Advice on maybe cheating other half

DoubtfulTom

All lies in my opinion.
If the text was a mistake, there would have been a follow up text telling him to ignore text just sent.

Anger at looking at texts, hiding phone (despite excuse), lack of follow up text all point to one thing.

Sorry.

lynzpower

I also personally would think he is lying too im afraid.

It just doenst stack up, why kick off? My OH wouldnt bat an eyelid if I went through his phone ( i often use his free mins, or play games n his phone they are better than mine) and he would never mind, certainly never get angry- because he has nothing to hide.

Pssst

feelinggood wrote: »

I don't think it needs to be a game.

Carli confronted him, he gave her an explanation. She can believe it, and carry on with a normal relationship, or she can doubt it.

If he is lying, it'll be discovered eventually, without any need for snooping, playing games etc.

If he isn't lying, any 'detective work' is likely to harm the relationship further.

It is an unspoken,covert,often unintentional psychological game which may ultimately lead to some version of the truth.

richardw

CarliJ wrote: »

he went all angry at me

Is this what you expected, is it what he would normally do?

How does it compare with other angry situations?

How does it compare with any other invasion of privacy situations, if any, that may not have resulted in anger?

allIcouldwishfor

CarliJ wrote: »

.... I have already said to him that i wont be looking on his phone any longer, to which he replied that he wouldnt mind if i did as he has nothing to hide......

Of course he doesn't mind you looking at his phone. Why would he? He doesn't have anything to hide - not now this woman has called it off!

Carli, only you will know whether you can trust him and I think that's an instinctive thing that you can't always rationalise. I would suggest you both take some time to focus on your relationship and make time to talk as a couple on a regular basis.

Valli

My ex thought I was cheating - I wasn't. I used to leave my mobile out for him after the day I got interrogated as to where my mobile phone had been - that's when I realised he was checking it.
But I could not cope with the constant suspicion - the being timed on every errand (even when the kids were with me) - I wouldn't even answer the house phone when he was in so that he could see who it was. He made life hell with his constant doubts. And now we're divorced.

JoJoB

Carli, really hope that he is telling the truth, only you can know for sure if the matter is over with. But his excuses do sound convenient, and the explanation not very plausible to outsiders at least.

I guess the questions to ask yourself are whether your relationship has been different lately, has he exhibited any other suspicious behaviour aside from the phone being carried everywhere. Has he been a bit distant/working late/had appointments or meetings or work dos where he could have been somewhere else etc? Has he been critical of your sex life in any way or do you feel you have grown apart a bit? Been taking extra care in his appearance?

If anything is still niggling at you then there may be more to this. It may be that something went on but this has jolted him out of the madness and he's realised the damage he could do and has decided to stop. It's up to you whether this scenario is good enough really or if the doubts are going to undermine what you have together.

Smashing

Get him on Jeremy Kyle for a lie detector test.

Nikabella

JoJoB wrote: »

I agree! You quoted someone's opinions and put my name to them tho, making me look like I was having a go at the OP. I fully support the OP's actions in this situation!

And yes, far too many man-haters on here. Cheating is not a man-thing, plenty of women do it too. I did it, during a disgraceful episode in my life, when I was unhappy for various reasons in my relationship and was doing lots of drugs, and going through the stress of bankruptcy. It was a mini-breakdown really. I would never ever do it again having seen the pain and devastation it causes, and me and OH had to work damn hard together to build something good and new out of the wreckage.

Some people, deep down, have self-esteem issues which mean they will always the thrill of sex to make them feel good about themselves. These are the poeple who IMO will be cheaters for life, or at least until they have some sort of "lightbulb" moment. Then there are those who are having some sort of crisis and seeking escape as a response to problems in their marriage/partnership. It's up to the OP to figure out which group her partner belongs to and if the problems involved can be sorted out. It takes a huge amount of will to even think about forgiving this sort of thing though, particularly if the culprit hasn't come clean by himself but been discovered.

JoJoB I'm soooo sorry!! My quote was supposed to be of Prowla but when I clicked quote it brought up the wrong text so I deleted the text & pasted in the correct one but I didn't realise that it wouldn't say the right person (eg Prowla's) name!!!!

So to anyone reading it, I was not suggesting that JoJoB was having a go at the OP, I was meant to be talking about Prowla!

To the OP, however, I'm afraid I think your OH is most probably lying. I have heard these excuses before & the most telling reaction of a guilty person is to get angry & try & blame you for invading their privacy. If someone had sent me that text by accident I would have replied saying "I think you have sent that to the wrong person" to which she would have replied by saying "OMG I'm really sorry, it was meant for someone else, please could you keep this quiet!" Or the such. Personally I would confront the woman but I'm not suggesting that's the route for you. As others have pointed out, the trouble is once you have confronted a cheater they tend to get better at lying/covering their tracks which is why I would have gone down the controversial route of gathering more evidence.

If his explanation is enough for you then I wish she well & I hope your relationship returns to a secure, healthy, loving one.

A.x

*Louise*

Carli - it's up to you whether you believe his explanation or not, although I'm inclined to agree with everyone else on here.

People can come up with many explanations when they are caught out, I would need some sort of proof I'm afraid.

What would he say if you said you wanted to speak to/text the woman? (even if you just said it to gauge his reaction) That would be a good indication of whether he was guilty or not.