Feeling so low

Marg

Prowla - I think you 're wrong to say that this thread is anti men. I see it that we are trying to offer constructive help to a lady who is struggling to keep her family together through the 'worse'.

julliff

Hello all.

Again many thaks for your replies - I do gather stregth from it.

It has been a roller coaster week, but nothing has really changed- except I think I have come to realise that OH cannot possibly love me,and has not for some time.

Last Tuesday he sad "sowhat are we going to do". I said that until he recognised he had a problem, there was nothing to talk about. I also said that I thought he had lost allsense of proportion, and cited a few examples of his behaviour (the ferry indicdent, my birthday etc) and how it wasnt right. I also mentioned what DD1 had said about him blaming her if we split up. Anyway, he just went really quiet, so I thought it was hitting home. He denied saying that to DD1,and it turns out he didnt (DD1 now says).

Anyway,after that his behaviour towards the kids completely changed, and they have all been getting on great.. He even took them out!

But,he didn't respond to my comments at all. I went to sisters in Torquay, and we were sort of speaking, although I was finding it hard, as he hadn't really said anything to me, so I felt like the root problem was not being addressed.

So,this morning, I said, aren't you going to respond to what I said last week? Well, it all just started again, and he still blames me for losing him his job. I said, well, I had better move out, as you said you were going to,but you are still here. He offered to move downstairs! I dont want this, as nothing will change re - me having all the responsibility.

He said "we are obviously not good for each other." Well, I am afraid I lost it a bit then, and said, well I think I have been good for you - and maybe he should go and find someone else who will be as supportive as I have been - good luck with that.

He is sleeping on the sofa again.

I feel so hurt - it seems like he couldnt care less about my feelings. What a mug I have been all these years.

I want to tell the kids we are splitting up - anything else just feels so dishonest.
I just dont know where to start.

I m exhausted fron crying - wrung out.

julliff

Just wanted to add,thatlast week, I think he thought thatwe would ust get back to normal - but hehas hurt me so much, that I needed more than that from him,otherwise I would staill be living worrying about his moods.

Does that make sense?

jackomk

Hey, been thinking about you.
Well from your latest posts it seems you have made up your mind. It great that OH has changed his attitude towards the kids, but in my experience its all about mind games (thats just from my experience of course) If you really have decided there is no going back, start thinking practically how you will manage, financially ect. Its hard enough starting over without having all that to think about at the time too. Im sure the kids will understand. Maybe not right away, but give them time. Take care

julliff

HEy jackomk

Thanks for replying - didn't expect a reply at this hour.

I feel like I have made up my mind - because OH has shown no remorse for his behaviour towards me - although apparently he did tell DD1 that he knew he had black moods and was sorry. Obviously, he doesn't think I deserve an apology.

that is what really hurts just now. He just doesn't care. I feel like he doesn't respect me.

So, that is why I feel like the end is now here.

I am worried - I think that the kids will choose to stay with him. So, I am set to lose everything. Plus, this is their home. Darn, that has made me cry again!

I suppose I will have to pay maintenance? I obviously want to support my kids,if they dont want to come with me, but how will I cope with the mortgae (OH is redundant),rent and maintenance? As I said, I dont know where to start.

I feel like I am going mad.

julliff

Hello All,

wanted to post, as we may have a sliver of a breakthrough.

OH suggested we went to RELATE. I cant believe it. OK, he did say it in a confontational, hostile way, but it could be seen as progress.

I said I would go, but if it doesn't work, I am not prepared to stay in a sham of a marriage.

We will see. I am working late tonight, and have said that since he is home all day, he can ring and make the apointment.

mrcow

I think you need to set yourself a deadline.

Say eg. two months?

That takes it to the 22nd June - enough time to make a difference. If things haven't changed for the better by then, then they're never going to. You'd only be kidding yourself if you thought otherwise.

allIcouldwishfor

julliff wrote: »

Hello All,

wanted to post, as we may have a sliver of a breakthrough.

OH suggested we went to RELATE. I cant believe it. OK, he did say it in a confontational, hostile way, but it could be seen as progress.

I said I would go, but if it doesn't work, I am not prepared to stay in a sham of a marriage.

We will see. I am working late tonight, and have said that since he is home all day, he can ring and make the apointment.

That's really good Julliff - it shows he's prepared to work on your relationship, even if he's not really prepared to tell you so. Good luck with it and I hope you can get your spark back.

allIcouldwishfor

Hi Juliff,

I hope you are ok and that things have started to improve for you. Have you made any further progress with looking into couples counselling?

julliff

Well, things aren’t great. but I appreciate you asking - so much

As I thought, he has not made appointment with Relate – maybe I should make it myself.

He went to counselling on Friday, and I was surprised to hear him tell me that when the counsellor asked him how things were between us, he said they are alright. He really can’t take onboard how unhappy I am. He also laughed when he said that he told her about the “I lost him his job” episode. She asked him how he felt about his job, and he said he hated it, so she said; maybe you should be thanking her then. I told him told him that I didn’t think any of it was funny, and that I am still really hurt about it. He said we shouldn’t talk about it because we will never see eye to eye, and I don’t realise how bad I made him feel.

Nothing seems to be being resolved. He moaned at me because he thought I hadn’t put his beer in the fridge, which he had asked ne to do. I had, and my children backed me up, but he had come in the night before, and must have taken it out, and drunk it. I said he should apologise to me, but he would not. He never does. I know it seems trivial, but I find it so annoying. If he can’t apologise over something so unimportant, where he is definitely the obe who is wrong, then what hope is there?

I just feel empty and flat inside. I don’t think we belong together.