Shocked - Meeting at School

AnnieM_3

Hi - didn't want to read and run.

I'm sorry to hear about what happened - it must have been awful. I'm glad you're taking it seriously. Even if he was being bullied by the other children, he needs to learn - and fast - that he must never do that sort of thing again.

Maybe it would be good for your little boy to apologise to the girl. Perhaps he could write her a letter, and the teacher could pass it to her parents, or to her. I would discuss it with the teacher rather than approaching the parents (or the girl, obviously).

Perhaps your son would benefit from getting involved in something 'character-building' - Cubs or Judo perhaps? Something that would maybe help with his attention issues, and might help him focus (and help with his confidence if he is being bullied)

Hope you get things sorted!

AnnieM x

maryotuam

I think finding a good counsellor is important. Both you and your son need support in analysing what has gone wrong and how to deal with it from here. It might even be worth changing schools so he can have a fresh start if this has been a one off that he has learnt from. Remember to praise him for good behaviour (so he knows he hasn't been hung drawn and quartered and you believe in his ability to grow into a fine young man).

Have you heard of the self fulfilling prophesy? If someone believes they are good they will be good. If they believe they are bad they will be bad. Tell him you KNOW that he will learn from this and will NEVER lose his temper like that again.

His general naughtiness means something is not right in his life and you need to work out yourself with support what is wrong.

Good Luck
ps I used to teach and I never came across bad kids only troubled ones who sometimes behaved badly.

tamlem

Firstly can I say that I think the fact that you are taking this so seriously and wanting to handle it in the appropriate manner is the best thing for your son and indicative of what a good mum you must be.

Regarding this happening out of the blue. You say your child can be cheeky, disobedient etc. This kind of behaviour does tend to progress and so this outburst could be the first indication of his behaviour progressing to violence.Whilst I do agree that no children are perfect and they all have their moments I believe this incident goes well beyond that.

I think in the context of what has happened you should disregard the alleged bullying. My 4 children have been brought up to know that violence is totally unacceptable and inexcusable, they have certainly had their fair share of bullying but never laid a finger on another child. They dont even fight with each other. Of course if your son is being bullied then that is a separate issue but in focusing on it now you are excusing what he has done and what he has done is inexcusable. If he hears you addressing it or using it as a justification for what happened (I appreciate that it is not that clear cut, but in a childs mind..) you give him the message that if people are unkind or anyone annoys you then the solution is to batter them. That is the bottom line.

If I were you I would seek the help of your GP in the first incidence, find out if there are parenting skills groups or professionals you can access to help you look at the way he behaves, how that can be linked to aspects of your parenting, his environment and how you address these issues before they progress further. I've seen lots of kids problems and bad behaviour progress and escalate as they go through school, BUT for the majority their parents couldn't have cared less. You clearly do and that is why i am sure your son will be fine and that this can be sorted out. Parenting is hard but accepting that things arent going great and asking for help to change them is a huge step. I wish you lots of luck.

Nicki

I agree with those who have said it is too early to approach the other child's mother. My DD was assaulted by another child at school last year, not so badly that she had to go to hospital, but she did have some visible injuries (black eye and cuts and bruises). She and the other child were both 7 at the time and both had special needs. I'm usually very sympathetic to the needs of any child with special needs and quite tolerant of even extreme behaviours but I was livid! I would not have responded at all well to an approach from the child or his mother in the immediate aftermath, though I will speak to them now quite civilly.

I would perhaps send a message via the school that you and your son are both extremely sorry about what happened, and if they would like to speak to you about what happened, and how you are handling things with your child, then you are very happy to do so, and then leave it at that. If they get in touch, well and good, but I wouldn't make direct contact myself.

Susan_Frost

What does your son's father say about all this?

Are you able to work on it together, as a united front?

Hope you get some support and manage to work through it all ok.

leiela

Trust me this is bieng taken VERY seriously, although i rationally understand what happened, and the series of events that led upto an outburst.

I'm treating them at two very seperate incidents, im going to be in touch with the school about the bullying. however as far as HE'S concerned the bulling is no excuse and i've made that VERY VERY clear.

Tbh i think the "going to hospital thing" was the schools over-reaction, having spoken to a teacher in the last few hour's .. it seems he hit her, she hit him back and HE fell over, so from the floor he kicked her repeatedly in the legs. So other than some brusing the legs she's fine and just recovering from the shock of it all. Having been given the details it doens't sound as bad as i imagined when i heard she'd been taken to hospital.

My Son is being kept after school, a sort of detention tommorrow for an extra hour till 4pm, to write a letter to the little girl and to talk with his teacher about the incident. When i pick him up ill talk to the teacher and see what he thinks we should do from here regarding the future, the girl and of course the bullying.

i'm always very careful not to call "him naughtie" because as people have said, i belive that if you make a child think they are bad then they given up on themselves and accept that they are bad. I've told him that the thing's that he did were wrong and that im upset that he did them and hope that he realises how much he's let himself down.

However when all is said and done violence is NOT CONDONED in my house and it has been made very clear how disappointed and upset i am with what he's done as well and he knows that there are consequences to that.

It's funny you spend half your life telling children that violence is never the answer, i've never lifted a finger to either of my boys and yet somehow this happened.

I just feel mentally drained, he is a good kid and somehow i feel like perhaps i let him down.

poet123

It is a really hard job being a good parent,and there are days when you cannot believe your child has listened to a word you say,nor heeded your example. You are doing all the right things and he will come to realise that he is very lucky to have such a good mum. Chin up, and you, and he, will come through this learning curve.

I am sure you will deal with this incident in the correct way,indeed by your acceptance that he is completely in the wrong and that there are no excuses,you are already ahead of most parents who believe their kids never do any wrong.

Good luck.

poe.tuesday

personally if I was the mum of the girl I would expect some sort of contact otherwise I would think that you either didn't care, didn't think there was a problem or were hiding.

Going round to her house would be too confrontational and a shock but a letter/card with some flowers I feel would be good

as for your son, I really don't know what to say or what the best steps are and maybe the school maybe able to offer advice on the way to deal with it as some children respond well to being told off, others don't, some understand that what they have done is terrible, others don't so I think you really have to look for more professional advice on this one as I think it is a very tricky situation to handle

good luck and just remember, your son is not a bad child, he has just had a bit of a blip that you all need to learn from and try to ensure it does not happen again

the_rottweiler

I understand fully what you are going through as ds2 did the same thing at school when he was 7, but it was because he had spent all afternoon making a complex model and another boy came along and deliberately (according to the teacher) knocked it over, ds2 just flipped and started punching the boy till he was pulled off.
The school did not tell me about this, my son did that evening and I explained that violence in any form was wrong and he would have to keep his temper
I asked the school the following morning why they didnt tell me and they said that my son was dealing well with his father leaving (4 weeks before) and though it may have something to do with it , the other boy really was to blame because the teacher had told him not to go near the model and he had done this to others
There has never been a repeat of this and my son is 15

lolababy

Hi speak to your gp about sending your son to see a psychologist. If nothing else it may give you peace of mind ie that your son is a normal seven year old. Id ask the school to set up a meeting with the parents and for someone to mediate. This needs to be resolved before it turns into a bigger problem.