Boyfriend being insensitive after baby's birth

ailuro2

The OP is lucky not to have suffered an air embollism, then the boyfriend would be left caring for a week-old baby on his own!

Also, the risk of infection at the site where the pacenta came away from OP is high, so having sex is higher risk, for obvious reasons.


If he is having to relieve himself, then fair enough, but ask him to do it when you're not in the house, or are asleep. If he makes comments about another woman's appearance, then tell him she's not just given birth, is not the mother of his child, and that you wonder if her OH would be so insensitive as to ogle other women when his partner was feeling so emotional.

If that doesn't work, tell him something I heard many years ago....

Any [STRIKE]!!!!!![/STRIKE] person can fill a pram, it takes someone special to be a good [STRIKE]father.[/STRIKE] parent.
Modified for the pc brigade.;)

Pssst

This is all wrong. The OP is an individual in her own right and not some kind of receptacle to be used for the satisfaction of others. The only time to make lurvvve is when both parties wish to. He sounds like an insensitive bully to me.

aliasojo

I feel a bit sorry for the OP....I bet she's wishing she never started this now. It's one thing if she calls her OH a selfish, immature git, but she loves him and she might be feeling a bit bad now that we're all doing it too.

OP...I hope baby and you are well and you're getting through this first period of adjustment without too many more issues.

toniq

Maybe he is struggling with adjusting from being a lad to being a father, he might be trying to hang on to his "young , carefree, days" hence the smart comments, being a parent brings all that responsibility which some people take on without issues others might struggle with, Us females are the nurturing species.
It must be hard for men if one night it's ps3 and a few beers and a bit of nookie to Baby bottles, lullabys and a quick peck.
Hope u both work through it xxxxxx

paulabear

Here's an invaluable technique I have found works with just about anything to do do with people 'mentioning' things which upset you (worked on my dad, and he is King 'Mentioner', when it comes to my failings!)
Next time your boyfriend does this, say firmly to him that every time he does it you feel upset because your body has just gone through major changes and you feel unattractive and exhausted. Tell him that, now that you have explained this to him, you are going to assume that each time he does it from now on he is doing it to upset you. This gives you license to have a massive go at him if he ever does it again : D you'll find that he genuinely forgets a few times, but when you put it as clearly as this it makes him realise how serious you are instead of just bickering about reasons each time.
I think men do this with the intention of pressuring us into having sex more - 'ooh, I'd better sleep with him or he might find someone else' - even if they're not consciously thinking about it. I explained to my husband that he'd get more if I felt more attractive, so now if he's after something I get, 'Have I told you today you're gorgeous?' (it took AGES though) which is much nicer even if it is the same thing lol!

emlou2009

aliasojo wrote: »

I feel a bit sorry for the OP....I bet she's wishing she never started this now. It's one thing if she calls her OH a selfish, immature git, but she loves him and she might be feeling a bit bad now that we're all doing it too.

OP...I hope baby and you are well and you're getting through this first period of adjustment without too many more issues.

couldnt have said it better myself.

gorgeous_gwen

Wow what a response, what can I say?

Well in his defence (but only a bit because the rest I am cross about), it was a mutual 'situation' the week after the birth. He didn't have to talk me into it because, well, I wanted to. It was only afterwards when it wasn't too pleasant that it put me off and I made it clear to him I wanted to wait for a while. He said he was fine and it had put him off too.

However it was the comments that I don't like. In every other respect he's really good, a great dad, really pulls his weight, I can't complain at all.

It's got to the point where even if an attractive woman comes on tv I'm wincing and yes, I've started comparing myself to them which I HATE because I have NEVER been like that, and I know it's ridiculous.

I hate it.

Loopy_Lobes

gorgeous_gwen wrote: »

It's got to the point where even if an attractive woman comes on tv I'm wincing and yes, I've started comparing myself to them which I HATE because I have NEVER been like that, and I know it's ridiculous.

I hate it.

I think your hormones are probably having a lot to do with this, baby blues can cause you not just to be down and crying all the time but to be touchy, unreasonable and paranoid too, rather like PMT!

Also society puts so much pressure on women to look fabulous soon after birth, it's ridiculous really, you need time to let your body get back to normal naturally, it took 9 months for the baby to grow and it take's the same amount of time to get back into shape. Picures of celebs back into their size zeros with a tiny baby do not help - they are not normal! they have personal trainers, chefs and nannies galore and don't have to worry about the washing!

Be kind to yourself and don't look at other women as a threat, you've just had a baby, these early days fly by so fast so enjoy him.

Mojisola

Loopy_Lobes wrote: »

Also society puts so much pressure on women to look fabulous soon after birth, it's ridiculous really, you need time to let your body get back to normal naturally, it took 9 months for the baby to grow and it take's the same amount of time to get back into shape. Picures of celebs back into their size zeros with a tiny baby do not help - they are not normal! they have personal trainers, chefs and nannies galore and don't have to worry about the washing!

This is what my Gran used to say! And it's still good advice.

daphne_descends

Your baby is a flipping week old and you are thinking and worrying about sex? Jesus. My OH waited a YEAR, readers, a whole YEAR. And you know what? He was a gentlemen about it.