Childminder hit my child

gabyjane

Ok from a childminders point of view (have flicked through the posts quickly) i personally would have had the child on a wrist strap if he was prone to running off but in a shopping centre he would have had one on anyway as kids do wander..
I minded a child a while ago who was very hard work when we went out, i always had him on a wrist strap at the age of 3+ as he was always running riot..i imagine in a shopping centre the same but i would NEVER smack the children as not my kids..

gabyjane

Ah another bit i forgot was when i started minding 4 years ago i looked after a child, little angel and we had a lovely first couple of days, then the mum pulled over at school and said to me out of the blue 'my dd says you hit her yesterday'??? i almost died and said she should ring me as soon as she could and we could discuss, i almost burst into tears there and then and was devastated as completely untrue..the mum kind of brushed it off and said 'oh dont worry it's fine see you tommorow' i disagreed and explained how much trouble i could get into with things like that being said..she agreed and the child amost 5 said she had made it up..so they do tell storys at times..not saying this child has but it does happen.

foi1983

Hello Noodledoodle78,

I think this thread has gone a little bit off topic.

I am sure that you didnt come here for judgment so I will give a response to your original question.

You asked what we think. This is what I think:

Let us look at the facts:

• You took your child to the childminder, who then took him shopping with her mother whilst she was on the job, so to speak. I am not sure how you feel about this but in my opinion, this is an issue. If she worked in an office, would she be able to leave and go M&S when she wanted to? No. Her job is to mind your child. She should be doing things he enjoys, things to stimulate his mind, teaching him things instead she has dragged a 3 year old child shopping.

• Whilst not properly minding your child, she took him out without a pram or child reins and left him unattended for a period of time. However long or short this period of time was, she still left your child unattended. He was able to run and hide somewhere and could not be found for 10 mins. This seems very serious to me. It would be different if he had started running off and she saw him in the corner of her eye and saw exactly where he was running to but in this case she absolutely had no clue where he was. Alarm bells should be ringing in your ears noodledoodle78. Did you ask her how long she took her eyes off your child for? This was because she was paying more attention to clothes/food shopping then your child.

• She then smacked your child. This smack was not a well thought out punishment but was a spur of the moment smack because she panicked/was angry. Is that the sort of person that you want to look after your child? Lets put the smack outside for now. The fact is that she was angry when she punished your child. She has admitted that she did not think before she did it. She obviously cannot cope in high pressured situations.

• Now lets get on to the smack itself. Did you expressly tell her to not smack your child? or did she just tell you that she doesnt do smacking? It seems like a strange thig to say. In my opinion something so important should have been addressed before you handed your child over to the childminder. If it had been addressed properly thenthe phrase "I don't do smacking" wouldn't have needed to be said. You would have just told her "to not smack your child" and she would have said "okay then I will not do it as you do not want me to". "I don't do smacking would have not come into it because its not about whether she does smacking or not - it's about you telling her not to smack your child.

• She did not tell you that she smacked your child, your 3 year son had to tell you. That alone has really angered me. What if your child hadnt told you and she did it again? Why did she not tell you? I tell you why...she knew that what she had done was wrong and instead of being a responsible child minder, she kept it from you and thought that your child was not smart enough to tell you.I bet she didnt bank on your bright son grassing her up. Stupid woman.

I dont know your work situation noodle but if this had happened to me I would have done the following:

1. Explained to my child that he should not have run off and that it was naughty of him and that the childminder was worried and that's why she smacked him. But that smacking him was very wrong and she is indeed a naughty girl and that he will not be going there again because of what she did.
2. After you have told him off, give him a big hug for telling mummy that the childminder did something naughty. He is obviously a bright spark. Also remind him that no one is allowed to smack him and that if anyone does he should tell mummy or daddy.
3. Phone the childminder asking what happened, why she smacked your child when you told her not to smack him, if this has happened before and why she didnt tell you?
4. With regards to reporting her, that is down to you. I will say this though...she didnt tell you that she smacked your child, he did. How do you know that it has happened before to your child or any other child?
5. Don't second guess yourself. You are not to blame for someone else's actions. You are trying your best to be a mother and also work at the same time. It is not easy and people may judge you for it but so what? You know you love your child. Give yourself a hug!

Whatever happens, I hope your son is okay because that's really what matter.

foi1983

mrcow wrote: »

Are you kidding me?

A three year old is more than old enough to understand that you're not to run off in a shop. Or hide when you're being called.

If the child was 18 months, then perhaps your post would be more relevent? Or perhaps you're more used to out of control three year olds than I am?

Okay, I agree but I still don't think the smack was appropriate and she should have been watching him.

jellyhead

Caroline73 wrote: »

He's 3, perfectly capable of walking. No wonder we have a generation of obese children if 3 year olds should be in prams!!!

