Boyfriend being insensitive after baby's birth

Primrose

I suspect your boyfriend is feeling very displaced. Another little person has come along and because of the baby is now helpless and the main focus of attention, your boyfriend is probably feeling both jealous and neglected. He ought to be mature enough to have realised the dynamics of your relationship would change once the baby arrived but sadly this often doesn't happen. Also he needs to understand that you are in no condition physically to be resuming sex at the moment. Sit him down and get him to talk honestly about how he is feeling at the moment - and tell him how you feel too about the way his behaviour with other women is making you feel after you've just completed 9 months hard labour carrying his child. Up to now he has had you all to himself. Now there is somebody more needy in the picture and whilst you can hopefully reassure him that he is not being permanently rejected, he does need to grow up and behave like an adult. Maybe if you give yourself a private timescale to try and get yourself physically back into shape again you will feel a little more in control of yourself but don't give yourself a hard time. Your hormones will still be all over the place and your boyfriend needs to be told how he can support you better rather than undermining you in this way. Good luck. Hope it all sorts itself out.

galvanizersbaby

MrsTine wrote: »

Bring on the 6 week check I say! :rotfl: We've had nookie once I think since I got pregnant... DH just can't deal with the thought of there being a little tiny person in there - 36 weeks now so we're talking about uhmmmm 20 weeks of nothing... the first 16 weeks I was too sick to be in the mood lol. He's coping fine... it's ME who's at the point of wanting to kill/maim!!!!
I think the least of my worries would be !!!!!! or the likes - but then he always makes clear he loves me the way I am, he just can't deal with having sex so long as his daughter is in there... so we do lots of kisses and cuddles instead
Kisses and cuddles nice but to me it's no substitute lol so bring on the 6 week check up I say!![/QUOTE]

In that case wishing you a very smooth delivery and a very well behaved newborn Mrs T!

Rikki

Shove a melon up his backside, ask him to push it out laying on his back and when he's finished ask if he fancies anal sex. :eek:

I know what the answer would be.

LouBlue

Rikki. :rotfl:

MrsTinks

galvanizersbaby wrote: »

In that case wishing you a very smooth delivery and a very well behaved newborn Mrs T!

Oh mine is going to just "pop" out after an hours labour and 3 pushes don't you know hun? :rotfl:
I can dream! (Going on family history though we have long labours but according to mum we heal quickly and she didn't tear with either of her deliveries so I am crossing everything I can... I'm also hoping having wider hips than her from my paternal grandmother my labour won't be as long as hers...)
As for a well behaved newborn... again... sheesh - I am OBVIOUSLY having a baby which will sleep through the night straight away, not disturb us when we want to get jiggy and won't have the slightest bit of colic...
And I am refusing to leave my little world to return to the real one where 24 hour labours and lots of stitches are a reality

amandada

MrsTine wrote: »

Oh mine is going to just "pop" out after an hours labour and 3 pushes don't you know hun? :rotfl:
I can dream! (Going on family history though we have long labours but according to mum we heal quickly and she didn't tear with either of her deliveries so I am crossing everything I can... I'm also hoping having wider hips than her from my paternal grandmother my labour won't be as long as hers...)
As for a well behaved newborn... again... sheesh - I am OBVIOUSLY having a baby which will sleep through the night straight away, not disturb us when we want to get jiggy and won't have the slightest bit of colic...
And I am refusing to leave my little world to return to the real one where 24 hour labours and lots of stitches are a reality

u

You never know, I delivered my 1st in 3 pushes, although the 2nd was MUCH harder work-5 pushes for him!:D

galvanizersbaby

MrsTine wrote: »

Oh mine is going to just "pop" out after an hours labour and 3 pushes don't you know hun? :rotfl:
I can dream! (Going on family history though we have long labours but according to mum we heal quickly and she didn't tear with either of her deliveries so I am crossing everything I can... I'm also hoping having wider hips than her from my paternal grandmother my labour won't be as long as hers...)
As for a well behaved newborn... again... sheesh - I am OBVIOUSLY having a baby which will sleep through the night straight away, not disturb us when we want to get jiggy and won't have the slightest bit of colic...
And I am refusing to leave my little world to return to the real one where 24 hour labours and lots of stitches are a reality

Tee hee! I honestly can't remember how long it was before we resumed in the bedroom dept after having my first but it was a lot longer then 6 weeks - I had a baby that slept through from the start and a caesarian delivery but I recall my sister looking after DS for us for the first time when he was around the 3 month mark so we could supposedly go out for the evening - in reality I fell asleep in the bath and my OH crashed out on the sofa - we told everyone we had gone out for dinner though so as not to disappoint as we were too embarrased to say we just crashed out!:o
Those were the days!
Good luck and enjoy x

inkie

Wern't you given advice prior to discharge from hospital about this. If not, then that worries me as a midwife. There are good reasons, both physically and practically for waiting until the 6 week postnatal check.

tsstss7

Primrose wrote: »

I suspect your boyfriend is feeling very displaced. Another little person has come along and because of the baby is now helpless and the main focus of attention, your boyfriend is probably feeling both jealous and neglected. He ought to be mature enough to have realised the dynamics of your relationship would change once the baby arrived but sadly this often doesn't happen. Also he needs to understand that you are in no condition physically to be resuming sex at the moment. Sit him down and get him to talk honestly about how he is feeling at the moment - and tell him how you feel too about the way his behaviour with other women is making you feel after you've just completed 9 months hard labour carrying his child. Up to now he has had you all to himself. Now there is somebody more needy in the picture and whilst you can hopefully reassure him that he is not being permanently rejected, he does need to grow up and behave like an adult. Maybe if you give yourself a private timescale to try and get yourself physically back into shape again you will feel a little more in control of yourself but don't give yourself a hard time. Your hormones will still be all over the place and your boyfriend needs to be told how he can support you better rather than undermining you in this way. Good luck. Hope it all sorts itself out.

My Oh does the same thing if he is either feeling jealous or it's been a long time since the last time (which I put down to a build up of male hormones) . When I was first with him we used to have huge rows over it as I find it really disrespectful but then I started to notice it always happened after I had had contact with ex's and I realised that he was actually TRYING to !!!! me off (first prize awarded there). He seems to have grown out of it now fortunately.

Since your OH hasn't been without for very long I'd say it was jealousy also... not sure how you can get him to stop it though short of leaving the room everytime he starts it.....blanking his "bad behaviour" until he gets the hint...

Geenie

I can't imagine being with someone who is so insensitive to what I have just been through.
No man would put such pressure on a woman after giving birth if educated.