Teen won't go out

Karrie · 8 March 2009 at 9:15AM

I have a 13 year old. He's a great kid. I do worry that he won't go out with friends. He won't go to partys that he's been invited to. He's in a football team and is in the Army Cadets. When I was his age my mum didn't see me from morning til night. I loved being out with friends. He was asked to go out yesterday with his friends to play in the park, but he wouldn't go. Then he got the hump because he was bored resulting in me taking him to the driving range. He loves being outside and is not one for being stuck in front of the TV or PS3 etc.

It has just been me and him since he was 18 months old.

I just wondered if any other parents have a child like this. I love my son very much but feel he should be spending time with kids his age and not with me ALL the time.

Thanks

Clairealo · 8 March 2009 at 9:24AM

Hi Karrie,

Im not even gunna pretend im an expert on this i dont hav any kids of my own and am only 20 years old.

But thinkin bak when i was his age i went through something like this, my parents got divorced when i was 8 and i hit about 12 and suddendly thought oh my god i cant go out coz then my mam will be on her own. It didnt matter how much she tried to persuade me to go with friends i just didnt want to leave her alone. Could this be the problem??

Like i said i really dont no, im no expert but just thought id share from my own perspective, maybe just sit him down and hav a chat

hope this helps
x x

Glen0000 · 8 March 2009 at 9:25AM

Our daughter is the same. Like you said at her age both me and her mum were out with friends and parents came second fiddle, which is the proper order of things in order for them to gain independance!

Our daughter seems to want to spend all her time with us, which we do worry about. She does not even express an interest in doing her own thing. She is quite childish for her age, so we are hoping in time she will mature. Don't want to force her from the nest, but also worry her social skills are lacking and she will find it hard to catch up.

Barneysmom · 8 March 2009 at 9:29AM

BUt he does have some really great pastimes though, try not to worry, the army cadets is a fabulous way of spending free time.

Maybe he prefers outdoor pursuits and finds hanging around and parties boring?
Does he do his army cadets on the weekends, if not maybe there's some sort of adventure training he could do., mountaineering, canoeing or something?

I think you should be very proud of him.:cool: He'll go a long way.
I was always out with friends but my son is always virtually every weekend up a mountain. I did it too but not as much as him.

hulagirl79 · 8 March 2009 at 9:30AM

Hi
I dont have any children but was brought up by my mum from when i was 3, we have a very close relationship even now i am married [i see her 3-4 times a week]
I assume you have asked if he is happy, not being bullied or anything else, if not maybe your sons point of view is that he enjoys spending time with you, and does not want to spend time with his friends, it is not like he does not go out, football and army cadets are good ways to see his friends.
I know my mum felt like this and when i explained to her what my friends did[underage drinking, hanging about street corners etc] she was happy for me to be spending my time with her.

You will probably find that in a years time he will go out more but at the moment i would take the time to appricate that he likes spending time with you and that you have a loving son.

ailuro2 · 8 March 2009 at 9:38AM

Maybe, as other posters have said, he just likes organised activities better - there's less pressure there to try smoking or drinking, or to hang around street corners freezing your fingers off.

Maybe he could invite a mate round to play PS3 or whatever, he doesn't have to leave home to do it...

Taking him to the driving range would appear to be rewarding his grouchiness and providing entertainment for him instead of your DS doing it for himself - I don't believe in doing it that way when they're toddlers, and I hope I don't do it when my 10yo is a bored teen either.;)

Can he do extra nights at Cadets?

Oldernotwiser · 8 March 2009 at 9:56AM

When I was 13 all my friends and I did was come home and do our homework! At weekends we played sports and went to the cinema occasionally. Expecting children of this age to be out all the time seems to me to be a fairly recent thing and doesn't suit everybody.

Be happy your son doesn't just go along with the herd!

Karrie · 8 March 2009 at 10:03AM

Thank you for all your replies.

He has mentioned that he doesn't like leaving me on my own. Even when he's at his dad's he rings me. As much as I reassure him that I content to be on my own when he's out, it just doesn't seem to sink in.

He's a very happy lad with a great sense of humour. He's doing well at school. He has his own paper round.

With regards to the driving range. He had phoned a friend to go with him but his friend said that he wanted to go down the park. As I had already promised him that I would take him and his friend, I couldn't say no. If he had said no to going out with friends then asked me to take him, I would have definitely said no. (Sorry, I didn't make that very clear earlier)

He does have friends round to play on the PS3 but he gets bored after an hour.

He hasn't been long at the Army Cadets but he absolutely loves it. He would go every night of the week if he could.

I think you are right - he prefers organised actvities. He has great confidence when he does activities but less confidence when it comes to his friends.

Thank you for your replies. I feel slightly less anxious now. :T

Glen0000 · 8 March 2009 at 10:05AM

Oldernotwiser wrote: »

When I was 13 all my friends and I did was come home and do our homework! At weekends we played sports and went to the cinema occasionally. Expecting children of this age to be out all the time seems to me to be a fairly recent thing and doesn't suit everybody.

Be happy your son doesn't just go along with the herd!

I am mid 30's and this certainly wasn't the case for me and my wife (working class background). After school I was at the park, making dens/riding bikes or at the cinema/bowling. Weekends were spend in town shopping or out playing. My wife says that even when she was at home she spent all her time in her room, making scrapbooks, listening to music etc.

Our daughter would spend 90% of her free time with us if she was allowed and to us it is a worry.

MrsTinks · 8 March 2009 at 10:19AM

I spent a lot of time at home - not with my parents but in my room reading. I still to this day devour books at a rate of knots but eventually I developed a social life too

I did have a few weeks of "hanging out" on street corners etc but to be honest found it incredibly dull and boring so lost interest. I found a lot of friends at Venture Scouts myself (small village and nothing to do! Ventures were about the only thing to do...) and ended up doing lots of stuff through them including climbing and camping. I was always a tomboyish girl though which is probably why I fitted in so well as most were boys - I had no issue with playing rugby with the lads even if I was rubbish. Then i discovered boys and ended up finding my first boyfriend through scouting (and much later on my first fiance was a venturer'er too...)
I guess my parents could have been quite concerned about me but I think they decided to just leave me to it... I'd say I worked out pretty well generally

peachyprice · 8 March 2009 at 11:11AM

The world is a scary place for for teenagers now. When we were that age there wasn't a running commentary on the TV and internet telling us how many teenagers have been stabbed to death so far this year, abducted etc.,

I'm not saying it was that different when we were young but things certainly weren't shoved down our throats the way they are now, we were blissfully unaware of the big bad world outside and felt safe in our neigbourhoods. That has been taken away from our children, and the sensible ones like yours, and mine, are the ones who suffer, it's no wonder they don't want to go out.

Teen won't go out

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