The childminders I see who go for a walk while other children are in their 2.5 hour funded nursery session have prams for the roads etc. but they make sure the children are regularly walking or getting exercise when they're in a safe place. Some of these children are 3 because the nursery only has a september intake.

They'd go in the pram on the way to a toddler group or play session in the early learning centre, then get out once they got there.

I can't imagine putting my 3 year old in a pram for town, but we do still have it and it goes to theme parks, farms etc. if we'll be walking for miles. If the childminder lives 2 miles from town or is dropping off at various schools/nurseries etc. then I can see a need for a 3 year old to need a pram for part of that walk.

I've heard people judging a woman from nursery for using a pram in town, but it's almost a mile from nursery so she has to walk from home to nursery then to town, around town, back to nursery to collect older child and then all the way home - I noticed that everyone sneering at her for using a pram was travelling by car! They have no idea what it's like to walk for one mile let alone 4.

foi1983

mrcow wrote: »

Are you kidding me?

A three year old is more than old enough to understand that you're not to run off in a shop. Or hide when you're being called.

If the child was 18 months, then perhaps your post would be more relevent? Or perhaps you're more used to out of control three year olds than I am?

Okay, I agree with that but dont agree with the smack or the fact that he was not being properly watched over when he did a runner.

jellyhead

Sorry - to the OP - no it's not okay to smack your child.

How many days/hours per week is he with her, and can't she do her clothes shopping/socialising on her days off? I assume you are paying her a proper fee?

It sounds like your boy is often incredibly bored while with her, if hiding in clothes rails is a habit. Does she make time to play with him properly? do they paint, bake, play with playdough etc?

If he's often dragged to shops then I'd think about alternative childcare - perhaps a nursery where he'll be with other children instead of women talking about clothes. When does he start school?

The childminders I know drop their older ones off at nurseries, playgroups for 2 year olds etc. so that the children socialise with their own age group and get to know the children who they'll be at school with. Perhaps your childminder could find a playgroup or nursery setting (free with the NEG funding for 2.5 hours a day) and do her shopping and socialising during that period?

foreign_correspondent

noodledoodle78 wrote: »

Can I please reiterate again we had spoken about smacking and the childminder assured me previously that she did not smack!

I would sack her and report her - as well as smacking him (in a situation which sounds like it was close to being smacking in anger too!) she has lied to you - where is her professional integrity? Obviously her conscience did not spark her to give you a ring and let you know about it after the event.

As for dragging the poor little one round marks and sparks - that is hardly the sort of stimulation and education you are paying for, and as someone else said, is her mum police cleared and properly vetted?

She sounds extremely unprofessional to me, and is paid to work, to look after your son, not to do her shopping, lose your child then wallop him... as a result of her own mistake.. it is clearly her responsibility to hold onto the child, not vice versa.

If I was a parent about to hire and pay for a childminder, I would want know if this was her past history - I do not feel she is taking her responsibility seriously, and when she is in charge of a vulnerable child, and is paid to be caring for him in a professional capacity that is simply not acceptable!

Professionalism is a different thing in many cases to treating the child 'like your own' - many parents admit they could do far more with their with their own kids, and spend much of their time with them watching TV, doing the ironing etc, whereas a childminder is trained and employed to act in a specific capacity, with expertise and skills, delivering the early years curriculum and developing the little ones skills and confidence - she should be spending her time with him carrying out activities for him (such as baking, playing, art, games etc) not activities for herself (shopping with her mother, where your son seems to have been too much bother to even watch properly)

mrcow

foi1983 wrote: »

Okay, I agree with that but dont agree with the smack or the fact that he was not being properly watched over when he did a runner.

People have differing ways of disciplining children.

If the OP has never raised the issue of acceptable methods of punishment with the childminder then it's the OPs fault.

They are the parent and buck stops with them.

To be honest, any sympathy I had for the OP vanished the moment she said that she took her kid back there after the incident. As a responsible parent - you NEVER leave your kids with anyone who you are not 100% happy with.

Analyse, critique the childminder all you like......but it's the parent who is ultimately responsible here.

foreign_correspondent

mrcow wrote: »

People have differing ways of disciplining children.

If the OP has never raised the issue of acceptable methods of punishment with the childminder then it's the OPs fault.

They are the parent and buck stops with them.

To be honest, any sympathy I had for the OP vanished the moment she said that she took her kid back there after the incident. As a responsible parent - you NEVER leave your kids with anyone who you are not 100% happy with.

Analyse, critique the childminder all you like......but it's the parent who is ultimately responsible here.

It is not solely a private matter, the childminder is acting illegally, and as a trained professional should face the consequences, just as you, I or anyone else should, if we act in a way that contravenes not only good practice, but legislation - the childminder is responsible for her actions, no one else:
http://www.stockportexpress.co.uk/news/s/1047532_tears_flow_as_childminder_is_named_and_shamed

- as a trained, paid practitioner, the childminder is responsible for her own actions, no one else is to blame for her acting in this manner!