Teen won't go out

celyn90

I never went out at this age either - I played computer games and studied My dad used to joke if I did something wrong he would "reverse ground" me and make me go out.

I wouldn't worry, he'll do what he's happiest doing Sounds like he has no problems socially with his other activities.

Karrie

Steph998 wrote: »

Karrie...please let us know how you get on with the book...and here's a quote to keep you going

From A Mother of a 16 year old

'I just didn't expect it. Until the age of thirteen, Tom used to cuddle up to me on the sofa as we watched TV...he hardly went out with his friends. I even began to worry he was a bit too clingy. I can tell you, that 'clingy' is not a problem now. He can only just bring himself to talk to me...and then he looks as if he has just discovered me on the bottom of his shoe. And what really hurts is to see him come to life on the phone with his friends. And then there's the sheer worry....I worry all all the time. And the level of worrying has rocketed. When he was small, I worried if he wasn't walking or talking fast enough, or whether his reading was up to scratch...but now I am worrying that he will do something that could affect his whole life'......

Anxiety is apparently the defining character of parenthood nowadays. When it comes to teenagers.....many of us know the feeling. 'Children I signed up for...but who are these'?

x

Thanks Steph

Best I make the most of my time with him now then before the real teen hormones kick in! :eek: I can't wait to get the book. I am hoping it will arrive tomorrow. People used to say to me "oh it gets harder as they get older" I thought "yeah right" but do you know what, it does! What they do in their teens could affect their whole life!

Will definitely let you know how I get on with the book.

Karrie

celyn90 wrote: »

My dad used to joke if I did something wrong he would "reverse ground" me and make me go out. quote]


:rotfl: I like your dad!

Steph998

Karrie wrote: »

Thanks Steph

Best I make the most of my time with him now then before the real teen hormones kick in! :eek: I can't wait to get the book. I am hoping it will arrive tomorrow. People used to say to me "oh it gets harder as they get older" I thought "yeah right" but do you know what, it does! What they do in their teens could affect their whole life!

Will definitely let you know how I get on with the book.

Karrie....can I tell you something? (Probably peeps on here will think I am nuts...especially given the amount of times I am posting about my own teenager) but I used to write a blog, called 'My Teenage Son'.

I started it when D was 13, and it was simply a daily log of all the stuff that happened....I used to be a single parent like you, very emotionally involved with my son....with no one to talk to. I had met OH by the time D was 13, but it still helped (even more then, as it was a difficult step relationship.) Oh, it just covered banal stuff; ordinary things...but I got hits and comments from all over the world from other parents, and....I was even contacted by a guy called Oliver Mann, who had it 'performed' at the Edinburgh festival along with a couple of other family style blogs. I got a copy of it on DVD..it was really very funny.

Anyway....I am not suggesting you start a blog, but honestly, if you have the time...start to keep a diary. It gets all these feelings out, and it is amazing when you look back on it to make sense of your worries, and how you have moved on.

I had to delete my blog. I discovered, if I typed my real name into Google, it brought it up (I stupidly did not use a pseudonym when I registered the blog account) and I could not bear the thought of being found out - as it was so personal about me and D. If any of his mates had seen it, he would have been a laughing stock!

Anyway...keep smiling, stop worrying, and PM me if you ever need an ear.

HairyHandofDartmoor

Well I think I'd be pleased that he doesn't want to hang around the park with his friends if it was me!

Children grow up too quickly nowadays, so I think it's really sweet that he wants to spend time with you. Enjoy it as it may not last!

Are you sure he's not being bullied by anyone, as this could possibly explain his reluctance to go to parties or the park with friends.

Otherwise it's probably just a phase. Children and teenagers can be quite changeable in their interests and likes/dislikes, so it could be a stay-at-home phase which will change to a go-out-all-the-time phase when he is a bit older.

It's a good sign that he enjoys his organised activities, so I don't really think that you have anything to worry about.

fifi35

Hi, I have a 14yr old son and am so worried about him. I am also a single parent as his dad now has two new sons and doesn't play much of a part in my sons life. My son lacks confidence and doesn't seem to have many friends. He doesn't hang out at the park like the rest of his school friends because he says some of them drink, fight smoke etc. He gets so bored at weekends. I wish he could make some nice friends that don't want to do such things but he never invites anyone home and he never gets invited to stay at friends houses. I am racking my brians trying to think of ways for him to meet other nice boys but its difficult as his lack of confidence stops him from doing stuff and i end up getting frustrated with him.

Oldernotwiser

fifi35 wrote: »

Hi, I have a 14yr old son and am so worried about him. I am also a single parent as his dad now has two new sons and doesn't play much of a part in my sons life. My son lacks confidence and doesn't seem to have many friends. He doesn't hang out at the park like the rest of his school friends because he says some of them drink, fight smoke etc. He gets so bored at weekends. I wish he could make some nice friends that don't want to do such things but he never invites anyone home and he never gets invited to stay at friends houses. I am racking my brians trying to think of ways for him to meet other nice boys but its difficult as his lack of confidence stops him from doing stuff and i end up getting frustrated with him.

Why not get him to join some kind of organised group like Scouts? He's likely to meet people with a more positive attitude in this kind of situation.

INT1

he is jsut at the age where he will be finding himself so to speak. Who he his, he may be a shy lad or when he reaches 18/21 he may come out of his shell.
he may also be experimenting with his sexuality too, nothing to be ashamed of, just be there to support him

Primrose

I can understand you wanting your son to have friends, but when I see some of the yobs roaming the streets round here and hanging around in our local park smoking and drinking I think you should be thankful that he chooses not to join them. Your son obviously has his own values and standards which compliments you on the way you have bought him up. At 14 he's too young to have a Saturday job but could he be doing some voluntary work experience, like volunteering in your local library or garden centre or something like that. Scouts are a good outlet or possibly a Swimming Club if you have a pool nearby. Does he have a bike? Would you be happy to let him cycle out on his own to do a little exploring? That might give him some confidence? Or perhaps you can have some outings together. Check out http://www.wherecanwego.com/ which lists all kinds of local activities & events in your locality. If you work, week-ends may be busy for you catching up with shopping and housework, but the odd outing together may give him some interest or ideas for taking up a new hobby..

Silverbird

I've not got kids, but I recall that at the age of 13 I wasn't allowed to go out. It was a huge, huge event if I was allowed to go to a friend's house for a couple of hours and this usually involved lots of pleading on my part.

Things didn't really change until I got older. I was grounded at the age of 17 for coming home at midnight. If I was even 5 minutes later than my 10pm curfew (aged 18 at this point) then I would be grounded and not allowed out for a week.

On the other hand, my husband had a very different childhood and his parents rarely saw him, as he was off out playing football or with his friends somewhere. He was never grounded or told off for not coming back at certain times.

We're both the same age. It's funny how different parents are.

On another note, when my younger sister was the same age she was allowed out all day and night without the bat of an eyelid. It appears I got the 'eldest child' strictness treatment!