Childminder hit my child

foreign_correspondent

consultant31 wrote: »

The posters who suggest that she be reported to Ofsted are going too far until you've got to the bottom of why the CM had taken the child out shopping in the first place, how she had managed to lose him and ultimately why she felt the need to smack him.

So, someone who is employed in a position of trust (looking after a small child, one of the most vulnerable members of society), and breaks not only good practice guidelines (which would be worrying enough) but by her own admission, actually breaks the law - and you think she should be left to get on with it - I think she needs scrutinising by the professional body that regulates her field of work, as this affects not only the OP's child but any others that she now looks after, or may look after in the future.

It is for the professionals to 'get to the bottom of why' and decide whether she is fit to look after children, not for the OP to assess, and I think whe you know someone in a position of trust has broken the law there is a duty to let someone know who can look into the case properly.

poet123

I think that if as the OP suspects the CM has smacked before this incident then I would report her to Ofsted,or rather the local council who regulate childminders.

If, I was sure this was a one off reaction in the heat of the moment, and borne out of relief that the child had been found safely, then I would be inclined to make my feelings known and remove my child (because of his reaction) but to stop short of reporting her officially. I would also be having words re the apprpriateness of shopping with young kids in tow,kids that she is supposed to be employed to entertain.

Mojisola

poet123 wrote: »

If, I was sure this was a one off reaction in the heat of the moment, and borne out of relief that the child had been found safely, then I would be inclined to make my feelings known and remove my child (because of his reaction) but to stop short of reporting her officially. I would also be having words re the apprpriateness of shopping with young kids in tow,kids that she is supposed to be employed to entertain.

I've never understood this reaction - I was so worried you might be hurt that now I've found you, I'm going to hit you!

poet123

I think it stems from the fact that yes, you are relieved,but then you begin to get annoyed that your child would do this and get you in such a state. Sometimes a short, sharp shock, makes the point more clearly than a barrage of words ever can. That said, I have four kids and can count on one hand the number of times I have smacked them.

KellyWelly

I lost my son once - I was so relieved when I found him I cried hysterically, it never crossed my mind to smack him. He was 3 years old and it wasn't his fault, it was mine and my husband's.

I can't understand OP why you took him back there today and even when he was visibly upset you left him there. Is your job THAT important that you couldn't take a day or two of compassionate leave? I like working and the benefits I get from it, including the money, but I could never put my needs or my job over those of my children.

KittyKate

I am not here to have a go at parents who smack, but in my personal opinion, smacking is the last bastion of the carer who is out of ways to control a situation in any other way. I associate it with pulling rank - I'm bigger than you and I can hurt you. Rather than teach the child what they did was wrong or dangerous, it just threatens them with 'if you do that again and I'm around/I find out, you will be physically harmed'.

In this situation, your childminder misled you regarding her stance on smacking, and she did not inform you of a serious incident (serious enough to badly upset and worry your son). He mentions she has hit him previously and considering she has admitted hitting him now, there is no reason to suggest the poor mite isn't telling the truth.

So, we have a childminder who lies (or rather, omits the truth), goes shopping for clothes with her mother whilst on paid childminding time, lets your son wander off (what if a busy road had been outside the shop? what if? You pay a childminder to protect against the what ifs as much as she or he can), then smacks him when she finds him. Hardly a catch!

He doesn't want to stay with the 'naughty lady'. Consider it from his point of view and do what's right by your son - get a new childminder.

milliebear00001

dgl1001 wrote: »

Interesting one. We have told our child minder to punish as appropriate, including smacking, but only in exceptional circumstances. From what has been described, it sounds like an exceptional circumstance. A child must understand that they can't just wonder off for safety reasons. As for the whole smacking debate, i remember as a 3 year old running out into the road in front of incoming traffic. My dad gave me an appropriate smack (a hard one). While it may have hurt, and im sure people would argue that he shouldn't have done it; i never walked out in front of incoming traffic again; which may have altimately saved my life.

The difference here though, is that your child minder had your permission to smack. The OP's did not and smacked anyway.

lolababy

I dont think ruining this womans life is fair. In saying that I dont think she should smack a child in her care. Its a really difficult situation but there is a difference between a smacked bottom and abuse.
The best thing for you to do would be to sit down with her and tell her that you think the smacking was out of order and that its upset your son and yourself. I think that her reaction was more out of concern and upset, than malice.
Its up to you if you choose another childminder but Id consider the upheavel for your son. If you dont have trust in her then remove your child. Its up to you if you contact the powers that be but consider your reasons carefully.

pretzelnut

lolababy wrote: »

I dont think ruining this womans life is fair. She could ruin the boys life, she has failed this child in moreways than 1 and has shown that she is uncapable of doing her job corectly. As i said earlier there are 14 standards of care that ofted require as a bare minimum and she has failed this child on 3 of the most inportant ones.

In saying that I dont think she should smack a child in her care, No she shouldnt it's against the regualtions and is totally wrong. The child should feel safe and protected regardless of the situation.

Its a really difficult situation but there is a difference between a smacked bottom and abuse. Not as a childminder in a position of trust. Physical contact is physical contact regardless of the form it is taking, there are several types of abuse and many different forms it can take.

The best thing for you to do would be to sit down with her and tell her that you think the smacking was out of order and that its upset your son and yourself. Too right the OP should but if the childminder had done this with the child in the 1st place instead of lashing out the childminder wouldnt be in this position now.

I think that her reaction was more out of concern and upset, than malice. It doesnt matter what her motive was it should never happen ever, and OFSTED will in no uncertain terms accept that as justifed.

Its up to you if you choose another childminder but Id consider the upheavel for your son. Yes she should, the child is unhappy, upheaving him would be the best thing for him, as he will be in a better environment where he can feel safe, and free from the threat that the childminder might lose control again at any minute.

If you dont have trust in her then remove your child. Its up to you if you contact the powers that be but consider your reasons carefully.

As a childminder she will have attended a child protection course and will know thather behaviour will get here in a lot of trouble. All she has trie to do is cover her own back, she has not protected this child but is only out to look after herself.

JoannaA_2

I had a similar situation many years ago when my oldest was not quite 2. Your son is upset about what happened- I don't think you can continue to send him to this childminder at all. I know every argument that goes through your head because at the back of your mind there is always the sneaky thought that it is partly your fault because you weren't there- somehow it is far worse and more frightening for the child to be disciplined by someone other than you - for the child I mean. Please find a nursery for him.