am i entitled to anything re common law relationship

helpmepls_3

i have been with my partner for 5 years and live in a rented house and we share all the bills, we are engaged and now my partner has come into £500,000 and has basically said that when his money is coming through he is leaving me, he wont move out the rented place we are sharing and i dont want him to anyway as i cant afford to live here by myself, so his doing what he pleases coming in drunk staying out, with other woman, being nasty to me and breaking all my things as he knows i dont have enough money to replace these weras he can buy all brand new stuff - is there anything that i would be entitled to even through we werent married and renting, we were together 5 years and paid bills and i use to pay for the food and his entertainment

MaximumImpact

Sorry mate, the law doesnt recognise common law relationships anymore......that said it has its upsides as well as its downs...Sounds like you would be better shot of him anyway!

Hold your head up high, walk away....he sounds like a right t&sser!!!

helpmepls_3

no i am not relaxed but i didnt want to go on and bore people, we were happy and i worked 12 hours a day so that i earnt enough, as he said that i didnt earn enough to be with him before as he wanted a rich gf, so i slogged my bum off, and have brought him loads of stuff, playstations, tvs you name it, car stereo and now he said that i am to old for him i am 28 and his 37 and he wants someone younger that wont reach menopause as he doesnt want to deal with all the hormones i will be going through and the nagging
thing is his made me fat and friendless as he didnt want me seeing my friends and cause i worked long hours i let myself go as i just wanted to get the money in so he would be happy, but now his got this money which is coming through in april he doesnt want to know, he said that i could go with him to his new house that his going to buy and i can cook and clean for him but he can do as and what he wants as that is what a man is entitled to, but i dont want to do that he plays cats and mouse one day he be nice and the next i see he has taken my bank card and helped himself to my cash and gone out on the !!!!, and then come home and break my things and call me fat and ugly and that i make him feel sick and once he poured boiling hot water over my face, so i guess i should be pleased his going, but i have no self esteem and i think that noone will want me that having him is better then noone and then i get angry thinking how he can leave me just like that
i am just worried as i havent saved any of my money and i just gave it to him and paid our bills and now i am going to be left in debt as i still have bills to pay off and i will be left with no money, once i have paid the rent and councul tax and food and cost of living and his going to be walking off smelling of roses with a young girl on his arm leaving me penniless, in debt and no friends

helpmepls_3

no i am not relaxed but i didnt want to go on and bore people, we were happy and i worked 12 hours a day so that i earnt enough, as he said that i didnt earn enough to be with him before as he wanted a rich gf, so i slogged my bum off, and have brought him loads of stuff, playstations, tvs you name it, car stereo and now he said that i am to old for him i am 28 and his 37 and he wants someone younger that wont reach menopause as he doesnt want to deal with all the hormones i will be going through and the nagging
thing is his made me fat and friendless as he didnt want me seeing my friends and cause i worked long hours i let myself go as i just wanted to get the money in so he would be happy, but now his got this money which is coming through in april he doesnt want to know, he said that i could go with him to his new house that his going to buy and i can cook and clean for him but he can do as and what he wants as that is what a man is entitled to, but i dont want to do that he plays cats and mouse one day he be nice and the next i see he has taken my bank card and helped himself to my cash and gone out on the !!!!, and then come home and break my things and call me fat and ugly and that i make him feel sick and once he poured boiling hot water over my face, so i guess i should be pleased his going, but i have no self esteem and i think that noone will want me that having him is better then noone and then i get angry thinking how he can leave me just like that
i am just worried as i havent saved any of my money and i just gave it to him and paid our bills and now i am going to be left in debt as i still have bills to pay off and i will be left with no money, once i have paid the rent and councul tax and food and cost of living and his going to be walking off smelling of roses with a young girl on his arm leaving me penniless, in debt and no friends

Skint_Catt

:grouphug: What a pig (him not you!) do you have somewhere to go? Parents? Get out ASAP and stay away from him, he is the lowest of the low and doesn't deserve you! (And in the nicest possible sense I hope you've learned to work hard for yourself - not to pay someone else to have a good time!)

My self-esteem is low too, but I wouldn't put up with that sort of crap and I know there is someone out there for everyone (I think I've found mine eventually ) Can you start getting your stuff out even if you have no-where to go.

