Teen won't go out

Lokolo

Oldernotwiser wrote: »

When I was 13 all my friends and I did was come home and do our homework! At weekends we played sports and went to the cinema occasionally. Expecting children of this age to be out all the time seems to me to be a fairly recent thing and doesn't suit everybody.

Be happy your son doesn't just go along with the herd!

But that was early 1900s...

Karrie

As a single parent with no family in the area, I never went out. Now that he is 13 I go to an excercise class 3 times a week and the occasional invite to a friends house.

You are right FC, he is very sensitive. He's also very loving and considerate.

I guess I just worried because he is an only child and doesn't seem interested in socializing with friends.

I now realise that not all teens are the same and they want different things from life.

Thank you for all your replies. They have been a great help.

Thanks Steph, am just off to look at that book :beer:

anonymousie

I have a 13yr old boy and he spends a lot of his "free" time in organised activity. Other than that it is home work or listening to radio 7:rotfl: . I would want to know who/where/what about going out with mates in pretty tight detail still- he really very "in between"- the size and maturity of a man most of the time, but I doubt he has the skills to deal with trouble should it arise when out. Quite happy for him to organise it, but actually it doesn't happen often (because he is a grammar school kid, so mates aren't local).

I have a nearly 16yr old DD who, again has lots of organised activities (they are both very musical) but at the moment is completely taken over by GCSEs. She does, as she puts it "have a life" now, though she only really developed it late yr10, early yr11 at school. She goes to the cinema and parties with mates (16the birthdays mostly!). She doesn't go clubbing and has no inclination to "hang out on street corners".

Both are, I think generally happy, which is lovely (apart from DDs "art crises" -perfectionists should not do GCSE art!).

I look, especially at DD1s peer group and think we have been lucky that we have let her do lots of music etc. SHe loves it, and it "fills her time" IYSWIM. Her best mate has been discouraged from any activity which isn't "educational" as her parents write it off as a waste of time "when she should be studying as she has a great brain". Actually this girl has "filled her time" with the only thing her parents seem to encourage apart from school work- boyfriends:eek: .

I guess DD1 is like I was as a teen- academically driven and musical. Time fully filled -all the "available" boys were a bit geeky and sweet but not boyf material- DD seems to think the same:rotfl: .

anonymousie

Karrie wrote: »

As a single parent with no family in the area, I never went out. Now that he is 13 I go to an excercise class 3 times a week and the occasional invite to a friends house.

You are right FC, he is very sensitive. He's also very loving and considerate.

I guess I just worried because he is an only child and doesn't seem interested in socializing with friends.

I now realise that not all teens are the same and they want different things from life.

Thank you for all your replies. They have been a great help.

Thanks Steph, am just off to look at that book :beer:

Sounds like a grand lad you are raising - he'll spead his wings when he's ready- TBH seeing DS peers they all seem very young compared to him (being much smaller and childlike physically and it what they can/are allowed to do- one of the attendees at his party, was totally lovely but the size/maturity of my 9yr old TBH!!). Very interesting also at the party (cinema and a meal at the local shopping centre) about how parents dropped them off/collected them-varied from 1 lad who came on the bus (as DS would have done if I hadn't have been there to pay) to a couple who dropped in the car park and wanted a call when they got there, to the last 2 who were brought and collected by parents and handed to me).

All goes to show 13yr old boys are a real mixed bag and "evolving" every day!

Phatmouse

Only read the first few posts but if everytime I got bored my mum took me to the driving range you would have been hard pushed to get me to go out. He has intrests and invites so he sounds like he is doing okay. Hope mine turn out more like yours than I was at his age.

GrammarGirl

I also spent a lot of time at home, reading! I was a real bookworm and quite childish for my age too.

When I hit 15 I went mental and was out every night. I'm 23 now and have finally worked out a balance!

I think it's just how some kids are and prefer to be. Don't worry yourself too much - your son sounds happy and that's the main thing.

junior_j

Heya i am 17 and i absoulouty was like ur son loved being at home , and in this day and age i dont think thats actually a bad thing half the time , as long as your son is socially compatiable with people there is probably not much of a problem xx sorry it was a fly by post so didnt get to read everyone elses reply xx

Steph998

Karrie wrote: »

Thanks Steph, am just off to look at that book :beer:

Karrie....I can honestly say you will come back and say it was the best few quid you ever spent on your son. I couldn't put it down...it is chock full of stuff that makes you point at the page, then tell your son 'Look! That's just US!'

Glen0000

foreign_correspondent wrote: »

Glen, I am confused, why does your profile say :
Date of Birth:
April 29, 1982
Age:
26
Location:
Birmingham

Ummm...because this is a public forum and I don't want the world and his wife knowing my real details. I usually change tiny details in my posts for privacy reasons.

I am not 26 and I don't live in Birmingham. I doubt that 80% of the posters on here are who they say they are either.

JFC_2

Hi Karrie

I wouldn't worry too much, teenagers go through phases and when he hits the going out phase you will wish it went back to how it is now. I understand your concerns as I felt like that with my elder 2 lads.

My 19 year old, stayed home all the time, playing on the PS2, watching Red Dwarf, hanging out with his younger brother until he hit 15...then it was the reverse...out all the time, numerous friends sleeping over etc etc (as a result he didnt revise for his GCSE's as much as he should have and it was reflected in the outcome..got all C's when he was predicted As)

My 16 year old, again loves being home all the time, but more recently hes started going out a lot and like his brother he has friends round all the time. When he was 13 I remember wondering if he would get a social life, but he seems to balance his life out with a good mix of home and going out. Unlike his older brother and having watched him make the mistake of not revising, my son has a timetable for work and play to allow him to get good grades and a social life


My 13 year old daughter is a complete home bod, so much so she was anxious about going to fall out boy with her friend on Sunday, kept saying " I want to stay home with you mum, im scared"....she admitted she had the best time...but there are issues attached to her going out to this concert that have worried me (another thread). I have no doubt that when Sophie hits 15 (possibly sooner) she will change to be more like her brothers (hopefully not so much her eldest brother!)

I just wanted to reassure you not to worry, he will start going out more I am sure, just enjoy his company whilst you can...I treasure my moments with my daughter
xxxx