Teen won't go out

Oldernotwiser

Glen0000 wrote: »

I am mid 30's and this certainly wasn't the case for me and my wife (working class background). After school I was at the park, making dens/riding bikes or at the cinema/bowling. Weekends were spend in town shopping or out playing. My wife says that even when she was at home she spent all her time in her room, making scrapbooks, listening to music etc.

Our daughter would spend 90% of her free time with us if she was allowed and to us it is a worry.

But I'm older than you and I got in from grammar school at 4.30, with 2 hours homework to do (or to appear to be doing!). With a 10 o'clock bedtime and tea that didn't leave much time for anything else.

claire1234

hiya,

when my step-kids were around 9 - 12 year old they coudnt get enough of going out, tantrum time when it was time to come in & loved going out on there bikes, beaches, woods,
as soon as they hit 13 they were in bed till dinner time then on msn till midnight :rolleyes:

we could not get them out at all, it must be something that happens when they hit 13!

i think maybe its a phase that some go thur . . . . soon he will want extra money to go into town & cinema stuff like that,

Oldernotwiser

I really don't think being in all the time at 13 is a bad thing. They're really too old to be "playing out" and you don't want them getting into all sorts of teen mischief at that age. 13 is very betwixt and between.

consultant31

My son was like this right up to the time he left home for uni.

He had never, and I mean never, been out at of an evening with his mates or a girl (or even had any over to stay at our house during his school years). I will admit to worrying about him - a lot!

However, he started uni (coming home every weekend for the first two terms) and then suddenly developed a life of his own.

He got a degree, spent a year doing an extra course, came home for about 6 months then moved out and into a flat with his girlfriend of 2 years.

He's 30 now and got a fantastic lifestyle, a very good job and is very happy in his relationship (though they have yet to tie the knot).

Stop worrying and enjoy the time you have together. I often miss the lovely nights we used to turn off the tv and just talk for hours - they've gone forever, so value yours now

mountainofdebt

I think I would relax a little and wait for the change that you WILL see in him after he has been to Army Cadets for a while.....strangely enough I was going to suggest something like that before I saw he was already a member.

My son, at 14, was exactly the same before he joined the Sea Cadets and in only a few short weeks you could see the difference in him and now after nearly 3 years of being there would hardly think he was the same person.....far more sociable, out going and confident.

It might be that because there's only you and him he's grown up alot faster so whilst he has friends, he may find that what they enjoy doing is slightly boring whereas I find that the young adults that go to organisations such as the Army Cadets grow up alot faster because they aren't treated as children they are treated as young adults and told that they do have responsibilities (such as being responsible for wearing the right uniform, making sure that they are smart & tidy, boots polished etc)


The other thing I was wondering is that if he worries about you then perhaps you could demonstrate to him that you can cope without him (not that you can't but you know what I mean) - perhaps leaving him for an hour or two to go out with your girl-friends????

ElliotReid

It's not unusual

When I was his age, I'd rather sit at home and enjoy everything I had (I admit I was spoilt and had my own tv/video/gamesmachine) than go out and sit on the street corner or in a park drinking cider and lambrini like most of the people I knew did.

It was rare I went shopping/out for the day with friends etc - I wasn't unpopular, I was just lazy and liked my own creature comforts :rotfl:

I stayed after secondary school most days for an extra hour/couple of hours with my friends in the hall and we'd muck about/help our drama teacher/play with the lights and mikes and stuff (he was a lovely bloke and we all liked the performing arts stuff) and around Christmas we'd be around for the panto rehersals and stuff - then we'd all walk home together and that was that.

I never did anything like Cadets/Brownies or anything related either. I like to think I've turned out alright :rotfl: I still don't like going out that much and going to parties and stuff. I'm just not a social butterfly - I like people, I talk - but why go out and spend money I don't have when I can stay at home (and people can come around if they want) and be online/watch tv/dvd's/play on the wii etc.

Threebabes

My son is 13 and he has got us (me and his dad) frustrated.

He spends time on his ps3 and hes got a friend who lives on our estate who goes to a diff school, who comes in ours and he goes into his house. The school hols are a nightmare his friend has to go to his nans house because his parents work, so DS is at a loose end. He seems to be popular at school with plenty of friends, but socially he is so lazy, no making any arrangements to meet up etc.

When I talk to friends we all say we were out all the time at that age, couldnt be kept in, I wouldnt want him wandering the streets but would be quite happy to drop him off/pick him up.

I think now we have decided to take a step back and as long as he is happy let him get on with it.

I also have 2 girls 5 and 9 so I cant centre all the activites round a teenager.

Have a teenager is just as hard as having a baby, just different needs & worries. :-)

shirlgirl2004

My DS was like that but he's 19 now and has a girlfriend so although he doesn't go out socialising a great deal he sees his girlfriend a lot. By all means tell him what you've got planned if he goes out at the weekend but if he's happy at home then let him be.

Steph998

These boards just go to show me how different our supposed 'typical' teenagers are!

I'm probably not the best to give advice....lol.....but in my experience (mine is 18 now) you just have a lovely lad there, who is just a bit uncertain about growing up. I was a single parent too, and I know how it can be. I bet you next year you are on here again worried he is never in!!

In the meantime...can I recommend this book to you? I went to a conference by this guy (Rob Parsons) the other night...he was brilliant. I worry it is probably a bit too late for me now given my son's age....but I can't recommend it highly enough to anyone with younger teens. You can get it used quite cheaply.

Don't worry. Its ALL 'normal'. What ever 'normal' is....:)

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Teenagers-What-Every-Parent-Know/dp/0340862769/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1236531414&sr=8-1

foreign_correspondent

OP, I think your son may worry about leaving you at home alone - does he see you doing many social things? - he may worry that you will be lonely! Boys can be very sensitive and not want to let on

Maybe you need to let him know thats its lovely to have a bit of time in alone as you can ring your friend x for a chat, or watch some girly carp on TV, so he feels he is giving you the chance to do your thing, rather than feeling he is leaving you at home fed up and lonely!!!

Glen0000 wrote: »

I am mid 30's and this certainly wasn't the case for me and my wife (working class background). After school I was at the park, making dens/riding bikes or at the cinema/bowling. Weekends were spend in town shopping or out playing. My wife says that even when she was at home she spent all her time in her room, making scrapbooks, listening to music etc.

Our daughter would spend 90% of her free time with us if she was allowed and to us it is a worry.

Glen, I am confused, why does your profile say :
Date of Birth:
April 29, 1982
Age:
26
Location:
Birmingham