am i entitled to anything re common law relationship

Errata

What's wrong with women in the 21st century?

Nothing whatsoever. Some men or women have in the past and will in the future always be violent towards their partners, and their partners will always find it difficult to extricate themselves.
I don't believe in blaming the victim.

paddy's_mum

I suspect that many responders have picked up on the cruel behaviour going on here and not given enough weight to something fundamental. The boyfriend and his arrogant cruelty are not the whole problem. It is the OP's lack of self-esteem which is allowing the situation to develop and to continue.

However, she should not make the mistake of thinking (as was intimated in post no. 46) that if she "was slim", some magic wand would be waved and everything come right. The wrath of heaven falls equally on the skinny and the stout.

OP - it is quite clear that you have major self-esteem issues and my advice is that you seek help or counselling to learn to like yourself again.

Your weight and looks are not what helps to build a loving and sound relationship - you could be a Jordan lookalike and this man would still behave like the scraping off my shoe, as the next half a dozen girls who take him for a well deserved ride will discover. I just wish sometimes I could be a fly on the wall the day people like this get what's coming to them.

margaretclare

I agree with paddy's mum above. Even if you managed to change your weight and your looks he would still be griping about your age, and that is something that no diet and no cosmetic surgery can alter!!

I do think it is a matter of self-esteem here, although whether the OP had this low level of self-esteem and self-worth at the start of this relationship, or whether it has developed over time, I don't know. It is certainly something that will not improve the longer this situation is allowed to go on. An assertiveness course might be a good idea - local adult community college? Not 'blaming' anyone, just a thought.

By the way, some of us have managed to negotiate the menopause WITHOUT 'all the hormones and the nagging' - it's possible to remain a reasonable human being, menopause or not!

Catti

To answer a question that was first asked:

Generally, anything owned before the relationship or purchased by one of the co-habs during the relationship remain the property of that partner. But, If a couple were engaged to be married, an application can be made to the Court under section 17 of the Married Women's Property Act 1882. It must be made within 3 years of the engagement being broken off.

In short - get legal advice!:exclamati

Susan_Frost

How is he coming into £500,000 ? and why April ? (sounds nosey, but sounds strange)

When you have taken note of all the above comments and advice, you need to sit down and have a good think.

You have a job
You are capable of working 12 hours a day and getting money together
You have kept house ok
You have got yourself a home, your name is on the rent book
You have family who care about you.

These, and I am sure many other things, are positives about yourself.

Think of some more and write them down. Honest ? Reliable ? etc.

Apply to get him out of the house asap, dont subsidise him any more. The police and council should help.

You can build your life back again.

You may have lost touch with original friends, but some may be around, ring them. Make new friends, thing about who is around, neighbours, family contacts, do the people at work have nights out, etc. Make sure you interact with other people, dont shut yourself away.

It will take time to build up confidence and self esteem (and assertiveness) but you must have some inner strength if you have put up with all this. It just needs channelling for yourself and your future.

Good luck

audbod38

Best way to deal with him is to take control of your life again, force yourself to make friends, go out enjoy yourself, show him you are strong and that you dont need him and report him to police for domestic violence. See how he enjoys spending his money from the comfort of his prison cell.

ema_o

Just my 2p worth - I have lost touch with friends in the past but if one of them got in touch with me and needed a friend I would still be there for them. My OH's sister was in a controlling relationship and had barely spoken to any of her friends, she got away and got back in touch and they were almost all there for her straight away xx

Amber_Sunshine

If any man hurt my cat she would be having a tasty treat for supper ...

OP, if you stay in the house, get a nice lodger, say a bodybuilder or policeman ... but if your safety and that of your pets is at risk, find a friend or family member to look after the cat temporarily, and get yourself out of there. Stuff the money you have spent on him. You are young enough to start again.

I'll admit I had my doubts about this being genuine, but wanted to offer some advice as equally it could be real.

Tigerlilley1980

Bless you chick this is awful. You really need to get out. I have been in a realtionship similar to this and honestly things geet so much better. Get yourself out of there quickly. It is domestic violence even if he is just saying these things to you and by reading your posts it seems to me this relationship has been full of domestic violence in every possible way. When I left my ex I got a lot of help from a domestic violence charity who were fantastic and helped me to see what exactly had gone on. Please see if there is a charity like this in your area as they really will help, even with helping you find somewhere to live if you need it. You deserve better than this and you may think you love him but it isn't love if he is treating you like this. Sorry to sound harsh. Only you can fix this by getting away from him. Please pm me if you would like a chat.
I really hope you get the situation sorted xxxx

moneysaver12

Omg this is terrible, if the house is in only your name, then i would kick him out and change the locks and if he won't go get the police to remove him they will.