Advice on maybe cheating other half

Nikabella

RichyRich wrote: »

Similarly, to whomever suggested that you call the woman before you speak to the OH and lie saying he's admitted it - that's almost as bad as cheating itself - using a falsification to obtain a confession and makes you no better than either of them, and is certainly entrapment.

I agree that trying to encourage someone to confess with a slightly underhand approach isn't above reprise, however, I can't see how that is entrapment? Isn't it entrapment of the woman that is being lied to.

In my case I didn't have to lie to the other woman as when I told her what I had seen/read (much more obvious cheating than the OP's) & she heard how upset I was she told me the truth. The cheater had got her to lie for him originally, telling me that I could ask her & she would tell me the "truth" but it wasn't until I properly confronted her that she admitted it.

I don't really see why the OH can't ring the woman & tell her what she has seen & that she is upset & see what the woman has to say. After all the text exists so there's no falsification there. Some men (& women) have a problem with lying & cannot tell the truth under any circumstances so it's up to the woman to decide how much they need to know the truth.

prowla

I think there are one or two people on here who seem to have the idea that they own their significant other, and have a right to control them and pry into their every move.
I don't know if blokey is cheating or not (they could be robbing banks for all I know!), but you do not have the right to demand to see their phone, check their bank statements, whatever.
A couple is supposed to be two people who want to be together regardless, and choose to do so.
Coming on here and taking all sorts of stupid advice won't help you at all.

garthdp

RichyRich wrote: »

I can't believe that so many of you have told the OP she has done nothiing wrong. She has. She has invaded his privacy.

Nobody can excuse cheating but your suspicions in this respect similarly don't warrant you stooping to their level, even if you would class what you did as a lesser "crime".

A strong relationship is based on openness honesty and trust.if he has something to hide which seems to be the case with his behavior, then there are grounds for suspicion,In a healthy relationship based on mutual respect there is no need to hide things from a partner.Behavior of this type will inevitably undermine the trust that holds a relationship together and lead to "underhand " behaviour to assuage the suspicion that a potentially cuckolded partner may have.

give her a break for christs sake,what else can she do?

barriejohn69

My god. How many man haters and women with far too much time on their hands are there on here? I think most of you have been watching a bit too much loose women and reading a bit too much of Chat or Bella.

Not all men are pigs. More than 50% of men would cheat?? Not a chance, mainly through fear. I'm not exactly god's gift but sometimes get propositioned but I wouldn't dream of straying.

One thing to think about. (not directed to anyone specifically). If men stray it is probably for a reason. Maybe because they can't get a word in because you spend too much time on this forum!!

Nikabella

JoJoB wrote: »

I think there are one or two people on here who seem to have the idea that they own their significant other, and have a right to control them and pry into their every move.
I don't know if blokey is cheating or not (they could be robbing banks for all I know!), but you do not have the right to demand to see their phone, check their bank statements, whatever.
A couple is supposed to be two people who want to be together regardless, and choose to do so.
Coming on here and taking all sorts of stupid advice won't help you at all.

The OP hasn't done anything to try & own or control her OH. If a person is acting suspiciously & being secretive then it is not unexpected that the OP would feel the need to explore the situation. These are not normal characteristics in a healthy, loving relationship, clearly the OP does want to be in the relationship & she is trying to find out if her OH feels the same.

There are lots of people who stay in relationships whilst conducting affairs & the like, some clearly do not want to be in the relationship, but rather than leave honourably they drag their OH into lies & confusion.

In a healthy, loving relationship you would want to reassure your OH & would be shocked & worried if they thought you were cheating & you weren't. As an innocent person, with nothing to hide, I would provide anything my OH wanted to see to reassure him should he ever think that I was cheating as it would break my heart to think he felt that way. I agree with garthdp that openness, honesty & respect are the most important things in any healthy relationship. I hope the OP's OH hasn't been behaving inappropriately but if he has & can admit to this then it can be worked through if both parties are prepared to put the work in. Finding your out your OH has been lying to you is devastating - my thoughts are with the OP.

SailorSam

I can't see why some people are talking about snooping and invasion of privacy. If you are a couple in a relationship you should'nt feel the need to have secrets. You should be 100% open.

*Louise*

Carli - glad to see you are a little calmer about it all. That's the best way, you need to confront him with a clear and rational mind. I don't know how you managed to go for these last few days keeping that to yourself.

I don't think people should be checking their partner's phone, but if they exhibited a sudden change on behaviour, never leaving it about, then it's a sure sign something's amiss and it does need to be checked out. My OH never checks my phone, but if he was ever worried about anything then he can look all he wants. The worst part of being cheated on is the doubts in between your suspicions and finding any proof. It can drive you insane.

I work in a male-orientated environment and know that more than 50% of them have cheated. Some are total creeps. But then, if all women stayed away from men with partners, they wouldn't have the opportunity.

geri1965_2

I never look at my OH's phone, don't feel the need to. However, if he started acting oddly and I was suspicious then I would, and I wouldn't feel guilty about it either.

Pssst

upsetonerightnow wrote: »

Men are just PIGS!! they try to make you think that everything is your fault when it's not. Good luck for tonight hun

xxxx

Its 50/50. There are plenty of mad wimmin around also. Anyway,who are the men sh&gging? eachother?

Pssst

Smit1970 wrote: »

You could probably add "and lose some weight" to that for most English women. :rolleyes:

The OP's question should be: "I suspect my man has wandering eyes, I don't want to get all uptight about it without evidence, and start playing amateur sleuth though. How can I best keep my man?"

Introspection dear lady; introspection.

Duuuuhhhhh.." a man is like a carpet. Lay him well and you can walk all over him..."