Daughter lying about boys, keeping secrets

Poppy9

Jakg wrote: »

Originally Posted by Mutter
Go and take a look at his previous posts Jakg. Very upsetting. Some are defunct now. They were worse.
That poor little girly.

According to his other posts:

Quote:
Originally Posted by Glen0000
14 yr old boys dont watch films at the cinema! I got my first blow job on the back row of the Odeon. Happy times!

Quote:

Originally Posted by Glen0000
Our daughter is the same. Like you said at her age both me and her mum were out with friends and parents came second fiddle, which is the proper order of things in order for them to gain independance!

Our daughter seems to want to spend all her time with us, which we do worry about. She does not even express an interest in doing her own thing. She is quite childish for her age, so we are hoping in time she will mature. Don't want to force her from the nest, but also worry her social skills are lacking and she will find it hard to catch up.
According to his other posts:

Mixed messages, much?

Based on these posts I don't understand why you are giving the OP such a roasting.

So what if he had his first sexual experience at 14, that is nothing to do with his post on this thread. Also the second post of him saying his DD is socially immature, what is wrong with him saying that.

Am I missing something?

Most parents know that their hopes/expectations of their children conflict with the reality of how they behaved at that age. I smoked as a teen but I would not be happy if my DD did. Is that a mixed message to state on one thread about my first fag and then to post another thread asking what I should do because my DD is smoking?

Taking the OP on face value I read his OP as being in a bit of a state of shock. Imagine how you would feel if a friend came around, a friend who was obviously unhappy with the events, to inform you of what happened? The OP might have been thinking that there wasn't really an issue but as the friend was so upset perhaps he was taking it too lightly.

Focusing on the child lying to him and his wife bit might just be trying to find an excuse to be angry for what he really believes is a normal occurance but is not sure his reaction is right based on friend's reaction.

foreign_correspondent

Glen0000 wrote: »

Some very very nasty personal comments on here. I would appreciate it if a mod removed this thead. Once again theads on MSN have led to personal attacks.

I don't know where you all get off on being nasty to a stranger. Obviously you are all perfect.

As someone said. If my daughter got pregnant at 13, you would be the first ones on my case.

There are also some very helpful, well considered, informative and honest posts, which I hope you will find useful. Ignore or report any posts you feel are rude or abusive, but why delete the thread?

Glen0000

foreign_correspondent wrote: »

There are also some very helpful, well considered, informative and honest posts, which I hope you will find useful. Ignore or report any posts you feel are rude or abusive, but why delete the thread?

Yes there are. I will report the posts. Thank you.

tiamai_d

Mutter wrote: »

That is so sweet, lol. I could happily scrunch you up as I would my own daughter. Stay well, you and baby T. x

It's sweet until I put the kettle in the oven... or the milk in the microwave! Or I drive all the way to asda before realising I was actually headed home! :rotfl:

Glen0000

Poppy9 wrote: »

Taking the OP on face value I read his OP as being in a bit of a state of shock.

Yes, we feel we have let her down on lots of levels We have not had the "boys may pressure you" chat as we did not think she was interested in boys yet and we never thought she would be at risk as she is never alone with boys long enough for anything to happen.

As stated in previous posts she is immature for her age, mentally acts around 10 or so, still plays with brats dolls etc. At times we have worried she has a learning difficulty.

We want to deal with this in a sensible way as not to scare our DD, but also ensure she is not at any risk.

gibboelli

Glen0000 wrote: »

As stated in previous posts she is immature for her age, mentally acts around 10 or so, still plays with brats dolls etc. At times we have worried she has a learning difficulty.

.

Hey, I'm 20 and I still play with Barbie Dolls! I also happen to have an IQ of 150 and am getting married next year, dont diss the dollies!

foreign_correspondent

Glen0000 wrote: »

As stated in previous posts she is immature for her age, mentally acts around 10 or so, still plays with brats dolls etc. At times we have worried she has a learning difficulty.

We want to deal with this in a sensible way as not to scare our DD, but also ensure she is not at any risk.

That is the transition from childhood to adulthood for you - I can remember being invited to a barbecue aged about 13 and thinking it would be fun, but then when I got there I was told to sit on the adults table...

