Boyfriend being insensitive after baby's birth

rach29

Can I offer an alternative suggestion? Please understand I'm not wanting to upset you, but are you sure you are not overreacting?

After my last baby I cried for days because I took something the wrong way & thought I had lost a good friend. I think my hormones were in overdrive and I was imagining a situation that just wasn't there.

If I'm completely wrong ignore me, I just want to offer the possibility.

Talk to him.

bestpud

Show him this thread, and a few more baby threads, and he will see how lucky he is you've even given it a thought!

Some men feel pushed out when a baby comes along and, if he is controlled by his 'little head', he will see sex as a way of affirming you are still his girlfriend and still love him.

Just keep talking is my advice. Tell him you love him (he should do the same back!) and try to spend time together each day (easier said than done I know).

Make it clear to him he may well be prolonging the 'problem' by putting pressure on you now, as you may start to associate sex with ill-feeling and arguments and we women are easily turned off by such negative associations.

Tell him it's a bit like when you want him to do something around the house (or whatever) and he keeps putting it off, and ask him if he feels better or worse about it if you/someone else nags him, or tries to coerce him into it.

If you can find an example relevent to him, hopefully he will see that putting pressure on someone can make something he has to do seem much worse.

Hmm, that's the sensible and objective advice out of the way! :rolleyes:



What would I actually do....?

Tell him to bl00dy grow up as he's acting like a brat! :mad::mad::mad:

aliasojo

Glamazon wrote: »

I plan to subsitute it with lots and lots of hugs & kisses and making sometime for him and me as well as I think Dad's sometimes get forgotten about. There are other things other than sex to keep a man happy .

Lol.....I'd be interested to see if you still feel the same way once baby is here. I suspect you will feel pretty much like the rest of us and will be too tired/sore/distracted and just not bloody interested for the frst few weeks.

OP...your hubby is acting like a kid. His life and routine has changed but his emotions haven't. Part of being a grown up is dealing with this.

You need to tell him what an unsupportive git he is being and ask him how he would feel if he had to have an op on his willy and was out of action for a few weeks. Would he be happy about you dropping 'jokey' comments right left and centre about the lack of action...and would he completely understand why you also started drooling over every passing male? :rolleyes:

thatgirlsam

bestpud wrote: »

Show him this thread, and a few more baby threads, and he will see how lucky he is you've even given it a thought!

Some men feel pushed out when a baby comes along and, if he is controlled by his 'little head', he will see sex as a way of affirming you are still his girlfriend and still love him.

Just keep talking is my advice. Tell him you love him (he should do the same back!) and try to spend time together each day (easier said than done I know).

Make it clear to him he may well be prolonging the 'problem' by putting pressure on you now, as you may start to associate sex with ill-feeling and arguments and we women are easily turned off by such negative associations.

Tell him it's a bit like when you want him to do something around the house (or whatever) and he keeps putting it off, and ask him if he feels better or worse about it if you/someone else nags him, or tries to coerce him into it.

If you can find an example relevent to him, hopefully he will see that putting pressure on someone can make something he has to do seem much worse.

Hmm, that's the sensible and objective advice out of the way! :rolleyes:



What would I actually do....?

Tell him to bl00dy grow up as he's acting like a brat! :mad::mad::mad:

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good advice

floss2

He's being an insensitive, immature, thoughtless young man.

I would ask your midwife / health visitor / GP (whoever you see next if baby is only 1 week old) for guidance on when you can resume sexual relations........and repeat it loudly so your B/F can hear. If he still doesn't get the fact that it can be seriously damaging to your health, then I would follow WannabeSybil's excellent advice & buy him a mag & a bottle of baby oil!

I'm not sure how he would have dealt with a situation like mine after DS2 - he was a quick "assisted" delivery with more tears than George Michael's jeans, enough stitching to make a new Bayeux tapestry and strict instructions from midwife & gynae consultant to lay off until DS2 was 3 months old when the repairs had healed!

BTW, you quite probably are a hormonal volcano at present, but that still doesn't excuse his behaviour

ella_ella_ella

We never did anything the whole time I was pregnant and it was at least 6 weeks afterwards as I remember going for the 6 week check just before, but even then it was really uncomfortable and not something that was quickly repeated!

shellsuit

I'd tell him if he wants some, to go do DIY in the bathroom!

Your body has been through a big ordeal and it needs time to repair itself. Not to be poked by someone who is being a selfish prat!


I feel mean on my OH, he's not pestered me or anything (I'm 36 weels PG), but I have told him to feel free to DIY and I won't get offended at all!

Zazen999

I've not had kids [enough work with the stepdaughter], but if my OH was pestering me like this, I'd suggest us ramming a tin can of tomato soup through HIS front expandable passage and seeing if he still fancies a bit of the other/nookie afterwards...

He DOES know how babies are born doesn't he???

[other soups are available]

sooz

Zazen999 wrote: »

I've not had kids [enough work with the stepdaughter], but if my OH was pestering me like this, I'd suggest us ramming a tin can of tomato soup through HIS front expandable passage and seeing if he still fancies a bit of the other/nookie afterwards...

He DOES know how babies are born doesn't he???

[other soups are available]

I was thinking of something more spiky. Perhaps a cactus?

Paparika

omg he is insensitive, like others have said and the midwife etc will tell you, 6 weeks then you can 'do it'.

down 'there' has just had a major time and needs time to get back to normal, tell him to sod off and wait