Boyfriend being insensitive after baby's birth

gorgeous_gwen

This is a bit, erm, delicate, so please be nice to me but I'm worried...

Me and my boyfriend just had a gorgeous little bundle of joy.The birth was very straightforward, I'm totally smitten as is he with baby.

We resumed relations rather quickly and had a nasty incident (I won't go into gory details but it involved lots of blood!) which although turned out to be harmless, quite frightened me at the time and has put me off things. Boyfriend understands, it's still very early days anyway.

Thing is, I have noticed an odd little thing happening since. He has been making funny comments about us not having done 'it' for a little while (and I mean a VERY short while, but only once since baby has been born and he's only just over a week old!) Now I know he thinks he's funny:rolleyes: but what does bother me is he has started going on about ladies, ladies in skirts, ladies wearning this, that and the other, what do I think of such-and-such on tv, I have noticed him (more) looking at girls as we drive past, in the street and so on.

Now far be it from me to be ignorant in the way of the man, but I am finding every day he is making comments about someone or other and now it's quite upsetting me. He has apologised yesterday, he said I was the only woman for him but it is quite 'difficult' as he is so used to us being close that for us to suddenly only have done stuff once in the last two weeks means he's constantly thinking about it!

I know he'd never stray but it's doing nothing for my self-confidence, and usually I'm quite happy with myself. My belly is blobby and my boobs rock-hard, my hair is a mess most of the time and although I know this is completely normal post-baby, I feel hyper-sensitive about him looking at birds out of Hollyoaks and similar as I'm nothing like them on a normal day, let alone a week after having a baby!

What can I say to him to get the point across but not make me sound like a paranoid girlfriend?

mrcow

He's lucky.

My boyfriend didn't get any until my first was about 4 months old.

Go and put a Brad Pitt film on the tv and sit there commenting about how much you'd "do" him. When you walk or drive past a bloke in the street, give it some "pwoar!" and go and buy some magazines with half naked men in and leave scattered round the place.

See if he gets the message?

thatgirlsam

omg~! what a plank -
-
you really should leave it about 6 weeks before sex after giving birth ... please use contraception as this is a fertile time -

-as for your man i have no idea - he sounds horrid

richardw

gorgeous_gwen wrote: »

has put me off things. Boyfriend understands, .....I know he'd never stray

Your words, perhaps you know him very well.

Congratulations on the birth of the baby.

Glamazon

Wow (((hugs))) I am amazed you managed anything that quickly after the birth!

Congrats on the birth - I've not been in your situation but my Baby is due in September and I know OH will be keen to get on with it as soon as possible afterwards (not that he's not getting anything now you understand? ). I have told him in advance to expect a wait of at least a few weeks.

I plan to subsitute it with lots and lots of hugs & kisses and making sometime for him and me as well as I think Dad's sometimes get forgotten about. There are other things other than sex to keep a man happy .

Just sit him down and say that you are really keen to get back into the swing of things but you want to let everything heal properly first (give him a horror story about how he could break it if you do it too soon - they never check these things out!). Tell him that his little comments are upsetting you and that there are other things you could be doing to keep things going.

Do u think maybe you are a bit more sensitive so are looking for things like,him looking at other women when maybe its completely harmless and just something he does normally but you don't notice?

I hope you get things sorted soon xx

Soubrette

I thought the advice was to wait 6 weeks

Mind I had mine many years ago and things do change

Wait until you feel ready and perhaps throw in a few non penetrative extras in the meantime

He might be feeling unloved :rolleyes:

Congratulations on your new baby

Sou

wannabe_sybil

If you have nooky before you are fully 'healed' then you risk air embolism and early death. My understanding was that six weeks was recommended.

I would suggest that you tell your boyfriend that he is upsetting you and hand him a spare bottle of baby oil, a top shelf magazine and tell him to go away and get it out of his system.

Mojisola

Didn't you get advice from the midwife about having sex after giving birth? I thought the six week's wait advice was given to everyone.

Was your boyfriend present at the birth? If he was, how could he even consider asking you so soon after the birth? He is being totally unreasonable.

Some men have trouble adjusting to being a father and not being the only one you have to consider. If you have the energy, you can find other ways of satisfying him but most men don't get a look-in for weeks. You've just given birth and you need time to recover from that and you're caring for a baby which is a demanding and exhausting job. Give yourself a break and politely tell him to grow up!

RAS

Exactly, the 6 week delay was advised after a young woman died of air embolism because of over-enthusiatic sex. OK she had cocaine in her system as well but until you are healed, it is totally inadviseable.

At the moment you need to concentrate totally on the little one. I can understand that he feels a bit left out but he is trying to be a lad rather than a dad at the moment. Can you get him more involved with son so he bonds as well.

Once you are a bit more rested and the baby is sleeping, you can help him out but in the short term the answer is in his hands.

sooz

there was a magazine published for new dads paid for by the government, which told new fathers to 'take themselves in hand' for atleast the first 6 weeks. Can't believe any man would need telling that, but obviously some do! :eek:

pamelab21

geez, to think I have deprived my hubby for 18 weeks since finding out I was pregnant and am only recently starting to think about resuming things (just feel I don't want to risk things as first pregnancy)
Cannot imagine how I will feel after the birth.

I think he is being unreasonable and for your safety I do not think you should risk trying again in the coming weeks! Sit him down and explain that to him, I would hope he can understand?