Should I feel guilty?

helphelphelphelp

After spending 8 months in intensive care, we have decided, with the advice of the doctors, to withdraw treatment on our 9 month old son.

They have said he is now suffering, and has no chance of recovering or even being able to walk, talk, move or breathe on his own.

Yet I feel that I am killing him as the doctors would not withdraw treatment unless we agree. But I love him too much to let him suffer, but love him too much to let him go.

All he can do is smile at me which as a mother would keep me going for 50 years, but as a human, I know I would want more from life than a hospital bed and a machine keeping me alive.

My life has been on hold since he went into hospital, I am constantly waiting for the phone to ring saying he has not made it, I cant go anywhere I cant get signal in case they try to call, every weekend and most days I am doing a 100 mile round trip to see him, which of course I dont mind, but in some ways it would be a relief that I am no longer living in limbo, but feel selfish that I am thinking of how him dying would make my life easier. What sort of mother does that make me?

So this will be my last weekend with my son and I just dont know how I will get through the next few months and if it wasnt for my daughter, would want to be with my son, but there is no way I could let her lose her brother and her mum.

How on earth can you deal with this?

bestpud

No you should not feel guilty!

Do you have anyone you can talk to about this?

I have no idea how you deal with it.

I guess one step at a time.

Please be kind to yourself.

geri1965_2

You know you are making the right decision, for him, but of course it is difficult to let go - you wouldn't be human if you didn't have those feelings. You are under a lot of stress and pressure, and there is no need to be hard on yourself - you have nothing to feel guilty about. Let him go, and concentrate on being the excellent mother for your daughter that I'm sure you are.

moggitymog

I'm afraid I have no words of advice, feeling guilty is a natural reaction, I can't imagine how bad things must feel but I send you my love and hope you can be strong. xxx

Mojisola

helphelphelphelp wrote: »

How on earth can you deal with this?

I don't know that anyone else can answer that for you - it's such an awful situation for you. It would help to be in contact with parents who have gone through it - I've found this group https://www.healingheart.net/about.html who may be able to help.

I would be making the same decision as you. It's very brave of you. I don't think you should be feeling guilty. Without the intensive care he would not have made it so far but you have given him the chance of life and been there for him.

You may find it comforting to ask a deceased relative you loved to come and help him through this sad time and to look after him in the next life.

AnnieM_3

I just wanted to post and say how sorry I am that you have had to make such a terrible and difficult decision.

I'm afraid I think that the doctors probably just need you to acknowledge they are correct in their diagnosis - the times we live in mean that medical professionals just don't say: 'I'm sorry, we don't feel it's right to keep the treatment going' as I'm guessing too many lawsuits have been filed against them. So now, at a time when we would look to doctors/consultants etc. to advise US what to do, we get the facts, but have to make the actual decision giving consent to withdraw treatment. (Please, if there are any medical professionals on here who can say otherwise, feel free to contradict me - I'm only going from my very limited experience with this and don't mean to cause any offence.)

Have you and your family been offered counselling? It sounds like some would be appropriate at this very sad time.

My sincerest sympathies,

AnnieM x

poppyolivia

That is the most heartbreaking thing I have ever read! So sorry to hear about it! Please don't feel guilty, sounds like there is a better place for your son and it isn't here.

I'm so sorry but I honestly don't know what to say, my thoughts are with you and your family xxx

Cazza

Didn't want to read an run, my thoughts are with you. X

gemz20

You should not feel guilty you have got to make the hardest descsion any parent would have to make and no one could understand how you feel or think unless they have been in that situation, if your sayin your son is suffering and can never recover i think the fact you will remove treatment is one of the kindest and bravest things you could do for your baby boy

ifonlyitwaseasier

i just wanted to add to the other posters,

you shouldn't feel guilty at all, this is sthg that no-one should have to go thro but unfortunately it happens too often.

all i can offer are hugs and my support on here.

ioiwe

affordmylife

what a terrible position to be in.

life for your daughter cant have been easy with this all going on either. bless her.

all i can say is i work in a special needs school where some of the children there have very little quality of life and it really is heartbreaking. some of them i personally feel would have been better off slipping away but its so difficult isnt it.

it would be so much easier if you didnt have to make a decision and for nature to just take its course.

i wish you all the love in the world. stay strong and enjoy the time you have with your son x