kid and if had to the little blighters would be cable tied or gaffer taped to their buggy or me if needs must.

YorkiePud_3

I told my friend in USA about this .. she is a registered childminder who, at the moment, has 6 under 4 year olds to mind Mondays to Saturdays.

She was aghast about this so-called childminder going shopping with her mother whilst she was supposedly in charge of your child.

Kathy NEVER takes the kids out of the house or garden. Her house is like Fort Knox and so too is her garden ... when it is raining they play games indoors and do activities like crafting, making cards, painting etc ... if it is a good day they are ALL out playing in the garden.

If any of the kids misbehave, she will phone their parents and explain to them what has happened and ask how they want her to handle it.
Like she says, you can arrange beforehand how they want you to be with their children, but the spectrum of misbehaving goes from being mischievious and rude to doing something that could be dangerous, so each time you need the parent's guidance how THEY want you to reprimand the child in that instance.

She says a lot of childminders she knows will tell the child they will tell their parents when they come pick them up what they have done, but as Kathy said, then you have one scared little kid waiting apprehensively for Mom or Dad, knowing they are going to be in trouble and that isn't fair to them.

As I say, she makes a quick phone call to the parents, explains quickly what's happened and then follows what the parents say ... some parents are more lenient than others and so she always checks in with them and goes with how they want her to react ... some just say please just talk to Jr and say what he or she did was wrong, others will say no cookies or pudding after dinner etc ...

What worries me most of all here though is that the childminder didn't let the OP know straightaway what had happened ... makes you wonder what else she is covering up ... I mean, WOULD she have told the OP eventually ... ??

I don't trust the person at all and NO WAY would I leave my child there. Ok, I know it causes bother having to find another childminder so quickly but this one has obviously scared this child to bits and if he doesn't want to stay with her then I think it's not just him playing up, but he really doesn't feel right being with her.

foi1983

mrcow wrote: »

I think it sounds like he was being a very naughty boy. If I were her, I wouldn't want to look after him again. I wouldn't want the responsibilty of a kid who runs off like that.

I would tell her that she's never to let him go on the rides again and tell him that he's never going on them either and why that is.

I would also tell him that as he runs off like a baby, then from now on, he sits in a pram like a baby when he goes out as he can't be trusted to behave.

Are you kidding me?

HE IS 3 YEARS OLD, for goodness sake. He was probably playing a game of hide and seek. If the stupid childminder knew anything about looking after kids, she would know to have taken his pram or a rein or something as they would be in a busy store. The child is not to blame here, the idiotic adult is!

"I would also tell him that as he runs off like a baby, then from now on, he sits in a pram like a baby when he goes out as he can't be trusted to behave."

She should have put him in the pram in the first place. For him to be able to run off and hide, means that she took her eyes off him for a considerable amount of time. For a 3 years old, 60 seconds is a considerable amount of time.

This is not a debate about whether it is okay to smack your child. This is about the childminder who smacked another person's child and did not bother to tell the parent. I would be furious!

Taye

moneysaver12 wrote: »

To me how can you tell a child that they shouldn't smack anyone else but then its ok for a adult to smack the child.

Exactly, how can i in all fairness as a parent teach my child that smacking and hitting is wrong, if i compleately trash this everytime they are naughtie by hitting them? (hitting/smacking are the same thing i don't care how you disguise it)

I belive "by example" is the best way to teach a child, i teach my children that hitting is wrong and therefore i don't belive in hitting my child.

warehouse

jimexbox wrote: »

My wife is a registered childminder and would never dream of using any sort of physical punishment on child, including our own. There are very strict guidelines laid down by ofsted as to how children in your care should be treated, any smacking is definitely a major 'no no'. An Ofsted inspector even told my wife that the 'naughty step' was not on, as it would label the child. Yes, I know, god give me strength. You should have a detailed contract with your childminder, which should detail exactly how your child will be cared for when in their care.

If you are all concerned at all as to the behaviour of any childminder you can complain to Ofsted, who will then send an inspector round to talk to them, then decide if any action is necessary.

