Boyfriend being insensitive after baby's birth

ashbart

Claire3121 wrote: »

Im wondering if he's always made comments like this,but you are noticing them more now as you're probably feeling very vulnerable at the moment.
Talk,explain things and for god's sake,dont have sex til you've had your 6 week check:eek:

I agree with the above post and just want to add - perhaps his comments are more 'free-flowing' at the moment because he feels a bit uncomfortable, as well? Men do VERY strange things and often don't think about what they say...! Perhaps he is finding the adjusting more challenging and therefore makes silly comments due to his own discomfort?!? I can only imagine that some men probably feel a bit left out when a new baby arrives and perhaps they deal with it by trying to get a reaction?

I am NOT saying his comments are ok, by the way - just trying to shed a bit of light...

I would definitely say talk to him and tell him that, whilst you are happy to joke around with each other (as you always have done), you are just feeling a bit sensitive at the moment - this should make him think a bit more and it will make you feel much better once you've spoken to him.

As for the sex issue - tell him that if you don't wait another 5 weeks (at least), another baby could very soon be on the way, far quicker than either of you would probably like! That should keep him quiet for a few weeks!

poet123

A week,OMG mine were mostly,straight forward births,but I could not have contemplated it after a week.

Interestingly though a bit OT, is that when I was in hospital another girl on the ward was talking about this subject,and was worried because in the 3 years they had been together she and OH had never gone a single night without it.:eek: she announced this to shrieks of amazement all round. So she was worried her OH would feel deprived, I still wonder to this day how she went on.

sooz

Talk to him.
Explain how you are feeling. He's new at this too, and is not a mind reader. I am still occasionally weepy, very hormonal & overly sensitive to comments, and my baby is a few months old!
As for sex, explain to him that you want to wait til you feel ready (& sexy...although usually for a new mum a small glass of wine helps ...not two or you pass out!) 6 weeks is just advice. It depends on how you feel. This might be one week & might be 6 months. Only you know that.

It will help if you feel helped & supported by him in all other areas of your lives. I find OH cleaning & cooking is the best foreplay . Or just taking all the kids out to allow me to have a bath on my own!

we waited 6 weeks after no1, 10 days with no 2, & 2 weeks with the latest one - but the fact was I wanted to. I didn't do it for him.

sunshines

Even if you are over-sensitive and full of hormones, he should be considerate and caring and making sure you are NOT feeling guilty and are able to cope with the baby....

Is he helping you with looking after the baby, chores around the house, shopping etc? If not, it's time to involve him in all that.

And I agree with the other poster - start appreciating other finer male specimens whenever possible.

money_maker_3

Just to add a bit of variety to this thread, I waited nearly 4 months after my DD !!!!!!!!!!!

OK OK you can all close your mouths in amazement !! I had a very traumatic birth and had several infections in my section scar afterwards, then my OH was admitted to hospital for over a month with his chrons disease and after all that neither of us could be bothered for a few weeks !!!

Didnt take long for us to get back in the swing of things though !!! lol

Silverbird

A lot of posters seem to be under the impression that the OP's boyfriend is pestering her, but it seems it's just comments that have become daily and are particularly upsetting at the moment when the OP's hormones are all over the place.

I've never had children, but my first thought about this was that maybe this is his reaction to the birth of your child and he is just struggling a bit to see you as the mother of the child as well as his lover still. I'm sure if you just give him some time then he'll return back to his normal self. I'd definitely talk to him and let him know how very upsetting you're finding his comments. There is really no need - whether new parents or not - to point out whether a celebrity is attractive or not. Tell him to keep it to himself and stop making himself look so desperate! Hopefully that'll work.

emlou2009

really interested in this thread, my son is a month old now and OH is behaving exactly the same, although we havent resumed any form of relations yet (i dont think he really would want to just yet cos he hasnt tried but being a man its all they think of!!) he's been counting the days til my 6 week check up and seems to assume we will get back into it that night! he has taken to going on p0rn websites every night which has REALLY annoyed me - he's looking at skinny filthy girls with perfect make up without a stretch mark or pot belly to them and heres me looking like a small child has drawn all over me with a red crayon, lucky if i even manage to get a shower before he comes home from work some days! i think they are just insensitive idiots really, they dont mean anything by it but cos they arent getting as much "relief" as they would like its all they think about...

skintchick

emlou2009 wrote: »

really interested in this thread, my son is a month old now and OH is behaving exactly the same, although we havent resumed any form of relations yet (i dont think he really would want to just yet cos he hasnt tried but being a man its all they think of!!) he's been counting the days til my 6 week check up and seems to assume we will get back into it that night! he has taken to going on p0rn websites every night which has REALLY annoyed me - he's looking at skinny filthy girls with perfect make up without a stretch mark or pot belly to them and heres me looking like a small child has drawn all over me with a red crayon, lucky if i even manage to get a shower before he comes home from work some days! i think they are just insensitive idiots really, they dont mean anything by it but cos they arent getting as much "relief" as they would like its all they think about...

I don;t mean to make you feel bad Emlou but reading this makes me so glad my OH doesn;t use p0rn or pester me for sex. He doesn;t even DIY! (Yes he is normal, honest)

I would be furious if I were you, but I would be if OH used p0rn at any point. Thankfully he likes sex but it isn;t his be all and end all. In fact, it's mroe likely to be me gagging for it :rotfl:

Pee

emlou2009 wrote: »

really interested in this thread, my son is a month old now and OH is behaving exactly the same, although we havent resumed any form of relations yet (i dont think he really would want to just yet cos he hasnt tried but being a man its all they think of!!) he's been counting the days til my 6 week check up and seems to assume we will get back into it that night! he has taken to going on p0rn websites every night which has REALLY annoyed me - he's looking at skinny filthy girls with perfect make up without a stretch mark or pot belly to them and heres me looking like a small child has drawn all over me with a red crayon, lucky if i even manage to get a shower before he comes home from work some days! i think they are just insensitive idiots really, they dont mean anything by it but cos they arent getting as much "relief" as they would like its all they think about...

Thank you very much for sharing that.

skylight

My OH is the same. He has refused to sleep in the same bed as me, because I wont have sex with him. My baby is almost 5 months old now and its no5, so I am damn busy as it is.

So. My OH sleeps on the sofa and I sleep in a big bed on my own and its bliss. I will get round to sorting it out, but in my own time and not his. If he can't see how having a baby (and a family) affects me then I refuse to see his point of view at the moment.

Now. The irony here, is that he needs a hip replacement and can barely move his hip anyway. So I am looking after a baby, 4 other kids and a "disabled" OH. I doubt he would be able to manage any nookie without severe and horrific pain for him anyway - so I am not sure why he has decided that its my fault. :rolleyes::rolleyes:

Men eh??