Boyfriend being insensitive after baby's birth

grace11

I can't believe, you were not told to wait until after your 6 week check, I thought everyone was told this.

Mojisola

paulabear wrote: »

Here's an invaluable technique I have found works with just about anything to do do with people 'mentioning' things which upset you (worked on my dad, and he is King 'Mentioner', when it comes to my failings!)
Next time your boyfriend does this, say firmly to him that every time he does it you feel upset because your body has just gone through major changes and you feel unattractive and exhausted. Tell him that, now that you have explained this to him, you are going to assume that each time he does it from now on he is doing it to upset you. This gives you license to have a massive go at him if he ever does it again : D you'll find that he genuinely forgets a few times, but when you put it as clearly as this it makes him realise how serious you are instead of just bickering about reasons each time.

I just wanted to second this - it's a great idea, paulabear.

sidi29

Midwives actually recommend you have sex prior to your 6 week check, that way any problems can be discussed at the 6 week check.

Daphne descends: I don't think it is usual to wait a full year after giving birth, I would recommend you discuss any difficulties you are experiencing with your GP or RELATE.

mrcow

sidi29 wrote: »

Midwives actually recommend you have sex prior to your 6 week check, that way any problems can be discussed at the 6 week check.

That's what I remember.

My midwife just told me to avoid anything anal for a little while....yeah right.....as if, but said that I could have sex as soon as I wanted. This has been the advice with all three of mine, and I've had 3 completely different births with each one.

Rachie_B

mrcow wrote: »

That's what I remember.

My midwife just told me to avoid anything anal for a little while....yeah right.....as if, but said that I could have sex as soon as I wanted. This has been the advice with all three of mine, and I've had 3 completely different births with each one.

:eek::rotfl:really?!

Why people would want to so soon with hard boobs,a bleeding ( and possibly sore / stretched / stitched ) Mary is beyond me ?! :eek::rotfl:

like i say i had fab births and my boys were only 5lb 14oz and 7lb 7oz, but i was in no rush to do the deed after!

gorgeous_gwen

It was a mutual 'want' yes. Really I was quite on top of the world. Tired and all that, I was (still am!) but I felt really loved up as my boyfriend was being great and extremely supportive, really doing his bit, and it was plain to see that he adored baby just as much as me and I just looked at him and thought he was the bees knees!

Now however he is on strict instruction that relations will be resumed not right now thank you very much!

Any comments about nice looking ladies have been met with an ice cold glare and a comment along the lines of well if you would her then I'd definitely do Colin Farrell/Johnny Depp/Jason Statham (can't think of specific examples but whoever's in the same film/program as the male star!) and he promptly shuts up! Being fair he's realised he's being a nob and has apologised when he's done it, which hasn't been much since he realised what he sounded like.

keelykat

Blimey, i'm shocked at anyone wanting sex so soon after having a baby-stitches or no stitches! My sister told me there was a girl in the bed next to her who actually had sex while they were still in there though-she could hear clearly what they were doing with the curtian pulled around! Madness!

I had three 2nd degree tears-so I was too sore and uncomfortable untill 3 months when we properly tried and succeeded, i'm glad he's patient and doesn't drool over other women infront of me lol!

The thought of sex while still bleeding put me off too, not nice.

keely.

RoxieW

euwwww that's vile!

No I was given no advice to do it before or after 6 week check - besides - I just had my 6 (well, its 8 wks round here) check and the dr went no where near that area so why wait until then specifically? She simply asked me 'hows the sex?' so was assuming that we were having some.

Personally I'm all for waiting until an individual is ready but for those waiting six months, a year or longer it strikes me as abit of an excuse - unless there is a physical reason of course. Sure there's the tiredness but if there is no point within a week/weekend when you can muster the energy for 10 mins lol then there's something abit wrong there. Fair enough- some people dont prioritise sex but you cant use a year old baby as an excuse!

galvanizersbaby

keelykat wrote: »

Blimey, i'm shocked at anyone wanting sex so soon after having a baby-stitches or no stitches! My sister told me there was a girl in the bed next to her who actually had sex while they were still in there though-she could hear clearly what they were doing with the curtian pulled around! Madness!

:eek: That is terrible behaviour!

I had c- sections with both of mine and I can't recall how long it was before relations resumed but I can remember being told to wait 6 weeks and I think it was something to do with risk of infection?! My lady bits were obviously unharmed but I assume there must be some sort of associated risk? or was that wait 6 week's to drive?!:D
Not sure if this was c-section related or not but I don't think so as I recall my sister being given similar advice after a normal delivery

Its interesting to see all the different advice that's been given to mum's on this recently and over the years

Rachie_B

keelykat wrote: »

Blimey, i'm shocked at anyone wanting sex so soon after having a baby-stitches or no stitches! My sister told me there was a girl in the bed next to her who actually had sex while they were still in there though-she could hear clearly what they were doing with the curtian pulled around! Madness!

I had three 2nd degree tears-so I was too sore and uncomfortable untill 3 months when we properly tried and succeeded, i'm glad he's patient and doesn't drool over other women infront of me lol!

The thought of sex while still bleeding put me off too, not nice.

keely.

NOOOOO ! :eek: