Just how normal IS this revolting teenage mess?

AnnieM_3

Totally normal. Wait until revision week hits - the house will never have been so clean and tidy -ANYTHING to avoid revising!

Mutter_2

foxxymynx wrote: »

gotta agree it's a tricky one.

If he only says stuff to stepson, and does it in a nice manner "look, I'm worried about you here, you're gonna get ill, this place stinks, bring a potentiol girlfriend here and she'll run a mile! I've paid aot of money so that you can live here, at least make the effort to keep it reasonable? What about getting a cleaner if you can't be bothered?"

Granted he could turn around and play petty little step son "grr, what do you care, you're not my real dad"

but if he plays the loving, caring step dad first

I rushed back in to post just that foxxy, I'll get back to cooking. :T

foxxymynx

Mutter wrote: »

I rushed back in to post just that foxxy, I'll get back to cooking. :T

lol, great minds and all that?

geekgirl

Steph998 wrote: »

to the point where he is living as a normal human being.

He is a normal human being. My sons bedroom is a total mess, the only rule I have for his bedroom is he is not allowed to eat and drink in there (because of mouldy plates and drinks not coming out for months!) and the mess must not spill out of his door into the hallway. I seriously don't know how he can be doing with it.

I stopped going into any of my kids rooms and if they wanted clean clothes they had to bring them down and take their clean ones back up. Then in the end they had to wash them themselves.

But back to your son, you need to find out if it is him or his flatmate or both who are causing the mess. If it is the flatmate is this causing your son not to bother or maybe visa versa.

If I were you I wouldn't bat an eyelid as long as it is only superficial mess and not downright unhealthy, he will find his own way eventually. It is what growing up is about. But in reality inside it would bother me I just wouldn't react to it let him live like a slob if he wants as long as it isn't damaging the property.

When my daughter was at uni there were 8 people sharing a house, when she wanted to cook she used to take all the stinking washing up of everyone else's that they had left and dump it in their rooms. It truly was a heaving hole at times.

Good luck with it.

Mutter_2

I'm thinking about all this whilst I cook.

I don't think either of you should go tonight, they haven't had time to clear up for one thing, Another is that he will look so uncool in front of the flatmate but worst of all alienate him still further from Step-Dad.
Please think again.

liney

Aside your son, i don't the young man who IS paying you rent is exactly getting 'quiet enjoyment' of the property.

Solution is stop visiting there. The fact you have a paying tennent there too means you really shouldn't be turning up moaning at the mess anyway. You should be scheduling visits.

You can invite your son around weekly, or meet him for lunch somewhere, but if you keep going around complaining you are likely to lose his paying friend.

elainew

Can you not lie and say that other residents are complaining about the smell? Tell him they have threatened to go to the council unless its cleaned up--might shock him into cleaning up .

*Louise*

I thought a lot of students have the place in a tip?


You know...because of all the time they spend *cough* studying, they don't have time to clean


As for going round every week and cleaning up after him - yeah RIGHT!! Let go the apron strings (I mean that in the nicest possible way) and let him get on with his own life. He won't learn to clean if you keep tidying up after him. Let him suffer the consequences.;)

Think of it in another way...when he settles down in the future, if you have always cleaned up after him he will expect his partner/wife to do the same thing. By all means go round there and chivvy him along, but he has to learn to look after himself and the property he lives in.

r.mac_2

ok - I may be controversial here but this is what I would do:

1. Do not clean up his mess - it's his flat (lets leave the LL and rent issue to one side) and he's responsible for the state of it. living away from home while at uni is a great opportunity to learn how to look after yourself - in many respects, especially if you've always had a mum who has run around after you for 18 yrs! My husband lived at home while at uni and when he finally got a flat once he was working it was a total shock to him that there was no such thing as the housework fairy!

2. if you feel that the state of the flat is detrimental to the flat itself, then I would suggest giving your son and his flatmate a date at which you'll conduct an inspection - give them a couple of weeks notice - perhaps at the end of christmas term? Our landlords did this in our uni flats and it was standard practice. If they make an effort (and remember that they are 18 yr old boys away from home for the first time) then I would say it's a learning curve thing and you have to let your son live as he wishes when not living with you and I wouldn't be too worried. If it's a total mess remind them that they will have to pay for a professional cleaner/carpet cleaner at the end of the university year as per any other rented property and work out a date for the next inspection.

I love my husband dearly, but he's lazy and part of the problem is that his mum did everything for him when he lived at home (until he was 22) and then even cleaned his own - bought flat when she visited up until I moved in. Now I'm a housewife/SAHM and cleaning is within my remit, but his slovenly ways do come to the fore every now and then because someone else is always there to pick up after him. The flip side of the coin is that his mother has never really cut those apron strings and finds it very hard to remember that he's a grown-up who is married and not her little boy who needs everything doing for him!

good luck with it all - it's hard to see them grow-up, but you have to trust in them and trust that you have given him all the skills he needs to get-by. He's being a teenager

Errata

AnnieM wrote: »

Totally normal. Wait until revision week hits - the house will never have been so clean and tidy -ANYTHING to avoid revising!

That rings a bell - I would have, and did, anything to put off the evil book opening . Normal student behaviour, as is the squalor. I know two bachelor doctors with their own properties and their housekeeping challenges my immune system :eek: