Feeling so low

julliff

Hello

I have come back to this post because things have gone bad again. We dont see eye to eye about my daughter - I think he is too harsh on her. She is basically a good kid, but he is always looking at the negative in her.

For example,it she had a sleepover yesterday,and when I came down to the kitchen,all the towels were missing.I asked her about it, and she said that she and her friends were doing makeovers,and used the kitchen towels. I said, Oh, I was worried you had splilt something in there - and she said no. Husband went into sleepover room,and found loads of soggy towels, and it turns out that a cup of water went over. He is raging at her for leaving wet towels around and lying to us. I see it from her point of view,that she was just scared of Dad having a go at her again! I know she shouldnt lie,but it wasnt over drugs or anything!

Went out with girls as I didnt want tostay in bad atmmosphere. Left girls at sisters house and came home.

We end up rowing, and he tells me he is sick of me lecturing him about how my father made me feel,and I am always prattling on about it.

I was really cross, and told him I have not forgotten cruel swipe over his job.
I am reallly hurt because he has had a lot of things in his life,and I feel like I have been very supportive (Dad died, Mum died, two terrible brothers, shock family he never knew he had, ME etc,etc). I have listened to him, and never told him he was prattling on!


He is now saying he is always made to feel like the bad b*stard, and it would be better is he left. I said if he feels like that..... Now he is downstairs, listening to his music and drinking beer.

I think it is just the end. My nerves are shot. I just feel sad for the girls.

Fat_Fairy

this is awful - my husband is fairly similar, he's also ill and i understand to some extent how horrible that is, but apparently it means i don't have the right to ever feel sad or ill myself!.
As he's offered to go i'm afraid i would grab the opportunity with both hands and go and pack his things for him.

Bitsy_Beans

I am sorry things aren't going so well.
Do you think your OH could be depressed? I am not excusing his behaviour, he's been terribly cruel with his remarks. Sounds as though he's hurting the person closest too him and that's you.

January20

He doesn't sound depressed. He sounds like a controlling man who is self-centred and has a tantrum when he cannot get his own way.

As Fat-Fairy said, since he's offered to go, might be the time to think strongly whether that would be better for you and your girls. From post 8 it sounds like it's been going on for a while. Do you want to spend the next 20 years of your life creeping around his bad moods and being blamed for his failings?

julliff

Thank you all for your replies - I cant type much at the mo - computer is in bedroom,and OH is in bed. But I would like to reply later, when he is up!

julliff

Well, things dont seem any better.

OH is now back in his room, sorting out music. I really cant stand this atmosphere, but if I go and speak to him, it will be like admitting I am in the wrong. (He will see it like that,I am sure).

This morning, DD1 was very quiet, and I asked her what was wrong. she said last night she went to say goodnight to her Dad, and he told her that it was her fault that he & I were arguing,and that was she trying to split us up? He said she takes the p*ss out of me!

I think that is a terrible thing to say to a child - I have spent ages teling her that she is not to blame, there is a lot more to it than that. I even told her what her Dad said about me losing him his job, soshe wouldn't feel like everything was her fault. And that he is always looking for someone to blame.

I'm going to go out with girls soon - he can do what he wants. I am so,so tired of it all.

Maybe I am to blame for alll of this - I just dont know any more.

princessamy86

Just wanted to send you a hug, it is a horrible thing to say. He sounds like he has just lost all perspective of right and wrong and is just lashing out at everyone. You are not to blame! If he can't control his temper then there is nothing you can do except distance yourself, I would seriously think about giving yourself a break and a bit of space, even if you just stay with a friend/relative for a few days.

foreign_correspondent

This is not your fault, I wonder if your husbands diagnosis of ME is right, it sounds to me as if he could have other problems. Either way it seems he has to put the blame onto others or external factors when things go wrong. Sadly, it is you and your daughter who are suffering from this, and you sound like you are both taking his blame on board. You cant alter how he feels but you do need to be able to see this objectively.

Can you get away and go for a break for a few days?

lilac_lady

julliff - I feel so sad when I read your posts. I could have written them myself when my ex and I were still married. I waited till my children were grownup before I left him - the best thing I ever did in my life. I'm sorry to be negative, but he won't change. Some people need to blame others when things are not going well, excusing themselves of any responsiblity for their cruel behaviour. EVERYTHING was always my fault.

I had very good friends who helped me through it and every day I feel so glad that I found the courage to be happy. As another poster said -do you want to spend the rest of your life being miserable and at the mercy of someone else's moods?

Be strong, you're entitled to a peaceful life.

BTW, my children said I should have left their father years before I did. They still see him occasionally but he's not really interested in them. Selfishness doesn't change.

julliff

Hello, and thank you all for your support.

Lilac_lady- thatis exactly what Iam lookig for - some peace.

I constantly feel churned up inside.