Advice on maybe cheating other half

TotallyBroke

And I bet 50% of women would cheat as well if asked and honest.

Am I a cheater because I fantasise having sex with a celebrity. Am I a cheater because I checked out some hot guys backside and commented on what I could do with him.

If a woman wants to stop her man from cheating then the saying goes "Be a maid in the living room, a cook in the kitchen and a !!!!! in the bedroom...."

Lilith1980

My DH keeps his phone with him most of the time, even when going to the toilet (!), but I know this is because he's constantly emailing people about work (he's self employed) and him and his work colleagues are don't seem to be able to shut off and chill even at 11pm at night!

I dont think you did anything wrong if you had your suspicions hun. I would have done the same. Let us know how you get on ((hugs)) xx

Smit1970

TotallyBroke wrote: »

If a woman wants to stop her man from cheating then the saying goes "Be a maid in the living room, a cook in the kitchen and a !!!!! in the bedroom...."

You could probably add "and lose some weight" to that for most English women. :rolleyes:

The OP's question should be: "I suspect my man has wandering eyes, I don't want to get all uptight about it without evidence, and start playing amateur sleuth though. How can I best keep my man?"

Introspection dear lady; introspection.

Nikabella

CarliJ, I know some people will think this is terrible but as someone who once found an OH cheating on them but was led to believe that they weren't for a very long time with more & more elaborate lies I have to say I would do the following. I would gather lots of facts so that I knew definitevely what had been going on before I confronted him.

I would check phone bills, emails, texts etc so that I he couldn't say it was a one off or the such.
I would make a copy of what I saw so that they couldn't claim it never existed.
I would tell him I was nipping out to the shop & that my phone had just died, could I just borrow his for the trip (or similar) & then whilst out I would text the women & ask her why she didn't want to carry it on to try & get a reply from her so that I could gauge what had been going on.

I might even ring the woman & tell her that I knew my OH had been doing things with her that he shouldn't have as he had admitted to it (before I confronted him) & then see what she had to say.

I had to text one of the people the cheater had been cheating with & explain that I knew what he had been doing & that I was devastated before she finally told me the truth as he simply covered the truth with more lies when I confronted him!

If I knew the facts & confronted a cheater & he admitted the truth then I would be prepared to work on trying to get past it. Unfortunately some people can't admit the truth even when given thte oppurtunity & the whole situation becomes even more damaging.

I know lots of people will think you should just confront your OH & give him the chance to be honest but as someone who has been there & tried that I will say that sometimes it's not enough & you will end up living a lie for longer.

A.x

DeeDee74

good luck for later hun.
i think it's better to know the whole truth even if it hurt's least u will know.
as another poster said he may well not tell you the whole truth if any, some people just can't.
best of luck anyway
dee x

bargainbetty

TotallyBroke wrote: »

If a woman wants to stop her man from cheating then the saying goes "Be a maid in the living room, a cook in the kitchen and a !!!!! in the bedroom...."

So do we get a free pass on screwing around if he isn't an electrician in the main house, a plumber in the bathroom and Dirk Diggler in the bedroom?

Grow up. If you cheat it's your own damn responsibility, and if you know the person you are with is cheating on their partner you are no better. If you don't want to be with someone, have the courtesy to break up with them before you leap elsewhere. Get over one person before you get under the next.

I say this as someone who has been all three points in the triangle at some point in life (cheater, cheated and co-cheat). No glass houses here, before anyone says it!

To the OP - I hope it works out for you. Good luck x

TotallyBroke

bargainbetty wrote: »

So do we get a free pass on screwing around if he isn't an electrician in the main house, a plumber in the bathroom and Dirk Diggler in the bedroom?

Grow up. If you cheat it's your own damn responsibility, and if you know the person you are with is cheating on their partner you are no better. If you don't want to be with someone, have the courtesy to break up with them before you leap elsewhere. Get over one person before you get under the next.

I say this as someone who has been all three points in the triangle at some point in life (cheater, cheated and co-cheat). No glass houses here, before anyone says it!

To the OP - I hope it works out for you. Good luck x

No not at all but you have to think what is the other person giving to the OH that you are not (I don't just mean that as sex, it could be something as simple as an understanding ear). If OP finds out that her suspicion is correct, then she will need to understand why he chose to cheat. Then she will need to decide if she can do the same so that he doesn't stray again. She will also need to decide whether she can forgive and forget, forgive only or forget only.
People are able to perform so many roles, some are more easier to define. Parent, child, sibling etc. Others are not so easy for some, Wife, Mother, partner or lover.

I do not need to grow up, I am a grown up already. I was just quoting a saying.

Some questions (maybe more suitable for discussion time than this thread. So please do not answer) Why can you not love more than one person? Why can you not have a physical attraction to more than one person?
In some cultures you are allowed to marry more than one woman. It is accepted. Each woman will bring something different to the marriage. But it does not mean that one is loved any less. I personally have only been two of the points that you show. But that is my choosing.

GC81

Carli, I hope you are ok tonight when you talk to him, I know its not easy (been there, got the divorce papers) but try your hardest to keep calm and listen and then say what you want to.

Then get his phone and stamp all over it!!!

good luck hun.

TotallyBroke

CarliJ wrote: »

So I got home, and unfortunatly his sister needed somewhere to stay the night, so i didnt get an opportunity to speak to him arrrrggggghhhhh. So once today is over with, i am getting him to pick me up from work and having it out there and then with him. I dont care if he shouts about looking at his phone, as the last poster said i would rather know the truth than live a lie, i will keep you all informed on what happens next, and thank you all, all of your messages etc have really helped me to calm down and think rationally! xxxxx

Please do think rationally. Having it out with him implies to me (and it is only my interpretation before people jump on me) that you will be angry when you talk. Be open to speaking and listening. Only you can decide whether your relationship can survive and move on from this.
People also say "once a cheater always a cheater" I do not personally agree with this. If the person that has cheated is able to say what triggered it for them, and the couple are then able to accept the trigger and try to not let that happen again then the relationship can be saved and grow stronger. I wish you all the luck for this evening. I also wish you both all the luck in discussing your future together and your relationship.

kazmc

TotallyBroke wrote: »

No not at all but you have to think what is the other person giving to the OH that you are not (I don't just mean that as sex, it could be something as simple as an understanding ear). If OP finds out that her suspicion is correct, then she will need to understand why he chose to cheat. Then she will need to decide if she can do the same so that he doesn't stray again. She will also need to decide whether she can forgive and forget, forgive only or forget only.
People are able to perform so many roles, some are more easier to define. Parent, child, sibling etc. Others are not so easy for some, Wife, Mother, partner or lover.

I do not need to grow up, I am a grown up already. I was just quoting a saying.

Some questions (maybe more suitable for discussion time than this thread. So please do not answer) Why can you not love more than one person? Why can you not have a physical attraction to more than one person?
In some cultures you are allowed to marry more than one woman. It is accepted. Each woman will bring something different to the marriage. But it does not mean that one is loved any less. I personally have only been two of the points that you show. But that is my choosing.

wanting your cake and eating it springs to mind :mad:

Good luck OP