Feeling so low

jackomk

I really feel for you, like someone else has already posted, this sounds like such a similar situation to the one I was in nearly 3 years ago. Ex husband was also taking Citalopram, unbeknown to me he had cut them down, thinking they were making him worse :mad:. Messing with them completely messed him up and the mood swings were unbearable. I tried every tactic to get him to open up. Shouting, crying, reasoning, everything. In the end I realized it was the kids that were suffering. Things were going on in their lives that I had no idea about, because so much time was taken up with my ex who to be honest was acting like a spoilt brat wanting all the attention, good or bad. I took the decision to end the marriage after 17 years. Not easy, bloody hard in fact, but it all seemed worth it when my son was asked by a friened of ours how he felt and his reply......." happy, because ive got my mum back"

Take care whatever you decide xx

flo5

hi,

Agree with other posters you need to see your GP and get some support for yourself.

M.E is an awful illness - my husband has had it for 20 years there are times when I could cheerfully strangle him, especially when the children are also driving me crazy - stroppy teenagers, enough said!

You need some tlc some sending some hugs

julliff

Hello Everyone,

Thanks for your comments, they really help.

today, I am alone in the house wit OH,he is downstairs watching telly. He stayed downstars all night last night, so things arent getting any better.

I went tobed qite early. DD1 came up some time after,and asked me if I loved Dad. I said I didn't know. She said thatshe asked Dad if he loved me,ad he said yes, so I am now the bad guy.

He asked her is she was scared of him, to which she replied "No,but I am scared of you and Mum splitting up". He told her that wasnt going to happen.
now DD1 is begging me to make an effort with OH, but I cant. She suggested to him that he should say sorry to me, but he said "I've done nothing wrong". That says it all really.

I think he genuinely cant see what he is like.

DD2 has started to notice things are not right,and she also had a go at me for ignoring her dad.

what a mess - I have only eaten once in three days - I feel sick with it all

hot.chick

you need to talk to him......

Your daughter is noticing things are wrong, so speak to him.

Maybe start with saying that you want to talk, not shout or blame, but talk like adults.

I've no experience of ME or anything like it so have no input in this area.

How about Relate? If you love him and want to save your marriages and he does too then nothing should stand in your way.

If you don't then at least it's a decision made and you can make plans accordingly.

Sounds like an awful situation to be in - good luck x

julliff

hot chick,

thanks for your reply. I cant talk to him - I try,and he just wont ever see anyone elses side but his own, he can twist things round as well.

He would never go to relate - I asked him once before.

jackomk - what happened to your OH after you split up? did he get better?

hot.chick

Could you write something down?

Stick to the facts and how these events have made you feel.

there is always the hard line ultimatum, relate or dicorce.

Could you go there on your own - they might hve coping stratagies? Or are there any support groups for partners of ME sufferers?

jackomk

Jullif - have sent you a pm x

Marg

Hello again - So sorry to hear things are no better. This needs to be resolved before it makes you ill & then where would the family be? They already rely on you. Your OH needs somehow to stop taking you for granted - the fact that he told your daughter you would never split up is telling. I can see you don't want rows rumbling on in the house. If he wont go to relate (I'd ask him again) would he go to GP's with you? Could your GP suggest another counselling place?

Re Relate or divorce ultimatum - it's a good idea, but, you must be clear in your own mind that you can carry it through if he doesn't co-operate. There was a lovely thread on here before Xmas where a lady detailed her plans to leave her OH AND she carried it through & posted updates, changing her bank accouts, renting a home, packing stuff up and moving it out. She was so happy when she moved into her new home & found peace for her and her children. Sadly, I cant remember her name but hope she's OK.

yoni_one

((Juliff)) You are not going mad, in this thread you have questioned your responsibility for his failings and bad moods because he has manipulated this. It is very common and so subtle it is hard to recognise while it is happening but your post screams of it.

His controlling behaviour is a form of bullying. Your relationship does not sound like an equal one, it sounds like things need to go his way first and foremost and when they don't anyone but him is to blame, including your daughter. He has no right to assume or insist you all orbit around him.

I am concerned for you and your daughter. This type of behaviour is totally draining and messes with the mind big time.

I sometimes facilitate a short course on behalf of our local Women's Aid centre. The course is called Crucial Crew aimed at year 6 children giving them information about staying safe. One of the important messages we reinforce to the children is that if one adult is emotionally or physical hurting another adult in the home children need to know that the hurting is never a child's fault and it is never a child's job to try and sort it out.

I am concerned that he has manipulated it such that your daughter is putting pressure on you to keep the relationship going, ie 'please accept whatever he does because I don't want it to be my fault if my parents split up'.

The helpline in my signature is a really good one. If you ever feel overwhelmed and hurt that you are being blamed for everything that goes wrong in the house then please consider calling them.

The following website may help your daughter understand things better http://www.thehideout.org.uk/default.aspa

I am so sorry you are going through this. Please feel free to pm me if you want to explore this further.

yoni_one

Marg wrote: »

There was a lovely thread on here before Xmas where a lady detailed her plans to leave her OH AND she carried it through & posted updates, changing her bank accouts, renting a home, packing stuff up and moving it out. She was so happy when she moved into her new home & found peace for her and her children. Sadly, I cant remember her name but hope she's OK.

Do you mean this post by rolo? http://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/showthread.html?t=1291367

I know her strength has inspired many.