Just how normal IS this revolting teenage mess?

oystercatcher

ldavies wrote: »

My husband thinks im really mean as both our sons ( aged 12 and 8) have to do their fair share of the home chores... my eldest hoovers daily, my youngest is in charge of collecting all the washing and they both take care of the dishwasher..

As working parents, the boys are under no illusion how important it is to quality of home life that we all do our bit to ensure we can all sit down as a family after tea.

This also means that we all have responsibilities towards each other and hopefully when the time comes, they have respect for others and will one day make great husbands lol

Do people really hoover daily?? I only hoover about once a fortnight but it does really really need doing by then....... and I have a dust allergy !
I just can't seem to find the time .

Oystercatcher

saubryn

If you weren't the landlord, and letting him live there rent free, I'd have said to just leave him to it. If you really can't stand the fact that he's living like that in 'your' property, why not make him move out - would he qualify for a student loan if he had to pay rent to live somewhere else?

I hated being nagged to clean up, I now have my own place (rented), and yes, it's a state, but the ONLY person who is allowed to comment is the LANDLORD. Anyone else who complains is promptly told they can leave if they don't like it.

This may not apply to you, but I grew up hearing 'If you want to do XYZ, you can do it while you live in your own place, but not under my roof'. If you said that to your son, then honour it, and let him enjoy his freedom!

It's tricky with you being the landlord - anything you do could cause friction with the paying tenant too. My suggestion would be to let him rent a place from somewhere else (if he could 'afford' to). Then let him get on with life. If he grows out of it in a few years, great - if not, it's his choice.

Steph998

Thanks Savvy, your post was very helpful. Actually, we did buy the flat, outright, so there is no mortgage, and no third party for permission. It's actually our company that owns it...so our book keeper sends out the rental receipts, and there is a record that F/M has lived there since Sept.

Savvy_Sue

Even so there is still insurance. Please tell me you've got buildings insurance on it? Even more essential for a flat than a house, in case someone leaves a plug in the bath and brings the neighbour's ceiling down ... or doesn't stub out a cigarette ... or ... need I go on? :rotfl:

And I'm sure the insurance company will have conditions on the policy. Even if it's the company who owns it.

Steph998

Sue.....thanks for your concern....yes, we have buildings insurance. We paid for this; the two lads have their own contents insurance.

Castleman

Good one cutting the strings...let him grow up without his mother interfering. 17/18 is old enough to die for your country, at least let him live his own way!

He'll grow out of it. And if he doesn't, well, his problem not yours!

LittleMissRolo

Steph998 wrote: »

Hi all

Me again....maybe I should have put this on my previous thread about student son....but actually, I would love to have input from parents of teens of any age, so I thought I would start a new one.

Having taken advice about what to do and what not to do for my 17 year old son (18 on Saturday) who lives in his own student flat, I have taken a major step back, and although I still speak to him most days, I have not gone round to his flat for almost two weeks.

Last night OH and I dropped in without announcement to give him part of his birthday pressie.

Oh. My. GOD.

I have never seen anything like it. We could honestly hardly open the front door, utter chaos in the hallway..... knotted, leaking rubbish bags everywhere, weeks worth of post lying all over the carpet, opened and unopened, crusty dried up plates all over the living room floor, half eaten ginger cake and muffins everywhere, empty milk cartons, yogurt pots....beer bottles everywhere, clothes all over the place, kitchen was just indescribable (and I couldn't even bring myself to look in the bathroom)

Obviously - although I did not look - laundry had not been done in ages or bed changed etc.

I have heard the expression 'like a bomb went off', but this is the first time I have really seen what that means.

DS was sitting in the middle of this chaos - on the only clear space on the sofa - quite unpeturbed, and did his usual eyes to the ceiling when I came in and my voice rose about three octaves from the front door to the living room. OH just stood there in complete shock. (He still looks a bit dazed today actually.)

DS was never brought up to be like this. AND, he shares the flat with another student, who was not in last night but his evidence was everywhere too.

Is this healthy?? Is it normal??

OH says we should make DS and flatmate pay for a cleaner. But as DS struggles on his student finances, I doubt this would be feasable..

Honestly - please tell me honestly what you would do, as a Mum who recognises the faults in their child, and realises that they are just never going to change. I don't want to wipe his bum for the rest of his life, and I know he has to learn. But I hate to see him living like this! It just flies in the face of everything I feel as a mother. Would YOU be happy about this? Would you go round there and clean, or would you really just let them live in their own filth?

Let him learn on his own. As hard as it is to resist mothering him im afraid you'll have to step back on this one. When he doesn't have a gf, and no one wants to hang out in his room because of the smell of rotten food and dirty underwear he'll feel dirty and will want to change the way he lives himself

mykitten

Steph998 wrote: »

Not disputed! But he is newly 18, .

remove the emotional baggage - he is old enough to vote, get drunk, watch !!!!!!, get married, get shot but cannot lift up a bin bag! Stop mothering him - get him to clean up his own mess. Cut the apron strings now - he is over 16 time for him to grow up.

Read him the riot act, be cruel to be kind in the long run. Failing that - get some better tenants in!