Daughter lying about boys, keeping secrets

seven-day-weekend

GracieP wrote: »

This is why I can never understand the attraction of open plan living. My old house had two living rooms and friends would always suggest we knock the two rooms into one, which does tend to be the fashion. My response was always that one day when my (potential) 14 year old daughter takes her 16 year old boyfriend home to watch a movie I wouldn't want to be sending them to a room on a different floor to me with a bed in it.

Having a separate playroom/teenagers den will always be a priority in any house I buy, and I'll be putting walls back up if the former owner has knocked two rooms into one. It solves all problems like this.

Yes, same here, although in fact our son only had one girlfriend in his teenage years.

To the OP, I don't think punishment is the answer; a friendly talk about how she does not need to feel 'pressured' into anything and also invite the lad to your house and have an'open door policy' as others have suggested. Also, all of you go out together, for a meal , or cinema, or Alton Towers for example.

While they are in your house they are not up a back alley or on a park bench and you can 'supervise' without them quite realising it.

Mutter_2

tiamai_d wrote: »

Who's posts did you search FC or OP's?

oh it's ok, I get it... pregnancy brain moment....

That is so sweet, lol. I could happily scrunch you up as I would my own daughter. Stay well, you and baby T. x

Mutter_2

With respect for your original post FC, what happens in the NL's or rest of Europe has no relevance in this thread, as the parent who is posting, simply does not like their child.

They have spelled it out in previous posts.

pippicvb

Your daughter is 13, she has shown no signs of interest in boys previously but you were concerned about this? However now you know she was kissing a boy you are now concerned about this too?

I think the title of the thread suggests you are angry and feel a need to punish-please correct me if i am wrong.

This seems a very innocent way to kiss someone-especially as you are family friends and seems rather sweet instead of sordid. That this one kiss provoked snooping by your wife and a grounding by the boys mum seems an overreaction to say the least. I understand your concern for your daughters welfare but she is young and you have to trust her and know her personality rather than any sensationalist headline that claims all young girls will become pregnant.

I understand you want to do right by your daughter but you have to tread carefully and with some understanding of her feelings, otherwise you are dismissing them as irrelevant which i dont think you want to do...?

Taye

Personally i would expect the LAST person ANY teenage girl would tell she was intrested in boys would be her parents!!! i thought that was pretty normal. My parent's never met any of the boys i dated before my ex-husband.

I'm 31 now, granted divorced but i've still only ever slept with my ex-husband, just because i lied (well not lied simply didn't tell them i was interested in boy's) didn't mean i was a raging hussy sleeping with every boy i saw.

Perhaps the reason your daughter didn't tell you, or was scared to tell you is BECAUSE of the way she knew you'd react, which is clearly the way you HAVE reacted.

teenage girls like boy's .. boy's like girls its a natural state of affairs she's 13 it's perfectly normal and natural for her to be kissing boy's ! infact if she WASN'T starting to become interested in her sexuality i'd be more worried.

Perhaps what you should be really asking youself is not why is she kissing boy's, but instead why did she not feel that she could trust you enough to tell you that she was even interested in boy's??

tbh the whole situation screams out about a lack of parent/daughter trust and communication issue more than anything else.

she's 13 give her a break shes doing what 13 year old girls do ... chill

Poppy9

Taye wrote: »

Personally i would expect the LAST person ANY teenage girl would tell she was intrested in boys would be her parents!!!

I don't think that's true in the younger teens. I was quite open till I got to about 15 and when BF hunting gets serious!:o

DD 14 and for about a year she constantly comments on who is hot and fit when watching a film or TV. Even OH is amused by this. She's also told me all about the boys who have asked her out. She doesn't tell OH as much but she's happy for him to know via me.

One thing I do tell DD is not to ridicule a boy that askes her out if she refuses (she's refused all bar one to date:T:T) and mock him amongst her friends as it takes courage for a boy to ask.

Taye

Poppy9 wrote: »

I don't think that's true in the younger teens. I was quite open till I got to about 15 and when BF hunting gets serious!:o

DD 14 and for about a year she constantly comments on who is hot and fit when watching a film or TV. Even OH is amused by this. She's also told me all about the boys who have asked her out. She doesn't tell OH as much but she's happy for him to know via me.

One thing I do tell DD is not to ridicule a boy that askes her out if she refuses (she's refused all bar one to date:T:T) and mock him amongst her friends as it takes courage for a boy to ask.

haha maybe it was just me then... saying that i've recently started dating again and im STILL mortified at the thought of my mum finding out.

I've asked her to watch my two boys for a couple of nights in a few weeks and yes i admit it im 31 and STILL lied to her about where i was going ....

I still can't tell my mum stuff like that though ... ugh ... she never quite let me live down the last mistake im not ready to hear her give me 100 reasons why the next one isn't good enough.

As i said though i think it's a parent / daugher communication thing, if your daughter's happy to chat you about it, it just means you have a good relationship :T:T bravo...

Mutter_2

Glen0000. Is it possible that maybe you might list 10 for starters on what you really like about your daughter?

prowla

Glen0000 wrote: »

Our daughter is 13 and had never shown an interest in boys. No posters in her room, no talk of crushes. My wife was a little worried, but we did not get too concerned. Whenever we mentioned boys, kissing, she just said "yuck" etc. We thought she was possibly a late bloomer.

To cut a very long story short our daughter was caught kissing a boy in his room, a brother of one of her friends. She was at the friends house playing. The mum is a good friend of ours and came around to tell us about it today. The boy, who is 14 had been grounded. This happened yesterday and our daughter seemed very normal when she returned from her friends and has made no mention at all of it.

My wife has just been on our daughters msn history. Lots of talk of loving this boy etc. Seems she has been "going out" with him for about 6 months. We are floored by this and need to know how to deal with it. What is most upsetting for my wife is that she kept this boyfriend a secret. How do we deal with this without pushing her away?

I sincerely hope that you have now emotionally scarred her (and the boy) by doing this!
Perhaps your response is a justification for the secrecy?
I sincerely hope she doesn't get pregnant by kissing!

Jakg

Mutter wrote: »

Glen0000. Is it possible that maybe you might list 10 for starters on what you really like about your daughter?

I don't think he's coming back after the verbal roasting he just received in the last posts!

Shame for his daughter, mind...