Childminder hit my child

OrkneyStar

itsalldrivingmemad wrote: »

All people that have regular contact with the children in the childminders home have to be ofsted chacked and stuff - my old childminders husband and parents who lived close by had to be vetted

Thanks, I thought that might be the case.

foi1983

noodledoodle78 wrote: »

Hoping you can offer some advice/ opinions on this one....

My DS 3 goes to a childminder fulltime and has done so since he was four months old. He seems to adore her and vice versa.

I went to pick my ds up after work from my parents who collect him from the childminder every day. They told me that my ds had run away from the childminder whilst out shopping. He seemed really unhappy and kept saying "**** smacked my bum. I am not a bad boy mummy I am a good boy. " I must admit I dismissed it out of hand that she had smacked him and was just concerned that he was safe and OK.

When I got home I spoke to my OH and we agreed that we would phone the childminder and find out what had happened. I was a bit annoyed that she had not contacted me herself to let me know what had happened.

She told me that on Friday they were in a shopping centre with the childminder's mum and my ds "ran away". They were in M&S and he was hiding under the clothes rails as apparently he normally does. Only this time he did not come out. Apparently they spent about 10 minutes racing around trying to find him. They eventually got hold of a security guard and the whole shopping centre was about to be locked down when they found him on one of the rides in the main mall. They had told him he would be allowed on the ride after they had done their shopping and it seems he just wandered off.

She admitted straight away that she smacked him as she was so worried and upset when he had gone missing and wanted to make sure he understood the seriousness of what he had done. She said she treats him as one of her own and that is what she would have done with her own children. She said she would probably get the sack for admitting this in a joking way.

I told her I understood why she did it as I didn't know what else to say.

I can understand that both the CM and her mum were frantic with worry but my OH is adamant that she should not have smacked him. It was not her decision to make.

What worries me is that there have been a number of times previously when my ds has told me that he has been smacked. I understand that kids can make things up - I had previously dismissed this when he had told me, but after Friday I am wondering whether or not this may have happened before. I am not for one minute suggesting she is constantly abusing - I just think she may be using this as a form of punishment if he is naughty.

I brought him to the childminder today and she just shrugged off what had happened. My DS was really unhappy to be there and kept telling me tha the childminder was a naughty girl. I have told him that no-one is allowed to smack him and he must tell me if it happens and to tell the childminder that she is not allowed to smack him.

What do you think?

Oh my God! I have just re read this post and noticed the bit in bold.

So it is more than likely that this parasite has smacked your child before. What exactly are you waiting for Noodle, for her to smack him one day and really hurt him? What are you scared of? What is more important to you, that your child is being hurt or hurting this childminder's feelings?

F&*k the childminder's feelings. Confront her about what your child has said. Why did you take him back? There seems to be more to this than you're letting on Noodle. Is she even a registered childminder? Does she childmind him on the cheap? Is that why you are going to allow your child to go to a childminder who will not respect your instructions and continue to hurt your child.

I feel sorry for your child in all this. You have told him to tell you if someone smacks him and he obeys you and then you dont even believe him. For God's sake Noodle he is looking to you as his mother for you to help him in this situation. Be his mother please!!!

foreign_correspondent

itsalldrivingmemad wrote: »

All people that have regular contact with the children in the childminders home have to be ofsted chacked and stuff - my old childminders husband and parents who lived close by had to be vetted

let's hope she has been honest about her mum seeing the kids then - after all she has concealed/lied about smacking, so I am not sure i would rely on her integrity.

dollydoodah

OrkneyStar wrote: »

Did you tell her not to smack him ? If so then this is not on.

You shouldn't HAVE to tell a childminder not to smack a child the same way you shouldn't have to tell a teacher not to smack. It is the law.

PasturesNew

What was she doing dragging him out shopping with her mum and taking her eye off him?

Was she childminding, or fannying about looking at new clothes and nattering?

queen_of_string

I didnt recognise when this and similar things were happening to my son when he was 18 months to 2 1/2 and he was too little to tell me. If she is smacking him, then there are probably other punishments and unfairnesses and discriminations going on in my experience. My son still remembers what happened to him and is angry at how badly he was treated when he was so small and vulnerable. He's now 15 and would cheerfully hurt the woman who treated him this way still. He was never bruised or battered but emotionally it has had an impact. Listen to what your son is telling you in words and by his behaviour, yes it will cause hardship in the short term, maybe you also loose a friend, but your son will learn that mummy steps up to the mark when required. I think I only got my son's respect back in this respect when I went and told his dad he didnt want to go there any more (only last year). Your son needs to see you step up to the mark here.

twentypenceoff

PasturesNew wrote: »

What was she doing dragging him out shopping with her mum and taking her eye off him?

Was she childminding, or fannying about looking at new clothes and nattering?

she says the child hid under the rail as he had before suggesting that going to m and s was a regular thing which bored the child rigid every time.

BallandChain

queen_of_string wrote: »

I didnt recognise when this and similar things were happening to my son when he was 18 months to 2 1/2 and he was too little to tell me. If she is smacking him, then there are probably other punishments and unfairnesses and discriminations going on in my experience. My son still remembers what happened to him and is angry at how badly he was treated when he was so small and vulnerable. He's now 15 and would cheerfully hurt the woman who treated him this way still. He was never bruised or battered but emotionally it has had an impact. Listen to what your son is telling you in words and by his behaviour, yes it will cause hardship in the short term, maybe you also loose a friend, but your son will learn that mummy steps up to the mark when required. I think I only got my son's respect back in this respect when I went and told his dad he didnt want to go there any more (only last year). Your son needs to see you step up to the mark here.

Your son is 15 and has been with a child minder until last year? I think I must be reading this wrong. Hang on I think you mean you told his dad last year.

I've read the whole thread and wondered if this child minder is registered. I found it odd that the child minder smacked the little boy when she found him. You'd think she would be relieved but it sounds like she hit him out of anger due to having her 'shopping experience' ruined. Please OP, do not send your child back to her care, she isn't fit to look after children.

foreign_correspondent

BallandChain wrote: »

Please OP, do not send your child back to her care, she isn't fit to look after children.

and please report her, if she is a registered childminder - if she isnt fit to look after your child, she isnt fit to look after any other child either - please dont let another parent have to find out as you did, and another child to be hit by her.

lisawood78

My SIL is a registered childminder, and I socialise with her on a very regular basis, drop in for cups of tea on almost a daily basis, and I have been vetted because of the frequency of my presence at her home whilst her 'charges' are there.
But, before anyone says that she should be working and not chatting to me, I usually drop by during nap time, or if not i help out with the kids (all the parents are informed of any visitors to the home and are happy with this)
So childminders do have a level of 'normal' life whilst doing their job, when you work at home I guess it is inevitable but I agree going on what seems to be a clothes shopping jaunt with the minders mother seems unreasonable.
I too would be asking further questions about the possibility of this happening before.