Advice on maybe cheating other half

McKneff

Some questions (maybe more suitable for discussion time than this thread. So please do not answer) Why can you not love more than one person? Why can you not have a physical attraction to more than one person?

Who says you cannot love more than one person - of course you can

Who says youcannot have a physical attraction to more than on person - again, of course you can. You would have to be blind not to do this.

TotallyBroke

kazmc wrote: »

TotallyBroke wrote: »

No not at all but you have to think what is the other person giving to the OH that you are not (I don't just mean that as sex, it could be something as simple as an understanding ear). If OP finds out that her suspicion is correct, then she will need to understand why he chose to cheat. Then she will need to decide if she can do the same so that he doesn't stray again. She will also need to decide whether she can forgive and forget, forgive only or forget only.
People are able to perform so many roles, some are more easier to define. Parent, child, sibling etc. Others are not so easy for some, Wife, Mother, partner or lover.

I do not need to grow up, I am a grown up already. I was just quoting a saying.

Some questions (maybe more suitable for discussion time than this thread. So please do not answer) Why can you not love more than one person? Why can you not have a physical attraction to more than one person?
In some cultures you are allowed to marry more than one woman. It is accepted. Each woman will bring something different to the marriage. But it does not mean that one is loved any less. I personally have only been two of the points that you show. But that is my choosing.

wanting your cake and eating it springs to mind :mad:

Good luck OP

But I don't see it as having the cake and eating it. The women are two different cakes, they bring different tastes to the palate, even if the cakes are identical there will still be slight differences.
So it's a case of nibbling at both cakes and some may say there is nothing wrong with that.
Some may find the act of the deception more upsetting than the act of adultary. Some people have open relationships and are comfortable doing so, but to do so you have to be open and truthful with each other.

I personally hate lies so when a man deceives me like that, I cannot forget. I can forgive because I can see that we are only human but I cannot forget the lie. I can cope with any situation if it is the truth.

That is why I suggested to the OP to give him the option and tools to admit his possible wrong doing. Rather than confronting him. He is more likely to give the full truth if he believes it is his choice to do so, than if he is being accused.
Plus the text could've been sent to him in error, she maybe having an affair with a different collegue and he didn't delete from his phone because he wanted to show her the mistake she made. So many people have scrolled through their phone books and clicked send and it's been the wrong person.
I feel going in guns blazing will do more harm to their relationship than good.

But I still wish OP the very best of luck. I hope she is happy no matter what the outcome.

Uniscots97

upsetonerightnow wrote: »

Men are just PIGS!! they try to make you think that everything is your fault when it's not. Good luck for tonight hun

xxxx

Honestly they're not all that bad. There are some nice ones. Believe me, give yourself a bit of time and you will meet someone nice. Until then, go out with some friends and enjoy life. It will get easier, and in the end its his loss not yours. Hugs.

Pee

I have read through the other posts and haven't noticed anyone say that this might not be as serious as it sounds. It is not good he is taking the phone with him everywhere, and it's very bad that you are placed in a position where you do not trust him going out with his work mates, when that is a natural thing to be doing.. When you speak to him, bear in mind that what she is suggesting they stop might be say flirting, something which if you knew about you might not see as too serious? Good luck talking. I think you want to be as calm as possible and see what he says...

CarliJ

Its funny, but i am calm today, and im going to just discuss it with him in a calm and non angry manner. Its weird that throughout the day i havent really been feeling nervous or anything, i think i have just accepted that as you said Pee he might just be flirting, or it might all be innocent, but tonight is the night i will find out either way. Thanks everyone for the support and very thought provoking comments i have been calmed down and enlightened by them xx

LillyJ

Pee wrote: »

I have read through the other posts and haven't noticed anyone say that this might not be as serious as it sounds. It is not good he is taking the phone with him everywhere, and it's very bad that you are placed in a position where you do not trust him going out with his work mates, when that is a natural thing to be doing.. When you speak to him, bear in mind that what she is suggesting they stop might be say flirting, something which if you knew about you might not see as too serious? Good luck talking. I think you want to be as calm as possible and see what he says...

They might also be talking about arguing, or bickering. Or drinking too much, or gossiping about someone or...anything really.

Good luck

Metranil_Vavin

Good luck CarliJ.

I had something simillar happen to me in my last relationship. I was suspicious and snuck a look at my then-boyfriends phone, and found a bunch of lewd texts from a girl he went to school with.

I wont go into all the details but I tried discussing it with him calmly (even though I was really upset and felt sick about the whole thing) and he promised it was nothing more than texts and he'd stop the flirting with her, but guess what...he didnt and a few months later they were still sex-texting each other.

Needless to say we broke up eventually..my decision and not wholely because of that, more because we were totally wrong for each other, but that whole thing certainly helped cement in my mind that it was never going to work out.

My OH now I trust 100%, and I never feel the need to check up on him..dunno why..I think us girls just have a sixth sense when a bloke is lying.

Let us know anyway how you get on.

Hectors_House

TotallyBroke wrote: »

But I don't see it as having the cake and eating it. The women are two different cakes, they bring different tastes to the palate, even if the cakes are identical there will still be slight differences.
So it's a case of nibbling at both cakes and some may say there is nothing wrong with that.

And what happens if one of them tells you they're pregnant?

RichyRich

I can't believe that so many of you have told the OP she has done nothiing wrong. She has. She has invaded his privacy.

Note, I am not defending what the guy's done if, indeed, he is cheating, which I don't think we have actually established yet. If he's cheated he should be treated as he deserves. But, two wrongs don't make a right - and saying that it's ok to snoop if you don't have permission on the condition that you find something out about someone does NOT make it ok to snoop.

Similarly, to whomever suggested that you call the woman before you speak to the OH and lie saying he's admitted it - that's almost as bad as cheating itself - using a falsification to obtain a confession and makes you no better than either of them, and is certainly entrapment.

Nobody can excuse cheating but your suspicions in this respect similarly don't warrant you stooping to their level, even if you would class what you did as a lesser "crime".

JoJoB

RichyRich wrote: »

Nobody can excuse cheating but your suspicions in this respect similarly don't warrant you stooping to their level, even if you would class what you did as a lesser "crime".

How is she supposed to find out then?

The OP only did what she did because he was exhibiting suspicious behaviour. And believe me, not letting your phone out of your sight is a numero uno sign of something up. If you see your partner doing this you'd better be damn worried, and if you think that you are going to get an honest answer by simply asking them outright then forget it. People who are cheating lie and do not want to be found out. Snooping is the only way to find out.

I don't ever snoop on my husband's emails/texts etc because I trust him completely and he does not show any classic signs of cheating. He wouldn't ever do it. I did once cheat however (which I came clean about, long time ago), and did I ever let my phone out of my sight? Not on your nelly!

OP, I really hope there's an innocent explanation.