Ditto, same here, my wife is a registered childminder. Every little thing regarding how she and her, (minded), children is written down and signed by both parties, including discipline. It doesn't matter how you treat your own children, those you mind are to be treated at the parents request. It's not rocket science. She was wrong and I'd personally have her sign a form stating that physical punishment was not an option with your child.

stokefan

HariboJunkie wrote: »

Did you read the OP? .......

yes i did

"My DS 3 goes to a childminder fulltime and has done so since he was four months old. He seems to adore her and vice versa."

of course a child wont like to go some where where he has been smacked. if you smack your own child, i would immagine the child would run to the other parents arms

foi1983

ChrisCobra wrote: »

Nobody should be allowed to lay hands on your child ever. You shouldnt even have to resort to smacking a child , its even more serious when its a childminder that does it.

Maybe the childminder should be doing her job and keeping an eye on your child rather than daydreaming , if it was me and my OH we would get another minder straight away and put in some serious complaints.

:T My point exactly. She took her eyes off the child for long enough for the 3 year old child to run far enough that it took 10 mins for them to find him.

Nobody, apart from my close family, will be able to smack my children. I dont even smack my nephews/nieces. I just cannot bring myself to do it.
My parents smacked me and I tell you what it did to me....it gave me anger problems. Dont get me wrong, I am not a criminal roaming the streets looking for anyone to beat the crap out of but I do have anger problems.

I have thought about this for a long time and will not be smacking my kids. If I do, it will be a last resort. I will not smack out of anger, which is what a lot of parents do. Any punishment that I dish out must be appropriate to the act commited.

In my opinion, if the only way that you can get your child to obey you and behave, is to smack them then I feel sorry for you. I do not want my kids to fear me..I want them to respect me. I should be able to talk and that is enough.

Violence breeds violence.

barbie_babe

efrieze wrote: »

My concern would be the shopping trip that the CM and her mother were doing - why were they dragging him round M&S and leading to him getting bored and wandering off in the first place. Her focus should, at all times, be about entertaining and stimulating your DS. The care they get at a CM should, in my opinion, be even more child focussed than if you are at home with him and having to do your household chores etc. She is being paid to look after him, after all.

I agree with this quote.
TELL not ask your childminder you do not what her to take your son shopping again. As she took him shopping he was bored and ran off, and she smacked him and you don’t want this to happen again. You also need to ask her for a list of what she does with him every day she cares for him. If she is a good childminder she won’t mind giving you this list, when I was a nanny I had to make a list of daily activities I was going to do with my children I looked after. I respected the parents for asking as it showed they cared about their children and also it gave me a bit of encouragement that the children liked the things I was doing with them. We would update this list when needed such as weather getting warmer/colder.
If she will not go along with this don’t take him back there. If you can’t get time off work to care for him until you can get a new childminder, there are nurseries that will take children at short notice if they have places. Good Luck.

foi1983

moneysaver12 wrote: »

I was smacked by my parents and i resented them for it. What stopped me from being naughty was the respect i had for my parents and also been told off. Why is it acceptable to smack a child yet, if an employer or the police for example smacked someone for doing something wrong then there would be uproar about it.

:T Me too.

There was no talking, no asking if you did it, no 3 chances and then you'll get a smack. It was just BLAMMM, you'd get a slap if they even suspected that you had done something. That is not right.

Don't you get it? Violence breeds violence. If you are taught as a child that wrong doing should be punished with a smack or a punch then that is how you will deal with things in the future.

All these kids, running the streets, stabbing people. Do you think that there problem is lack of discipline. I can bet you that 99% of these kids were smacked/beaten when they were kids. The problem is, that is the only way they were punished...by smacking and that is why they think that any wrong doing towards them should be rectified by beating the cr*p out of the person who did it.

The only way they know how to deal with situations is to be violent because that is what they were taught. If you're naughty, you will get a smack.

Caroline73_2

foi1983 wrote: »

She should have put him in the pram in the first place.

He's 3, perfectly capable of walking. No wonder we have a generation of obese children if 3 year olds should be in prams!!!