Should I feel guilty?

Mia_Moore

I could never begin to imagine how you and your family are feeling right now.
A truly heartbreaking story.

((hug))

cats_whiskers

Hi

I cannot begin to understand how you are feeling or find the right words to say. I am wiping the tears as we speak. I hope that you and your family find the strength to get through this.

There is an organisation in our area that helps bereaved children (i was thinking of your daughter) and their families, it is called Daisys Dream. The hospital should be able to let you know if there is something similar in your area. It may help you all get through this difficult time.

Cats

Ophie

I couldn't read and run.

Although I haven't had to make the decision to turn off a machine of my son, I did make a decision for hospital staff to not help my son, and I allowed him to die in my arms.

There is no point in me saying to you that it does get easier, it's always hard when ever you think about any child you lost, and you do carry round guilt, a guilt of what if I'd hung around and not been so selfish to think of myself and my family. It's completely normal. As the years pass the frequency I think about my son on a daily basis decreases, but he still means as much as ever to me.

I satisfy myself with the knowledge that I did what I believe as a mother to be the best decision for my child and my own health. It's agonising the wait and the what if's and as you rightly say the phone ringing and the stomach churning is THIS the call?

Don't let the hospital staff rush you in to making the decision before you're ready, and only do it when you are comfortable with the situation that you are in. That it 'feels' right. That you can have whoever you need to be with you there and hold him if you choose to. I personally never regretted allowing my son to die feeling my warmth and giving him as much love as I could in that short time, I held him and watched his breath slowly leave him and let those that meant the most to me have a chance to give him their love too.

Treasure his last smiles and take as many pictures as you can so that you can always have him close to you if you need to. Get hand prints and foot prints, inhale his scent and remember it.

Wishing you every strength to get through this, but please remember it's going to take time and you are going to feel every emotion possible and feel very guilty, and quite possibly feel that you are going mad. Make sure you get treatment as much as your daughter.

x

Tigerlilley1980

I didn't want to read and run either. I am so very sorry that you have to make this decision. Please take comfort in all the messages of support people on herre have sent you. I will be thinking of you and please let us know how you are. Hugs. xxxxxxxxx

poocano78

My wife and I are having a hard time having a child but to have one and then have them taken away and there is nothing you can do is awful. I can only wish you the best from here on out and hope you and yours can find the strength to carry on.

ceridwen

helphelphelphelp wrote: »

After spending 8 months in intensive care, we have decided, with the advice of the doctors, to withdraw treatment on our 9 month old son.

They have said he is now suffering, and has no chance of recovering or even being able to walk, talk, move or breathe on his own.

Yet I feel that I am killing him as the doctors would not withdraw treatment unless we agree. But I love him too much to let him suffer, but love him too much to let him go.

All he can do is smile at me which as a mother would keep me going for 50 years, but as a human, I know I would want more from life than a hospital bed and a machine keeping me alive.

My life has been on hold since he went into hospital, I am constantly waiting for the phone to ring saying he has not made it, I cant go anywhere I cant get signal in case they try to call, every weekend and most days I am doing a 100 mile round trip to see him, which of course I dont mind, but in some ways it would be a relief that I am no longer living in limbo, but feel selfish that I am thinking of how him dying would make my life easier. What sort of mother does that make me?

So this will be my last weekend with my son and I just dont know how I will get through the next few months and if it wasnt for my daughter, would want to be with my son, but there is no way I could let her lose her brother and her mum.

How on earth can you deal with this?

I am not a mother myself - but you come over to me as someone who is trying to do the best you can for your child. There is no need whatsoever for you to "beat yourself up" about this - it is totally understandable why you might wonder about this - but honestly, believe me, you are so clearly doing the best you can for your child. I honestly believe you need to follow the doctors advice here. You say yourself that you wouldnt want to live like this - then be assured that neither would your son.

Sugar_Coated_Owl

I can't begin to imagine what it must be like for you and your family right now. Please don't feel guilty for making such a brave decision. My thoughts are with you and your family xxx

Emzycal

Do NOT feel guilty.
You're stuck between a rock and a hard place,and the professionals have told you this is the best course of action.

This is everyones worst nightmare,surely,not just a parents - I myself will not be having kids for a long time yet but I still know in my heart that nothing would console me at a time like this.

I hope that you and your family can find some peace in the fact that you've made a choice for your little boy which will save him from a lot of pain,discomfort and hardship - a small joy,but small joys are to be clung to in times like this.

''Wherever you go and whatever you do
My spirit is here and it stays close to you
I know you can't see me
But,know I am safe
As i play with the angels
In beauty and grace''

Good luck moving forward from this and please,don't blame yourself.

lyndseyann

I havent really got any words, but i send my love and am thinking of you and the family xxxx

Anthillmob

i dont know what to say thats already been said. didnt want to read and run though.

sending you loads of hugs.