Shocked - Meeting at School

Susan_Frost

I cannot believe some of the posts making excuses for this boy.

StephiB1986 are you for real ?

"She played a part by hitting him back" how can you say that. What is she to do. Stand and take it. Typical battered wife speak. I'm glad she hit him back and if any partner hits her in later life I hope she takes the poker to him.

Only a few bruises indeed - are you completely mad.

If some man did this to you, would that be ok ? If so, please get help.

When my son was 8 he bowled out a friend at school when playing cricket. Typical of the boy, he would not be out. All the kids started to shout out, out. He walked off, hit my son across his hip with the bat (massive bruising). My son pushed him to the floor and as he jumped back up he bit my son on the soft underside of his arm. Full set of bloody teeth marks. I was nearly sick when I saw it all.

But OP is talking like the mother of this boy, who was a sort of friend of mine.

Cannot understand why he did it
He cannot have been out cos he would not cheat
He is not watching James Bond tonight as punishment (Child pipped up - but mum is taping it for me)
What did Dad say when you told him - Mother said "He doesn't need to know"

After a couple of days of this, I went to see the Head. I had been happy to leave it in his hands. Just start to distance myself from this mum.

The Head said he was livid. He had had mum and child in his office and told them both exactly what he thought of them. "She is under no illusions of what I think of them".

After yet another excuse from the boy (unsolicited by me) I just said to him, in front of his mother, that I was glad he did it to mine and not the other way around because I could not have lived with the shame.

They left the area a year or so later, so I dont know how he grew up. But mum was always making excuses for him, so I doubt it would have changed.

I feel sick now, thinking about that bite. The padding they put on was bloodstained.

Sorry, I am rambling now.

Gingham_Ribbon

pink_princess wrote: »

People were giving advice
You clearly think that the bullying aspect of this has no bearing but I and others think it has.If this young boy is lead to believe that it in any ways excuses his behaviour it will be detrimental to him.
Everything i ve said is what i believe and was said with the best of intentions to help the op.:D
I agree with the rest of your post gingham ribbon.

No. I agree with you. But we don't know whether he's telling the truth or not so there's no point in us speculating. That's up to his mum to establish.

Also, some people are giving sound advice. Others are just ranting. In my opinion.

pink_princess

Agreed GR

Stephb1986_2

I have been where that child is so I know how it feels. With a load of people like you lot condeming him to end up being a "wife beater" or some sort of teenager that goes on to commit crime thats nice isn't it. What happend to being innocent till proven guilty? He might well of being bullied you don't know that and neither do I.

I did a hell of alot worse than hit a girl I can tell you. But no one actually stopped to think WHY! They all just thought I was a bad egg and decided that they would make me an example. I tried being a "good" Kid but it's hard when every adult decided that I wasn't, When I played with my school "friends" we use to play "Tag" as soon as we started playing and the teachers saw me running after another child they automatically thought I was doing something bad. I got alsorts of punishments from school. I only acted like it in school never at home.

I had other kids teasing me about different things but the slightest thing I did and I got punished for it. Now you tell me that is fair.

Look at it from the kids point of view for 1 minute and tell me that he's just a bad egg like I was. He wants attention from anyone who will show it to him good or bad. It seems to me that he might not be able to think of the words to say that he wants attention and because he is frustrated he lashed out.

Reggie_Rebel

Without wanting to have a pop at anyone, and knowing that some will shoot this down, the OP says that both her and dad were called out from work.

The lad is seven and bigger boys are mentioned so I'm assuming he's year 3, first year of junior school possibly.

What are the arrangements for pre and post school childcare? Possibly he is being left with a child minder early doors and collect by a parent after 6.00 pm, after a full day school he will be tired and perhaps go home, have some tea, a bath and bed with little parental contact.

It could be a family lifestyle issue is contributing to his behaviour

galvanizersbaby

Reggie_Rebel wrote: »

Without wanting to have a pop at anyone, and knowing that some will shoot this down, the OP says that both her and dad were called out from work.

