Teen won't go out

robpw2

is he being bullied ? because that may be why he doesnt want to go out with these people but with you

Karrie

Thanks JFC.

I do treasure my time with him. In fact, I don't know where the last 13 years have gone :eek: . I was just worried that he was becoming a "mummys boy" in a sense. But I now realise that he has plenty of time to socialize. All his friends seem to want to go out on their bikes and hang out and I should be glad that he doesn't want to do that. The last time he did that, he came back half hour later saying he was bored.

Steph - I have ordered the book! Thanks

He would tell me if he was being bullied. Although a sensitive lad, he won't take any carp from anyone.

Thanks again

Steph998

Karrie...please let us know how you get on with the book...and here's a quote to keep you going

From A Mother of a 16 year old

'I just didn't expect it. Until the age of thirteen, Tom used to cuddle up to me on the sofa as we watched TV...he hardly went out with his friends. I even began to worry he was a bit too clingy. I can tell you, that 'clingy' is not a problem now. He can only just bring himself to talk to me...and then he looks as if he has just discovered me on the bottom of his shoe. And what really hurts is to see him come to life on the phone with his friends. And then there's the sheer worry....I worry all all the time. And the level of worrying has rocketed. When he was small, I worried if he wasn't walking or talking fast enough, or whether his reading was up to scratch...but now I am worrying that he will do something that could affect his whole life'......

Anxiety is apparently the defining character of parenthood nowadays. When it comes to teenagers.....many of us know the feeling. 'Children I signed up for...but who are these'?

x

Mutter_2

Glen0000 wrote: »

Ummm...because this is a public forum and I don't want the world and his wife knowing my real details. I usually change tiny details in my posts for privacy reasons.

I am not 26 and I don't live in Birmingham. I doubt that 80% of the posters on here are who they say they are either.

Quite right too Glen. I'm simply astounded that anyone would check someone's post against their profile. Most odd.

jd87

Are you absolutely sure he actually has any friends? Parents always seem to assume their kids have loads of friends from school, but sometimes kids don't have any, at least not ones they feel close enough to to hang around with after school. Do kids actually come knocking on the door for him? Do they phone asking for him? Or are you just assuming? If he has trouble making friends, then pushing him to go out and play might just make him feel worse. He might feel too embarassed to say "mum I don't have any friends to go and play with".

linni

My ds1 is just the same, when he was younger I tried to get him out by booking him into clubs - swimming, football, anything! He hated all of them so I stopped trying to make him. Now I just think, it's his life, he is happy and so I let him get on with it. He spends hours in his room reading. My problem is people who say 'what does he do?' doesn't he go out?' and they make me feel guilty because he doesn't and theirs do. He has the rest of his life to do all the things he wants to do so why the rush..

Odette

Have you talked to him about it? Is there anything he would like to improve socially? There could be a problem there but your son could also just be as well adjusted as any other teenager. If he is happy and open with you about his feelings - and there is nothing wrong, you should just be pleased you have a very sensible son.

Primrose

Perhaps one of the reasons your son doesn't want to go out with friends is that he doesn't normally feel the need to and is reasonably self sufficient and generally happy in his own company. As you say, he's in the football team and Army cadets and will have inter-action with his classmates so perhaps that is enough for him and away from his structured activities he needs some personal space for himself. I wouldn't force the issue too much. Let him find his own level. He's obviously pretty happy in his own skin which is the main thing.

Karrie

Odette wrote: »

Have you talked to him about it? Is there anything he would like to improve socially? There could be a problem there but your son could also just be as well adjusted as any other teenager. If he is happy and open with you about his feelings - and there is nothing wrong, you should just be pleased you have a very sensible son.

I have spoken to him and he is quite content with the way things are. I guess I was comparing him to my childhood, where I was out all the time. But when I think about it, I didn't like spending time with my parents. I am pleased that he wants to spend time with me. I am assured it won't be much longer when he won't want to.

Karrie

Primrose wrote: »

Perhaps one of the reasons your son doesn't want to go out with friends is that he doesn't normally feel the need to and is reasonably self sufficient and generally happy in his own company. As you say, he's in the football team and Army cadets and will have inter-action with his classmates so perhaps that is enough for him and away from his structured activities he needs some personal space for himself. I wouldn't force the issue too much. Let him find his own level. He's obviously pretty happy in his own skin which is the main thing.

You are right - thank you.

It's so good to get other peoples opinions on things like this. It's been a great help and I have "chilled" about it now.