Shocked - Meeting at School

minimoneysaver

It amazes me how often the word BULLYING is misused. There is a huge difference between bullying and children falling out. Bullying generally means an overbearing person who habitually badgers and intimidates smaller or weaker people. Children fall out on the playground, but one annoying episode with another child does not equate to bullying.

Stephb1986_2

peachyprice wrote: »

Which is why it has been suggested that the OP seeks help from professionals.

But you think that's ridiculous

To ask for professional help like councelling is a bit much at this stage I think, it has happened once that he has hit another child. If the OP asks her son why he did it maybe she will get an answer.

He put her in hospital makes it sound like he left her half dead not a few bruises!! :rolleyes:

Stephb1986_2

pink_princess wrote: »

You ve clearly had an awful time at the hands of bullies,and you have my sympathy for that,but you say nobody stopped to ask why in your case.

The teacher saw what they wanted to not that the other kids were teasing me to make me react. The only saw me reacting. I am not a violent adult in the slightest I know how to behave, I still now get people coming up to me from school saying "do you remember this that and the other" It was like how many years ago was that!

What I'm saying is the OP's son might of been teased by this girl and this is how he reacted. It's a few bruises they aren't exactly life threatening is all I'm saying.

SugarSpun

Counselling isn't the same thing as going to a psychiatrist. It's a calming measure, but it's good from the perspectives that it gives the kid certain knowledge that people are listening to him and taking him seriously, and also that the school can see that it's being taken seriously. Some schools will exclude a child based on one violent episode. Mine did.

It certainly won't do the kid any harm. Any violent episode is cause for concern. Why wait for the kid to do it again before doing something about it, when doing something now will reinforce that hitting another kid is not acceptable behaviour?

@ everyone (nonspecific musing): I've never understood why people are so resistant to counselling. It's designed to be helpful to everyone who has it, and it really is. Counselling for children can be incredibly beneficial, even if the kid's an older sibling who feels left out when a new baby arrives or if a kid's trying to cope with changing schools. It's not just for serious intervention.

minimoneysaver

I totally agree with you Sugar, why wait? What exactely would the other posters be waiting for? A qualified counsellor can help find out what the little boy is going through and decide if their are more serious underlaying issues that need to be addressed.

peachyprice

Stephb1986 wrote: »

To ask for professional help like councelling is a bit much at this stage I think, it has happened once that he has hit another child. If the OP asks her son why he did it maybe she will get an answer.

He put her in hospital makes it sound like he left her half dead not a few bruises!! :rolleyes:

Counselling isn't just about why his did what he did, it's about his overall wellbeing. There may be things he would discuss with a counsellor that he wouldn't necessarily with a parent.

It could get to the bottom of why he craves attention, not necessarily positive attention, it could get to the bottom of any 'bullying' that may or may not be going on.

It could help him deal with the feelings of remorse he's having now and turing them into something positive to work on, not something negative that can spiral into him believing his is a 'bad' child.

Talking never hurts anyone, bottling up feeling you don't understand does.

poet123

Sorry,I disagree,counselling is not the panacea for all ills the last few posters seem to believe. It does, of course,have its place,but that place is not to counsel 7 year olds who fight in the playground. Counselling can cause harm,I have seen it,children referred for counselling take away the impression that they need that service for really serious reasons,they see their behaviour as odd,different,weird. When the reality is, that in most cases,parents and schools can resolve the issues without resorting to such intervention at such a young age.

Counselling is a relatively new phenomonen,and not all situations need it,but it is a buzz word that people latch onto as the cure for all. This is serious incident,but a common childhood occurance,schools/parents have been dealing with such issues since time began,let them get on with it

Marcheline

Very well said poet

Gingham_Ribbon

I agree with Poet. I don't believe counselling is suitable for children unless there are SERIOUS and sustained problems. I remember a friend saying he never got over being sent to counselling by his parents at 4 years old. He always felt he was different as a result.

tamlem

Personally, when I suggested approaching a GP and seeing what services are available I didnt mean counselling for the child.

Its so common these days for people to want children at very young ages to directly address their issues alone, ie. counselling, anger management etc and this completely ignores the fact that the majority of problems are caused by parenting techniques or issues within family life. Its usually the parents that need the help to identify what might be going on and address it in the way they manage and relate to their offspring- not the kids!

In saying this i am not suggesting that the Op is a bad parent, far from it. Sometimes its very easy to be handling things in the home or with children in a particular way without seeing that its feeding into a certain pattern of behaviour. If more parents would ask for and accept help with their parenting skills there would be far fewer social problems.

It might also be that there are attention issues for the child concerned, as the OP mentioned herself. I noticed in a previous post that the OP works very long hours and has a 4 hour commute to work. Of course this doesnt automatically mean that things are going wrong so please dont take this as a bashing for working mothers (I am one myself!) but it must make it harder to give positive attention and reinforcement. Or maybe this is not relevant, I dont know the family situation so am only making suggestions:o

I still applaud the OP for seeking to do the right thing and certainly hope she isnt too traumatised by the negativity on this forum (all opinions valid of course!). I wish her and her family well.