My mum's friend was clearly trying to be kind and treat me as a grown up, which I probably often protested I was, but I clearly remember feeling very lonely and out of it, and wanting to go and sit on the kids table with my friends and little brother, where they were all lauging and messing about.

I remember suddenly feeling as if I didn't belong in either world, and having a very clear realisation that I was no longer a child, but I didnt have anything in common with the adults, or the confidence to chat with them.

I actually went off to the loo and had a cry about it.

Likewise, many of the teenage girls I have worked with have a veneer of sophistication and wordliness, but also have the desire to cling onto the comforts of childhood. I think its difficult to be a teenage boy too - often they appear to be big, strong, even threatening, when if the truth be known, they are often full of insecurity.

Let her play with her dolls and don't make her feel self concious (well, any more than she will already!) - think about how many grown men and women have train sets, and those weird baby dolls and other similar playthings...playing is no bad thing, for children and adults alike!

Just let her be happy and loved and approve of her - and please dont think a kiss means she will be rushing to have sex anytime soon! However, I am pretty sure that the less approval she gets at home the more she will look elsewhere for it, (approval is a human need, don't under-estimate it) and in my experience, the girls with low self-esteem are very often the ones who are most easily persuaded to sleep with someone who makes them feel attractive and appreciated.

If I were you my priorities would be making sure she knows she is loved and approved off and laying off any criticism as much as possible. It seems to be human nature to be critical of kids, even parents who think they are very encouraging tend to make far more negative statements to their kids than they do positive ones, so I am not singling you out here. In a piece of research I read, where teenagers were asked to make a note of negative comments and positive comments aimed at them, the negative outweighed the positive by a ratio of 10:1.

melancholly

i didn't tell my parents about my boyfriend until a few months in and also told them in a 'i'm seeing someone but i don't want to talk about' way.... i think i was 23! telling parents makes something 'serious' and 'official', even when you're an adult and until i was sure i didn't want to have to introduce them.

13 is just a difficult age between childhood and being a teenager. i think the fact that a girl is still enjoying being a kid then and not rushing to be a teenager is great and should be encouraged. not everyone needs to be an adult at 14!

if there is any issue of a learning difficulty, the people to speak to are her teachers. they will have seen lots of children and will be able to pick up any signs. although if she's 13 and nothing has been mentioned, it seems unlikely.... trying to wrap her in cotton wool while also worrying that she isn't trying to act all grown up seems a bit confused to me!

Becles

Glen0000 wrote: »

As stated in previous posts she is immature for her age, mentally acts around 10 or so, still plays with brats dolls etc. At times we have worried she has a learning difficulty.

I think that's normal behaviour to be honest. I can remember trying to act grown up with friends when I was that age, but when I was in my bedroom alone, I still liked playing with my dolls house.

My eldest son is 12 and mature for his age and acts grown up at times, yet last night, he was playing with a Brio wooden train set that he's had since he was a toddler.

It's a confusing time as you never know if you are supposed to act grown up or childish and she may have different persona's depending on who she is with. She may act childish at home if she feels you still want her to be a child, but then act grown up when she's out to look cool in front of her friends.

I used to go to a teenage youth club in the church. We used to have a meeting with prayers and a short reading, then social activites afterwards. Once my Dad came and did the reading, and I felt really uncomfortable at the social bit afterwards because my Dad was there. I didn't want to act childish to please my Dad as it would have let my street cred down with mates, but I didn't want to act grown up and make my Dad think I wasn't a child any more. I was very quiet that night

mumps

Mutter wrote: »

Not quite sure why the comments amaze you mumps as they all, apart from me, appear to approve of boyfriends at the age of 13.

I agree most people have made sensible comments, I was thinking about someone saying the poor girl was lying, someone saying something about things being different now and teenage pregnancies. I mean I was kissing boys at this age and that was quite a while ago! And the boys mother, I couldn't believe a boy getting grounded for kissing a girl. If these two kids tell lies and keep secrets the parents will only have themselves to blame in my opinion (and from what some people have said I wont be alone.)

I only hope these two sets of parents get a grip.