Shocked - Meeting at School

SugarSpun

Stephb1986 wrote: »

It's not like he's John Venables or Robert Thompson is it!

...

Something this serious??? He's only bruised her! If he had broken her nose then yeah fair enough but it's not exactly life threatening is it!

You'd be astonished at the number of people convicted of violent crimes who have similar episodes in their childhood. Seriously. It's not a 1:1 correlation, but it's overwhelming enough that I get chills reading some of the case notes of our small patients and wondering what they'll say in twenty years. The age of three or four till about eight is when kids learn the moral code that lasts them the rest of their lives.

Far better to stage a small intervention now than to have to deal with something worse later on - especially when simple counselling could completely remove the need for adult intervention.

It sounds like this kid is genuinely upset at having lost control - but he could be upset at having got into trouble. It's hard to tell, even when you're faced with the kid. Either way, I think that a suitable punishment and constructive counselling so he doesn't find himself forming a pattern would be good for him, but my opinion's worth precisely what you paid for it.

marty1888

Stephb1986 wrote: »

It has been said that she was annoying him when it was obvious he was having a bad day already. Just because it's a girl doesn't make any difference. I think this girl did it on purpose to make him hit her because she had already seen he was having a bad day. !

are you for real? Imagine that these werent 7 years old but were adults (in a relationship if you like) and then read your post back.

jamsandwhich

pink_princess wrote: »

I can t see any evidence of the alledged bullying.Bullying is constant ,increasing abuse of some kind that is carried out over a period of time.I think you need to stick to facts to try and help your son.The fact he can t /couldn t control himself is the main issue.Could you speak to the school and gp for advice on helping him with this.
He also seems to have underlaying issues with behaviour,this could well be about to start spirralling out of control.You need to get tough op ,he needs consistant boundaries.Also a solid routine for at home,consistant bedtime,bathtimes etc.This can help with childrens security as alot of times these behaviours are linked to this.
I wish you and your son a lot of luck op,I pray its a one off occourance and you ll be fine.

Unless you are the one being bullied or know this child personally I doubt you would and to make this statement based on one post is daft. IF the child is being bullied - and he could have been being bullied since the start of school - it could be part of his behavioural problems but needs sorting out after this incident is dealt with.

I was bullied all through high school by a group of girls, none of the teachers wanted to know and my parents taught me to rise above it and not be violent back. At 15 years old I got sick of it and took the whole gang on in the girls loo's - I won't go into details but I came off best and they were bruised and battered, doesn't make me proud and I wouldn't recommend it but it dealt with a situation that could have been dealt with sooner. It was constant for five years and most people didn't know or want to know, I had a good group of friends who helped me.

The school would have been behaving improperly had they not sent her to hospital to be checked out but sometimes you need a few days for the true facts to come out!! Just a random thought to add fuel to the fire but it could be the girl who has been bullying him and he is embarassed to admit it? What I am trying to say is that no-one truely knows what is going on - especially in a child's mind.

Damzel_In_Distress

Stephb1986 wrote: »

It's not like he's John Venables or Robert Thompson is it!

This other kid played a part in it too by hitting him back. It has been said that she was annoying him when it was obvious he was having a bad day already. Just because it's a girl doesn't make any difference. I think this girl did it on purpose to make him hit her because she had already seen he was having a bad day.

Something this serious??? He's only bruised her! If he had broken her nose then yeah fair enough but it's not exactly life threatening is it!

Some kids need more attention than others and that is one way of getting it even though its the wrong way to go about things he just needs to learn how to get attention in a good way.

Perhaps let him join scouts to make some friends? Does he have any really good friends in school that he can play with that you could invite back for tea?

Maybe have a word with a teacher that knows your son and ask them what they think of the situation and if he needs help or not.

I think that punishment in schools is ridiculous now and I think people overreact to two kids fighting.

Back in the 60's they would of both got the cane and sent home!

It's not serious at all it's not like he went on a mad rampage hitting every kid in the school!

You are delusional!! :rolleyes:
Lets hope you never have a daughter this happens to eh? ...Or a child with problems in their behaviour like the OP's..God only knows how some people come up with this stuff.
As a parent myself i can understand the need and want to think the best of your child at all times,but there is also the need to admitt when there is something wrong.
All these people who go "but but but" ...or "hes only this age"...Well thats just excuse making-Its no wonder there is so many young children and teens committing crimes so often these days with people around who are willing to make excuses for there every wrong move.