The lad is seven and bigger boys are mentioned so I'm assuming he's year 3, first year of junior school possibly.

What are the arrangements for pre and post school childcare? Possibly he is being left with a child minder early doors and collect by a parent after 6.00 pm, after a full day school he will be tired and perhaps go home, have some tea, a bath and bed with little parental contact.

It could be a family lifestyle issue is contributing to his behaviour

Hmmmnn - maybe but my son of a similar age is collected from afterschool club each day after a full day at school and he isn't kicking the doodas out of his fellow schoolmates :rolleyes:

pink_princess

Stephb
I don t think any-one is belittling bullying here.Just that as the op said,it is not the main issue.(at present)
You ve clearly had an awful time at the hands of bullies,and you have my sympathy for that,but you say nobody stopped to ask why in your case.This mum is stopping to ask why and we (i) are (am) trying to advice.
As a proffesional came on earlier and posted it can spirall,this needs further investagation,thats evident.
I don t think alot of people are condeming this little boy just trying to help the op see different opinions on the issue.

poet123

Most schools willl seek medical advice in such cases to cover themselves,the injuries do not have to be severe for this to happen. I think the words "sent to hospital" may be misleading and possibly an exaggeration of the extent of the injuries.

At this age children fight,gender is irrelevant to them,so to tar the child with the same intent as a wife beater, is to misunderstand the development of children of that age.

The OP seemed to me to be looking at all angles,not necessarily making excuses for her child. In my experience it is the parents who react loudest to this sort of incident with others, who react least when their own child is involved. Those who are most judgemental are the ones who look for excuses for their own children.

Yes,he was very wrong,yes,he should be punished,yes,he needs to reflect deeply on his actions,yes,he should apologise and mean it,yes,he needs monitoring.

No,imo he does not need counselling,No, he does not need removing from the school,no,this incident is not indicative of a propensity to violence which will escalate and mean he is a canddiate for heinous crimes.

A sense of proportion is needed,and the ability to see past the "crime" and find a way forward for both parties.

SugarSpun

Stephb1986 wrote: »

I have been where that child is so I know how it feels. With a load of people like you lot condeming him to end up being a "wife beater" or some sort of teenager that goes on to commit crime thats nice isn't it. What happend to being innocent till proven guilty?

He is guilty. He put a little girl in the hospital. My point is not that he is inevitably going to become someone who beats his wife or ends up in prison, but that counselling now will significantly lessen the likelihood of it happening. And considering the number of children who are violent who go on to be violent adults, counselling is a sensible precaution.

Your situation is not the same as this child's, and you seem to be making excuses for his behaviour because you don't want to feel like people would condemn yours. Most people are simply aiming at making sure the damage to both kids is minimised in the wake of what happened.

peachyprice

Stephb1986 wrote: »

I have been where that child is so I know how it feels. With a load of people like you lot condeming him to end up being a "wife beater" or some sort of teenager that goes on to commit crime thats nice isn't it. What happend to being innocent till proven guilty? He might well of being bullied you don't know that and neither do I.

I did a hell of alot worse than hit a girl I can tell you. But no one actually stopped to think WHY! They all just thought I was a bad egg and decided that they would make me an example. I tried being a "good" Kid but it's hard when every adult decided that I wasn't, When I played with my school "friends" we use to play "Tag" as soon as we started playing and the teachers saw me running after another child they automatically thought I was doing something bad. I got alsorts of punishments from school. I only acted like it in school never at home.

Which is why it has been suggested that the OP seeks help from professionals.

But you think that's ridiculous

Stephb1986 Damzel I think your going a bit OTT he's only 7 still a child!! If he was 13-14-15 then fair enough. But kids are kids and are going to get into fights and scuffles are you telling me that you never got into a fight at school or seen lads fighting?

It sounds like it might be a one off incident and it sounds like he's sorry. Maybe a suitable punishment of not being allowed on a games console or something that he enjoys. But councelling for a 7 year old thats just madness!! He's 7!!