Just how normal IS this revolting teenage mess?

sleepless_saver

Steph998 wrote: »

Sigh. So it's back to the weekly visits to clean up for him then. It won't make the slightest bit of difference to him (apart from being able to find his underwear again) but at least I will sleep at night.

Would the other mothers who know where I am coming from do the same?

No, I wouldn't (and I don't) but I might feel differently if I owned the flat and had an investment to protect. Otherwise, it's up to him/her, and I am not going to stress about it. After all, they are the ones who have to live in it and forfeit their deposit if it gets too bad. And if you keep cleaning up after him, why would he bother learning to do it himself?

Idea: if you are providing financial support on top of the rent free living, why not withhold some of this for his final term to cover cleaning/repair costs. If it's in OK condition when he leaves, then he can get the money .

Steph998

Mutter wrote: »

Do you think bubbles, that wiping your feet on the way out may be a little too subtle for students?

Now THAT's funny.

Northern_girl_2

It sounds like your son is a fairly typical a student I'm afraid, particularly in all male flats. I've seen pyramids of beer cans on windowsills, a mobile made from pizza boxes hanging from the ceiling and unwashed alcohol bottles 'decorating' the top of kitchen units. One student flat we looked at to rent had !!!!!! mags scattered on the bathroom floor!

I'm a bit obsessive about cleaning but my flatmates would happily leave unwashed pots for a week plus/until they grew mould, bins got emptied when they overflowed and hoovering was a termly exercise. We did tidy up when family came to visit but all our families lived quite a distance so we had some warning. Living close means you can just pop in so more likely to see the state students will happily live in.

By the sound of it they do clean up when it gets too bad, which is pretty much what happened in our house. I know it must be hard but try to avoid tidying up after him - he will improve as he gets older.

If him and his flatmate could pay for a cleaner for a couple of hours a week then it probably wouldn't cost too much. In halls we had a cleaner who did the shared areas - bathroom, hoovered living room and wiped surfaces/sink in kitchen. They actually didn't do that much but it meant we felt guilty and would tidy up before she came - she wouldn't clean anything unless we cleared services. That way, at least you would know it met basic hygiene standards and would probably be tidied by them weekly too.

Steph998

PS

I finally got Dan's mate to set up a standing order for the rent so we don't *have* to go round anymore. We are off on holiday soon, and he was supposed to do it ages ago. He doesn't seem in the slightest bit bothered that Dan doesn't pay rent. He just accepts it Dan's parents who own the place, and he is getting it really cheap in comparison to most student rooms. I don't think Dan ever does the 'it's my parents flat' thing...he's not that kind of lad. They share the money on the gas and electricity pay you go meters, and they are good buddies and spend all their time together even outside the flat. I think the FM's mum pays it for him anyway.

Errata

The difficulty is that the son has to work part time, earning £70 a week, and this is the only money he has to cover fuel, food, books, travel etc - everything.
A cleaner in his financial situation is a luxury he can't afford.

*Louise*

Rikki wrote: »

In Stephs defense she doesn't go round to clean the flat, its to collect the rent from her sons flat mate. The mess is what she has discovered on her last visit and was asking what we think and what would we do.

I was just going by #35

Steph wrote:

Sigh. So it's back to the weekly visits to clean up for him then. It won't make the slightest bit of difference to him (apart from being able to find his underwear again) but at least I will sleep at night.

Would the other mothers who know where I am coming from do the same?

That indicated to me that Steph has cleaned for him weekly in the past



I still hope she doesn't give in and do it. Step away from the duster/hoover/industrial incinerator Steph!!

melancholly

boys can be horrible like this (well girls too, but more often than not it's the boys!). i lived with men in their 20s who seemed to think a covering of mould on everything was normal.... it makes me shudder thinking about it!

one alternative way to approach it is to maybe buy him a whole cleaning kit.... put all the potions and cloths in a box and give them to him. does he know how to clean? i know that sounds stupid, but so many people don't see the difference between tidying and actually removing dirt! is it worth compromising with him to spend a day doing a spring clean together to get the flat looking really good and then maybe it'll be easier for them to keep it up to a reasonable level. once it's hideous, it's such a big mountain to climb to get on top of it! i guess i realise that this isn't a 'normal' situation (I don't mean that in the wrong way, just that standard approaches may not work), so i'm trying to think of anything else that could help!

Steph998

*Louise* wrote: »

I was just going by #35



That indicated to me that Steph has cleaned for him weekly in the past



I still hope she doesn't give in and do it. Step away from the dusterhoover/industrial incinerator/ Steph!!

Louise....when he first moved in end of August, I did go round there and tidy up. I confessed this on the other thread that is floating around somewhere....and with the help of the wonderful people on here I did manage to stop....although I did manage to give one last frantic squirt with the bleach toward the general area of the loo as they were pushing me out the door.

peachyprice

Steph998 wrote: »

DS was never brought up to be like this.

And that is exactly why he is living like it now!

I say this with absolutley no disprespect to you, but if you've spent your whole life living in a neat, tidy home the first thing you're going to do when you leave is rebel, and that is exactly what he is doing. He doesn't have to live to your standards anymore, he's finding his own, and if that means he has to start at the bottom living in a cesspit, you have to let him.

You really cannot dictate to him that he and his flatmate need a cleaner, they may well get one when they're fed up with living like it but in the meantime, as parents, you just have to grin and bear it and let him live his own way.

*Louise*

Steph998 wrote: »

Louise....when he first moved in end of August, I did go round there and tidy up. I confessed this on the other thread that is floating around somewhere....and with the help of the wonderful people on here I did manage to stop....although I did manage to give one last frantic squirt with the bleach toward the general area of the loo as they were pushing me out the door.

:rotfl: :rotfl: @ the thought of you frantically trying to do something...anything... to prevent the army of germs. I think you would be fighting a losing battle by the sounds of it.

I have all this to come one day...:o