Just how normal IS this revolting teenage mess?

Mutter_2

Steph998 wrote: »

Oh come on....we're also his parents! This is not a typical let, with neither party being involved, not to mention related.

I may be horrified at the mess, and want to help him to help himself...but I am not about to start sending my own son letters.....

If it's good enough for The Queen to converse with Prince Charles by letter, it's good enough for you Steph.:D

I think you need to get your LL hat on. As others have said a LL must give reasonable notice to enter a flat and if refused entry by the tenant must obtain a court order to do so.
If it is an emergency e.g water pouring out from under the front door, then that is another matter.

Wearing the parent hat, did you tell him you were going round? I wouldn't dream of arriving at my student daughter's house unannounced. It's better for our own mental health. Let alone theirs.

So either way, I feel he should have been given reasonable warning that you would descend.

What you don't know, your heart won't grieve over.

tomstickland

Steph998 wrote: »

We thought about Halls for uni, but far too expensive. We are in the fortunate position to have been able to buy a flat (investment too) and he lives there rent free, F/M pays rent.

So I'm the Landlord. :cool:

In that case I think he's having far too easy a time.

PasturesNew

Steph998 wrote: »

So...do landlords come round and make you tidy up?

Legally a tenant has a right to quiet enjoyment of a property while they are renting it. So no. That would be akin to renters being kept in slavery!

A tenant has a responsibility to not upset any neighbours, not cause any nuisance or danger and to hand the property back in the same (clean) condition it was in when they moved in. Less fair wear and tear.

Steph998

skintchick wrote: »

In which case, if he were at home how would you deal with it? Then do the same.

Sigh. So it's back to the weekly visits to clean up for him then. It won't make the slightest bit of difference to him (apart from being able to find his underwear again) but at least I will sleep at night.

Would the other mothers who know where I am coming from do the same?

FairyElephant_2

Steph, I feel for you (I replied on your earlier thread) but as someone else has said - if he was still living with you would he be able to live in such a mess?

Perhaps a quiet word between the two of you - along the lines that you are disappointed in the mess he has let the flat get into, expected better of him etc, as you didn't bring him up to live like that, and as he is living rent-free then the least he could do would be keep it hygenic, if not tidy! (most teens seem to be incapable of tidy, but there is no real excuse for filthy, not taking the rubbish out etc.).

If he is not opening the post, are you sure he is paying the bills etc on time?

If he was in 'independant' rented accom, he could be evicted for failing to keep the place to a 'reasonable standard' (ex-neighbours of mine at a previous house eventually were - several neighbours complained to the LL about the smells from rotten food etc!).

Best of luck,

FE

Steph998

Mutter wrote: »

If it's good enough for The Queen to converse with Prince Charles by letter, it's good enough for you Steph.:D

LOL! And when I (apparently, according to Sunday's paper) stand down at age 85, he inherits the job of Chief Moaner and Cleaner for his kids.

Reggie_Rebel

He'll be allright once he gets a bird

Steph998

tomstickland wrote: »

In that case I think he's having far too easy a time.

Not disputed! But he is newly 18, living in a flat he didn't ask for (so I and my OH could keep our marriage together,) tryingto study towards a Masters, and he has years and years of real life and mortages and stress and the rest ahead of him. I'm not trying to shield him from it...but I love him, I'm his mother, and I don't like to see him living like this.

I probably should not have opened this can of worms again...lots of people here have not read the previous thread, so I am having to repeat myself to defend myself. That's not why I posted. I don't want to be vilified for providing an alternative 'home' for my son at 17 because his step father can't stand the sight of him. I simply wondered if other mothers would clean for their kids in the same situation.

amandada

Steph998 wrote: »

Sigh. So it's back to the weekly visits to clean up for him then. It won't make the slightest bit of difference to him (apart from being able to find his underwear again) but at least I will sleep at night.

Would the other mothers who know where I am coming from do the same?

Rather than doing it FOR him, is there a way you can do it WITH him? Or (trying to not read the riot act at him) but have some kind of agreement that if you help him to get it back on track this time, that he'll keep it in a semi-decent state in between times?

Bearing in mind I was THE messiest teenager ever, I could well be talking out of a hole in my head!:o

Surfbabe

Even if its your house he should still be paying a nominal rent.

AS for it being like a pigsty - a lot of students do live like thet cos mum has always done it for them. My DS gets really annoyed with his housemates when they don;t clear up, empty the bins etc. If he hasn;t opened the post then the chances are the bills aren;t being paid !!!

I think you need to tell him that you will be checking again in a week and if there is no improvement then he may have to find somewhere else to live as you are not prepared to subsidise him if he can;t look after your asset