Advice on maybe cheating other half

CarliJ

So as you can see from the title of this thread, I think my other half is up to no good. We have been together about 5 years now, and we have no secrets or so I thought. Its been a bit weird lately, eg he wont leave his phone anywhere and takes it with him even in the bathroom! So i started to get really worried, and on Saturday he was in the shower, so yes i commited the cardinal sin and looked at his text messages. I dont feel good for doing it but i felt like i needed to. Anyhow, i found a text from one of his work collegues saying this: Ive been thinking and when we all go out together (his work collegues all go out quite alot) and that the thing we do when we are together you an me, we shouldnt do anymore as its doing my head in......................... (she is a married woman with children and is about 8 years older than him I think)

Right what on earth do you all think this is about? I cant help thinking bad stuff and i feel sick as im typing this. Should i go home and confront him about it? I dont know what to do, has anyone else been in this situation?

McKneff

'that thing we do together you and me' seems a very strange thing to say.?

Normal people would just say, well you can use your imagination without going into too much detail

handmaiden_2

yes, my once boyfriend started acting odd, when he started taking his phone to the bathroom i started snooping.... in my case he was cheating and even had another girl and a child to hide.... easy when your a squaddie only coming home at weekends!!

obviously it may all be innocent, but you need t sit down and have the chat with him x x

Smashing

CarliJ wrote: »

Right what on earth do you all think this is about?

Well, I don't think they've been playing gin rummy, sadly.
You need to be honest - you noticed he was acting odd, you were worried and whilst you know you shouldn't have you looked at his phone and found the message etc.

Caseyface

Well it sounds fishy to me, if i had read something like that i think my heart would have sank...there's not really many explanations, if any which may make him innocent in all this.

The fact the message said "we shouldn't do it anymore, it's doing my head in" suggests that whatever has happened has happened more than once, and it's enough for her to try and make it stop.

I mean, it doesn't necessarily mean that they have gone so far as sleeping together, perhaps they've had a few snogs, which STILL doesn't make it right, but it all depends on what he says and how he feels about this other woman.

There are so many considerations in this, and i genuinely feel for you.

Either way you need to talk to him about it, otherwise it will tear you up inside and your relationship will never be the same anyway if you're thinking about it everytime he's out with work.

Fess up and admit you looked at his phone, in all respect i personally think you had good reason to, but others may argue you should have chatted to him about your suspicions first, either way he can fob you off. If you have been together 5 years, i would hope you could tell if he was lying to you. Confront him and your worst fears of what has happened, you never know, he might break down and tell you everything (if anything) that has happened. It might even make you stronger as a couple if you manage to sort things out. Sometimes, couples wobble, it is unacceptable to cheat, but in reality some people do. It all depends on the strength of your relationship, your love and respect for eachother and whether you can move on from this.

Good luck x

velvetybubbles

yer defo dodgey that xx
best of luck xx

TotallyBroke

Do you have a mobile yourself. I'm hoping you do and I'm hoping you are payg. If you are, ask him if you can borrow his phone to ring your Mum because you are out of credit. Do this just as he is getting in the shower.
If he is upto something he will say "No" and try and make an excuse (unless he has deleted everything off his phone). Then you can ask him what he has to hide on his phone if he won't let you touch it. This will give him the opportunity to confess himself. If he does not then you can decide to accept that he is hiding something from you or confront him and tell him exactly what you have seen and from who.

upsetonerightnow

I hope you get some answers hun, I've been single just over a week because of confronting my lying fiancee.

It's hard isn't it, I've not really ate much since not this saturday the one before I've lost over a stone in weight.

I hope your ok.

Which area do you live?

XXXX

CarliJ

Im going home at 5 to confront him, so i will keep you posted, and no upsetone, i havent eaten much since i saw the text friday, i cant even think about food. I live in the hampshire area, pm me as i think his family are members on here and i dont want them to know its us really.

liz_uk

I have to tell you, about 4 months ago, my boyfriend was doing the exact same thing..

I asked to borrow his phone, and I was speaking to my mum, I walked into the lounge, he then appeared 2 seconds later. I then walked into the hall, he was again hovering behind me. So I pretended the signal was rubbish and went upstairs, put my mum on loudspeaker and flicked through his texts.

There was a couple from his best mate, my partner and him had been talking about this woman who my partner wanted to `do`..

Needless to say, a minute or so later, footsteps came up the stairs, and whilst on the phone to my mum, asked my partner what he wanted, he said `my phone`, .. I asked him `Aren`t I allowed to talk now` , to which he replied he urgently needed to ring HIS mum.

Knowing fine well why he wanted his phone so badly, I said Bye to mum, then threw the phone at him.

A screaming match later, turns out it was `blokes banter`... I trust him 100%, but have warned him if EVER he cheats on me.. He had better sleep with one eye open and hide the corkscrews !!

richardw

CarliJ wrote: »

i found a text from one of his work collegues saying this: Ive been thinking and when we all go out together (his work collegues all go out quite alot) and that the thing we do when we are together you an me, we shouldnt do anymore as its doing my head in......................... (she is a married woman with children and is about 8 years older than him I think)

You need to find out what has been going on really.