Childminder hit my child

a8amg

peachyprice wrote: »

No, it isn't. Regardless of whether or not methods of punishment had been discussed, it is totally inappropriate for a childminder to smack a child in her care, even if a parent has requested it.

A decent ofsted inspected, registered childminder would never smack a child, under any circumstances.

Looks like you need you bum smacking

OrkneyStar

noodledoodle78 wrote: »

Hoping you can offer some advice/ opinions on this one....

My DS 3 goes to a childminder fulltime and has done so since he was four months old. He seems to adore her and vice versa.

I went to pick my ds up after work from my parents who collect him from the childminder every day. They told me that my ds had run away from the childminder whilst out shopping. He seemed really unhappy and kept saying "**** smacked my bum. I am not a bad boy mummy I am a good boy. " I must admit I dismissed it out of hand that she had smacked him and was just concerned that he was safe and OK.

When I got home I spoke to my OH and we agreed that we would phone the childminder and find out what had happened. I was a bit annoyed that she had not contacted me herself to let me know what had happened.

She told me that on Friday they were in a shopping centre with the childminder's mum and my ds "ran away". They were in M&S and he was hiding under the clothes rails as apparently he normally does. Only this time he did not come out. Apparently they spent about 10 minutes racing around trying to find him. They eventually got hold of a security guard and the whole shopping centre was about to be locked down when they found him on one of the rides in the main mall. They had told him he would be allowed on the ride after they had done their shopping and it seems he just wandered off.

She admitted straight away that she smacked him as she was so worried and upset when he had gone missing and wanted to make sure he understood the seriousness of what he had done. She said she treats him as one of her own and that is what she would have done with her own children. She said she would probably get the sack for admitting this in a joking way.

I told her I understood why she did it as I didn't know what else to say.

I can understand that both the CM and her mum were frantic with worry but my OH is adamant that she should not have smacked him. It was not her decision to make.

What worries me is that there have been a number of times previously when my ds has told me that he has been smacked. I understand that kids can make things up - I had previously dismissed this when he had told me, but after Friday I am wondering whether or not this may have happened before. I am not for one minute suggesting she is constantly abusing - I just think she may be using this as a form of punishment if he is naughty.

I brought him to the childminder today and she just shrugged off what had happened. My DS was really unhappy to be there and kept telling me tha the childminder was a naughty girl. I have told him that no-one is allowed to smack him and he must tell me if it happens and to tell the childminder that she is not allowed to smack him.

What do you think?

Did you tell her not to smack him ? If so then this is not on.
TBH what is she doing shopping in M and S with her mum when she should be looking after your DS ? You would not try to do your job and shop in M and S at the same time. She is paid to look after your child, not browse round shops! It is her fault he was put in this situation and imho she is not a fit childminder!

a8amg

OrkneyStar wrote: »

Did you tell her not to smack him ? If so then this is not on.
TBH what is she doing shopping in M and S with her mum when she should be looking after your DS ? You would not try to do your job and shop in M and S at the same time. She is paid to look after your child, not browse round shops! It is her fault he was put in this situation and imho she is not a fit childminder!

Do you never go shopping with your child, are you able to look after them while you shop...

poet123

She lost him, so clearly she is not able to do so. Also it is one thing nipping out to the shops for a forgotten item, and another to be clothes shopping with you rmother in M&S when you are doing your job. It seems as if the lines between work and home are too blurred here.

If she expects (which I assume she does) to be accorded professional standing and industry rates, and is a registered childminder, then she needs to adhere to a more formal code than if she was, for example, just doing a friend a favour and minding her child. You cannot have it both ways.

Curlywurli

a8amg wrote: »

Do you never go shopping with your child, are you able to look after them while you shop...

I think the point is that her job is to childmind, not go to M&S. I wouldn't take my class to the shops when I'm supposed to be teaching them. What would your boss say if you said that you were going to the shops while you were supposed to be at work?

I don't think this is an easy situation, obviously a childminder is not allowed to smack, but if you are aware of it happening and as the op hasn't said anything before, she would probably be surprised by the sudden concern.

peachyprice

mrcow wrote: »

And regardless of your opinion on what is or what isn't appropriate disciplinewise, that is not necessarily the opinion of others.

But it isn't just my opinion, is it. It's a point in law, which the childminder agreed to adhere to when she registered.

foi1983

mrcow wrote: »

People have differing ways of disciplining children.

If the OP has never raised the issue of acceptable methods of punishment with the childminder then it's the OPs fault.

They are the parent and buck stops with them.

To be honest, any sympathy I had for the OP vanished the moment she said that she took her kid back there after the incident. As a responsible parent - you NEVER leave your kids with anyone who you are not 100% happy with.

Analyse, critique the childminder all you like......but it's the parent who is ultimately responsible here.

Hey,

I know people have different ways of disciplining their children but that's not the issue here. The OP told her not to smack him and she did. I personally do no think the OP addressed the smacking issue properly when she handed her child over to the childminder but thats not for me to judge.

"To be honest, any sympathy I had for the OP vanished the moment she said that she took her kid back there after the incident. As a responsible parent - you NEVER leave your kids with anyone who you are not 100% happy with."

I totally agree with you.

itsalldrivingmemad

a8amg wrote: »

Do you never go shopping with your child, are you able to look after them while you shop...

I tend to agree that shopping and leisure activities should take place when NOT working.

Her Work is to look after 'Child Mind' children.

Nipping to the local shops etc fine but big shops at the supermarket and clothes shopping in my opinion should be done in the Childminders own time.

OrkneyStar

a8amg wrote: »

Do you never go shopping with your child, are you able to look after them while you shop...

Of course my child comes shopping with me, but it is easier if I can go alone sometimes too, less stressful for me and DS (who is normally playing cars with DH).
It seems here that the childminder was not able to combine shopping and working very well, and as her job is to be looking after the child then the shopping could wait.
Also she was with her mother....where does she fit in in all of this ? Is it normal for childminders to socialise while working (I only ask as I have limited knowledge of minders).
Hope this answers your question.
It is up to OP however to deal with this, to set firm boundaries regarding what is acceptable and not acceptable, any breaches should be treated seriously and at the least it should make her question whether she is the best childminder for her child.

itsalldrivingmemad

OrkneyStar wrote: »

Also she was with her mother....where does she fit in in all of this ? Is it normal for childminders to socialise while working (I only ask as I have limited knowledge of minders).
H.

All people that have regular contact with the children in the childminders home have to be ofsted chacked and stuff - my old childminders husband and parents who lived close by had to be vetted