Should I feel guilty?

jinky67

helphelphelphelp wrote: »

After spending 8 months in intensive care, we have decided, with the advice of the doctors, to withdraw treatment on our 9 month old son.

They have said he is now suffering, and has no chance of recovering or even being able to walk, talk, move or breathe on his own.

Yet I feel that I am killing him as the doctors would not withdraw treatment unless we agree. But I love him too much to let him suffer, but love him too much to let him go.

All he can do is smile at me which as a mother would keep me going for 50 years, but as a human, I know I would want more from life than a hospital bed and a machine keeping me alive.

My life has been on hold since he went into hospital, I am constantly waiting for the phone to ring saying he has not made it, I cant go anywhere I cant get signal in case they try to call, every weekend and most days I am doing a 100 mile round trip to see him, which of course I dont mind, but in some ways it would be a relief that I am no longer living in limbo, but feel selfish that I am thinking of how him dying would make my life easier. What sort of mother does that make me?

So this will be my last weekend with my son and I just dont know how I will get through the next few months and if it wasnt for my daughter, would want to be with my son, but there is no way I could let her lose her brother and her mum.

How on earth can you deal with this?

(((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))) for you.
I wouldnt wish this situation on my worst enemy.

But you shouldnt feel guilty...you are doing what yourselves and the Doctors have decided what is best for your son.
As you say what kind of a life would he have?

Enjoy what time you have left with him, and dont ever be made to feel guilty for making a very brave decision

I know its one I certainly wouldnt like to make.

Sending you all the love in the world
xxxx

foxxymynx

Just wanted to send you my love. It's such a hard decision that no one should ever have to make.

onetomany

omgggggggggggg hun sending you all my love and lots of hugssssssssss xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

handmaiden_2

the fact that you are so fraught is sign enough that you love this baby so much, your feelings of guilt are completely normal, you will go through many stages and one will be relief, this is not a bad thing it is simply our ways of coping and grieving with things that have happened . netherless, this does not make your heart breaking or the descision any easier, I would think that counselling now would be a good idea, so you can talk to someone neutral who is not a doctor , just somepne to listen to your fears and worries. I would say that it may possibly benefit you and any family afterwards aswell, not straight away but when/if you feel ready. my heart goes out to you,
do you have close friends, family who can support you? xxx

redwineguzzler

My heart goes out to you..............
Oh my goodness, it's a decision no parent should have to make, and none of it's your fault at all, please, please dont feel guilty, just know that all you have done is the very very best for your child, you'll never ever stop loving or forget your child. I hope that you have other members of family that will support you through which undoubtably be the hardest time for you.
My thoughts and hugs are with you. xx

ladybez

Please don't feel guilty. If your son is suffering, as hard as the decision is, it would seem to be the right one. Try to make what time he has left as comfortable as you can. I agree that you may find counselling useful and remember there are many people on this site thinking of and praying for you.
Hugs. xx

RedBern

puts a lot of problems into some perspective. Sorry to hear your news.

It is a terrible time for you, however, the doctors have told you that there is nothing they can do for your son, and if he is suffering it is not fair to him. Unfortunately though the pressure to make the decision is yours, in a fair world it would be in the hands of God, who wouldn't let him suffer. He's being kept alive by unnatural means - and by withdrawing those means you are doing the kindest act as a loving mother that you can. Don't feel guilty, feel proud and brave that you are doing what is best for your boy. Look after yourself and your daughter. x

Ishtar

I am so sorry to hear your story, and I'm sorry you have to face one of the hardest decisions of your life. I've been in a similar situation to you, and all I can say is that as his parents you will make the right decision for him. We strive to do our best, and that's all we can do.

You are not killing him, you are loving him enough to bear his pain for him. Never feel guilty for making this choice.

You will get through it...it will be tough, but you will cope.

Sending you much strength.
Hugs
D
x

Stephb1986_2

Guilt is a natural reaction, in this case you shouldn't feel guilty as you are doing only what is best for him and your family. As you have already said as a human you wouldn't want to be in a hospital for the rest of your life on machines that are keeping you alive i mean what sort of life is that for a little boy when he should be playing football and eyeing up the ladies. What if you changed your mind and decided that you want him to live in the next 50 years he will turn into a grown man what happens when you die who would look after him like you would could you really trust someone to do that?

It is a case of being cruel to be kind hun and you are doing what is best for him.

Im can't imagine what you must be going through it must be awful and the most darkest of times for you.

If you need to talk just pm me.

Your in my thoughts and prayers.

Love hugs and kisses

Steph xx

Jammygal

you poor thing ........what a terrible time you have had/are having...hugs to you all.xxx
Like some others have said I would definately seek help at this time so you can talk through your decisions and feelings with folk who have been through the same thing. xx