If my child ever does something like this-or god forbid worse.Id be taking him to the police station myself.

SandC

Exactly Damsel.

What if the shoe was on the other foot and the son had been hit and kicked and sent to hospital to be checked out? Would it still be a case of 'oh one of those things' or would it indeed require full investigation by the school and a meeting with the parents?

The OP is fortunate that it appears the girls parents' are happy to let the school deal with it as they see fit and not taking the matter further themselves at this time.

pink_princess

jamsandwhich wrote: »

Unless you are the one being bullied or know this child personally I doubt you would and to make this statement based on one post is daft. IF the child is being bullied - and he could have been being bullied since the start of school - it could be part of his behavioural problems but needs sorting out after this incident is dealt with.

I was bullied all through school by a group of girls, none of the teachers wanted to know and my parents taught me to rise above it and not be violent back. At 15 years old I got sick of it and took the whole gang on in the girls loo's - I won't go into details but I came off best and they were bruised and battered, doesn't make me proud and I wouldn't recommend it but it dealt with a situation that could have been dealt with sooner.

The school would have been behaving improperly had they not sent her to hospital to be checked out but sometimes you need a few days for the true facts to come out!! Just a random thought to add fuel to the fire but it could be the girl who has been bullying him and he is embarassed to admit it? What I am trying to say is that no-one truely knows what is going on - especially in a child's mind.

Hows is it daft,I never said he wasn t ,i said i see no evidence of. And we all judge one post thats an internet forum.
People are to quick to look for outs when things like this happen.Thats why the op will have to wait and judge wether her son is a victim of bullying,but name calling in a one off event ,is not.

jamsandwhich

pink_princess wrote: »

Hows is it daft,I never said he wasn t ,i said i see no evidence of. And we all judge one post thats an internet forum.
People are to quick to look for outs when things like this happen.Thats why the op will have to wait and judge wether her son is a victim of bullying,but name calling in a one off event ,is not.

He could very well be being bullied and it could be a contributing factor to his behaviour in general - I wouldn't dismiss it so easily, he could also be telling porkies to get himself out of trouble!!:D I don't envy the op but find things like this interesting as I need the hindsight of other peoples experiences when I have to deal with my two growing up!!

Soz - didn't mean to sound harsh!!

Damzel_In_Distress

jamsandwhich wrote: »

He could very well be being bullied and it could be a contributing factor to his behaviour in general - I wouldn't dismiss it so easily, he could also be telling porkies to get himself out of trouble!!:D I don't envy the op but find things like this interesting as I need the hindsight of other peoples experiences when I have to deal with my two growing up!!

Soz - didn't mean to sound harsh!!

BUT the OP clearly said he behaved like this before he started school-then got worse because he didnt like sharing the attention.

So its a bit late to start blaming bullies now isnt it? What was his excuse before?!

Gingham_Ribbon

It would be helpful if people stuck to giving the OP advice rather than accusing her of making excuses for her son, deciding whether or not he was bullied in the first place and whether or not a little girl being hospitalised is a 'big deal'.

It's a huge and worrying situation. The OP sounds like she's trying to understand how it could happen and why she didn't see it coming rather than attempting to excuse his behaviour. It's frankly ridiculous to play the incident down or make the girl shoulder any responsibility for hitting him back and it's pointless to speculate over whether or not he's being bullied.

To the OP, the most sensible thing I can suggest is that you consider whether your son could have problems you are not aware of, whether he ever witnesses violence (either real or on tv/video games) and how he fits in in the family (ie does he feel loved and important/does he have clear rules with fair, consistent discipline?)

Then I'd be asking for advice from professionals, eg GP, the headmistress, the health visitor. If this happens again you have a serious problem on your hands so I hope you get the right help soon.

pink_princess

People were giving advice
You clearly think that the bullying aspect of this has no bearing but I and others think it has.If this young boy is lead to believe that it in any ways excuses his behaviour it will be detrimental to him.
Everything i ve said is what i believe and was said with the best of intentions to help the op.:D
I agree with the rest of your post gingham ribbon.