Shocked - Meeting at School

SandC

That's kinda what I was thinking, when did we start making excuses for bad behaviour? When did we start thinking that the school are not dealing with things appropriately? If there was bullying involved, then let them deal with that. We need to keep reiterating to kids that two wrongs don't make a right, that hitting is wrong in any circumstances and that we will be disappointed and ashamed if they ever hurt someone else. Let others deal with the other kids who don't follow the same rules (as the little girl's parents appear to be doing in this instance when they could quite feasibly be knocking on the OP's door or sending the police round).

Stephb1986_2

Damzel I think your going a bit OTT he's only 7 still a child!! If he was 13-14-15 then fair enough. But kids are kids and are going to get into fights and scuffles are you telling me that you never got into a fight at school or seen lads fighting?

It sounds like it might be a one off incident and it sounds like he's sorry. Maybe a suitable punishment of not being allowed on a games console or something that he enjoys. But councelling for a 7 year old thats just madness!! He's 7!!

To the OP you haven't let him down hun kids are kids and will get into fights from time to time the fact that it was a girl he ended up hitting is irellevant. He is 7 years old! maybe if he was older and still getting into trouble then yeah maybe get him some help. How is he with school work?

She also hit him back so its not like he was like a mad man! Behave!

It was a few bruises it's not like he's broken ribs or a nose is it!

Damzel_In_Distress

Stephb1986 wrote: »

Damzel I think your going a bit OTT he's only 8 still a child!! If he was 13-14-15 then fair enough. But kids are kids and are going to get into fights and scuffles are you telling me that you never got into a fight at school or seen lads fighting?

It sounds like it might be a one off incident and it sounds like he's sorry. Maybe a suitable punishment of not being allowed on a games console or something that he enjoys. But councelling for a 8 year old thats just madness!! He's 8!! !

Are you kidding? Kids are kids? Yes of course they are-but at that age they know right from wrong which is why they can even be put in prison in some cases! If a child of that age did something more serious (which this sort of behaviour could easily lead to!) would you say "kids are kids" ? :rolleyes:
You think taking a way a games console is suitable punishment for something this serious? ---Yes you must be right,why didnt they think of that in all the cases where children have been sent to detention centers instead of sending them there they could of just took away the PS3!! :rolleyes:

And how does it sound like a "one off" when the OP has admitted her child has problems with his behaviour ? ...

If her child would of done this in a few months,the little girls parents could of actually pressed charges-that is how serious it is.Dont you see that?

marty1888

Stephb1986 wrote: »

he's only 7 still a child!!

And that makes it ok? Because thats what the original poster is hinting at.

pink_princess

I can t see any evidence of the alledged bullying.Bullying is constant ,increasing abuse of some kind that is carried out over a period of time.I think you need to stick to facts to try and help your son.The fact he can t /couldn t control himself is the main issue.Could you speak to the school and gp for advice on helping him with this.
He also seems to have underlaying issues with behaviour,this could well be about to start spirralling out of control.You need to get tough op ,he needs consistant boundaries.Also a solid routine for at home,consistant bedtime,bathtimes etc.This can help with childrens security as alot of times these behaviours are linked to this.
I wish you and your son a lot of luck op,I pray its a one off occourance and you ll be fine.

SugarSpun

Stephb1986 wrote: »

But councelling for a 7 year old thats just madness!! He's 7!!

...

It was a few bruises it's not like he's broken ribs or a nose is it!

I work in a psych unit, and we have a specific child clinic which is heavily oversubscribed with a waiting list. Many of the children are victims of trauma or abuse, but we also have a lot of kids with anger management problems.

My first reaction would be to recommend counselling - partly because the child clearly needs some guidance in controlling his temper, but also because it could help him not be excluded from school as a result of the incident. One child hospitalising another isn't a minor incident, even if what actually happened isn't completely clear (because children are normally rubbish witnesses and each one has a tale to tell).

I'd also add that one of the major hurdles in talking with children with anger management problems is having to have the parents in the room. They're almost invariably disruptive because they don't like that the counsellor or therapist doesn't see the same angelic child that the parents see. It's horrifying to think that your own kid's done something awful, and it's tempting to look for reasons outside "the kid did a bad thing" to make the awful thing easier for the parents to process. Sometimes, though, good kids do bad things, and bad kids put on a good show. It's hard for someone as close as a parent to be objective.

OP, take the kid to the GP, ask for a referral for counselling to help him deal with his anger as well as the upset caused by the incident, and work with the school even when they say things you don't like about the kid. Above all, don't let the kid hear you being anything other than completely behind the school's decisions. He needs to respect their authority and yourse, and a united front will help him far more than the confusion of him thinking, The school think I need to be suspended but Mum doesn't agree, so they must be wrong and I don't need to take them seriously in future.

Good luck. It sounds like a horrible situation all around.

Stephb1986_2

It's not like he's John Venables or Robert Thompson is it!

This other kid played a part in it too by hitting him back. It has been said that she was annoying him when it was obvious he was having a bad day already. Just because it's a girl doesn't make any difference. I think this girl did it on purpose to make him hit her because she had already seen he was having a bad day.

Something this serious??? He's only bruised her! If he had broken her nose then yeah fair enough but it's not exactly life threatening is it!

Some kids need more attention than others and that is one way of getting it even though its the wrong way to go about things he just needs to learn how to get attention in a good way.

Perhaps let him join scouts to make some friends? Does he have any really good friends in school that he can play with that you could invite back for tea?

Maybe have a word with a teacher that knows your son and ask them what they think of the situation and if he needs help or not.

I think that punishment in schools is ridiculous now and I think people overreact to two kids fighting.

Back in the 60's they would of both got the cane and sent home!

It's not serious at all it's not like he went on a mad rampage hitting every kid in the school!

av_raje

If it was me, I will first look at the girl's condition to see if it is light bruises or not so?

If it is light bruising, then I will pull him aside and talk the strictest talk and give him punishment (ban TV/games and treats for a month). I will make him write a letter of apology to the girl's family. I will keep an eye on his behaviour from them on. I will also check out the bullying that he claims and do the needy.

If it was bad bruising indicating that he can be quite violent, then I'll do the above and consider counselling, anger management, GP visit etc.

SandC

If the little girl had to go to hospital then in my eyes that is deemed serious and the school has to at the very least have a meeting with the parents. We are forgetting that is the only thing that is happening with this at the moment so to me it appears the school is treating it quite appropriately.

pink_princess

:j Great post sugar spun:j