(And on a sorry note do NOT sleep with this guy - who knows where he's been or what he's picked up :eek:)

MaximumImpact

Ok lets start at the beginning....He's a t8sser and needs a good slap.

Did you have any friends, I mean really good friends before you met him? If so, I am sure that they will be more than happy to help you out now. I have a friend who is stuck in a relationship similar to yours and although I haven't spoken to her for some time, I know that if and when it all tumbles down, I will be waiting with open arms and a cup of tea. You will have all the support you need here on this board, I promise.

On a more serious note, If the things that you are saying are true with regards to the boiling water and damage to your things, I think you need to contact your local Domestic violence team in the police as a matter of urgency. they wont question the delay in reporting and will assist you with advice on other matters.

It is time to realise that the only one with no self esteem is him. After all why does he need to bully someone? well to make himself feel big of course, is he a real man? No of course not!!!

You are not fat and worthless, you are merely going through a learning curve...learning that you are number 1 and to hell with everyone else.

If you aren't brave enough to make that first step yet...trust me you will be soon. If you need help with regards to the violence side but not on an open foruim, please feel free to Pm me and with a few details, I can put you in touch with the right people.....

Good luck and BE STRONG!!!!

xxx

helzbelz_57

walk as far and fast as you can away from this man, not only is he bad for your finances, he sounds extremely controlling and i think you can only benefit from leaving him. if possible i wouldnt wait for him to leave. i would leave him, parents, relatives, friends, rented room. anything to get your distance. forget about what you have spent on him, you wont see it, just leave. if you work 12 hours a day, im sure you will be able to find accomodation within your budget. it might mean tighteneing the purse strings but at least your money will be your own and you wont have to waste any of it keeping him entertained. im sorry you are going through this and it mightnt be what you want to hear but i think you are better without this man.

helpmepls_3

i have nowhere to go, and cause i have lost my freinds not spoken to them in 5 years i dont know where they are and they have prob moved on anyway,so i am all alone and that is what i am scared of more then anything and i just dont know what to do, i just thought even if i was allowed like 5,000 to get back some of the money i had spent on him that make me feel secure so that i had some rent and council tax behind me, as at the minute my bank is bare apart from the money for the bills as i spent loads on him at xmas and he borrowed money to go out and meet his friends plus he has broken my toaster well the last 2 in 4 weeks and my kettle and kicked my cat so that i had to go to the vets and i had to pay to put his leg right and he has broken other stuff as well so i have to replace them as well
when i think about it he has only taken me out twice in 5 years or he take me out if i give him petrol money but at the end of the day i love him and even writing this to you makes me feel bad and i still dont want him to go as i think 5 years is a long time to be with someone and i have been with them all through my 20s really - i would feel better if i had my mates and i was slim but i just feel that what he says is true

helpmepls_3

well i wouldnt say that he was voilent, its only if i annoy him, so i wont be doing that as i cant afford anything else to get broken, so i just have to put up with it til he moves out in march/april time

helzbelz_57

he says what he says to control you, it isnt true, but he know if he can make you feel fat and ugly, then you will think you are lucky to have him. i know this is very hard for you but this is a damaging relationship. ok so you have no friends. can you rent a room in a house? any family that can help? also, if there is domestic violence, report it!!! you will be able to get something in place to prevent him coming near you when you do leave. im not sure of the right name for it, an injuction or restraint order i think. if the house and all bills are in your name then have the locks changed. and maybe add extra security. for your own sake you need to get out of this relationship asap. btw, 5 years of that is a long time, 20 years is even longer. dont let yourself be his victim anymore.

MaximumImpact

Sorry to be blunt Sweetheart but you are a classic Domestic Violence Victim!!! Yousee them all the time...the 'but I love him' brigade. It is quite clear to you and I, although you wont admit it, that he doesnt care for you one iota because if he did then he wouldnt lay a finger on you and wouldnt treat you the way he does. I would say that quite frankly you are best shot of him.

Did you know that the majority of murders are domestic?? Did you know that a DV victim will be assaulted 35 times before he or she goes to the police???....Oh and usually 7 years have elapsed since the first assault???

I dont want you to be another statistic, another victim, another body.

Forget about your weight, your social life...think about your safety...

We are here to help but you have to let us help and you have to help youself.