Just how normal IS this revolting teenage mess?

Steph998

Hi all

Me again....maybe I should have put this on my previous thread about student son....but actually, I would love to have input from parents of teens of any age, so I thought I would start a new one.

Having taken advice about what to do and what not to do for my 17 year old son (18 on Saturday) who lives in his own student flat, I have taken a major step back, and although I still speak to him most days, I have not gone round to his flat for almost two weeks.

Last night OH and I dropped in without announcement to give him part of his birthday pressie.

Oh. My. GOD.

I have never seen anything like it. We could honestly hardly open the front door, utter chaos in the hallway..... knotted, leaking rubbish bags everywhere, weeks worth of post lying all over the carpet, opened and unopened, crusty dried up plates all over the living room floor, half eaten ginger cake and muffins everywhere, empty milk cartons, yogurt pots....beer bottles everywhere, clothes all over the place, kitchen was just indescribable (and I couldn't even bring myself to look in the bathroom)

Obviously - although I did not look - laundry had not been done in ages or bed changed etc.

I have heard the expression 'like a bomb went off', but this is the first time I have really seen what that means.

DS was sitting in the middle of this chaos - on the only clear space on the sofa - quite unpeturbed, and did his usual eyes to the ceiling when I came in and my voice rose about three octaves from the front door to the living room. OH just stood there in complete shock. (He still looks a bit dazed today actually.)

DS was never brought up to be like this. AND, he shares the flat with another student, who was not in last night but his evidence was everywhere too.

Is this healthy?? Is it normal??

OH says we should make DS and flatmate pay for a cleaner. But as DS struggles on his student finances, I doubt this would be feasable..

Honestly - please tell me honestly what you would do, as a Mum who recognises the faults in their child, and realises that they are just never going to change. I don't want to wipe his bum for the rest of his life, and I know he has to learn. But I hate to see him living like this! It just flies in the face of everything I feel as a mother. Would YOU be happy about this? Would you go round there and clean, or would you really just let them live in their own filth?

skintchick

WHose flat is it? If it belongs to you, then kick him into gear, but if it isn;t yours then leave him to his squalour as it's the only way he will learn. He'll soon sort it out when he tries to take a girl back to such a mess!

HelzBelz

Let him clean it up himself, either he or his flatmate will at some point want to bring a girl back to their midden and if the choice is tidy the flat or not get "any" they'll start tidying up.

choccyface2006

My 16 year olds bedroom is the same and I too despair.

Part of me feels she can bloomin' well clean it up her self or live like that if thats how she like it but the other half of me takes over and I end up sorting it out and making it pristine for her, always on the understanding that it never gets like that again, but of course it does. It makes me so angry as I am a very clean and tidy person.

Now because I am at work on Wednesday and she has a day off from college I leave a list of jobs reguarding her bedroom for her to do and she does it although not as well as I would!

Obviously this is no good for you, but maybe you could tell him he needs to get a cleaner in, the thought of paying for that and having someone in his flat may shame him into action?

Sarah x

sooz

I guess it's totally normal, having seen male friends student houses.
What they need are girlfriends, not cleaners.

Not so that the girlfriends clean up for them, in order to get a girl, & have a s*x life at their bachelor pad, they need to tidy up, or they will stay single & lonely!

Helz beat me to it....

or - take a pic of their chaos, & post it on their facebook page. Get their friends to shame them into tidying.

GreyPilgrim

His 'own' student flat?

I'm assuming you mean it's rented from a landlord...(unless student finances have improved a bit since my day )

If the landlord comes around and finds the place in such I tip I think he would be less than pleased...have you suggested to your son that he could find himself homeless and minus his deposit?




On this plus side, it does sound completely normal for a teenage student. I found a pair of pants on top of the wardrobe that were green with mould when I cleared out my student digs.

GreyPilgrim

choccyface2006 wrote: »

My 16 year olds bedroom is the same and I too despair.

Part of me feels she can bloomin' well clean it up her self or live like that if thats how she like it but the other half of me takes over and I end up sorting it out and making it pristine for her, always on the understanding that it never gets like that again, but of course it does.

You are not alone...

Steph998

choccyface2006 wrote: »

Part of me feels she can bloomin' well clean it up her self or live like that if thats how she like it but the other half of me takes over and I end up sorting it out and making it pristine for her, always on the understanding that it never gets like that again, but of course it does.
Sarah x[/quote

That's it, in a nutshell! I was the same when DS lived at home...we had Saturday mornings when he was not allowed to move from the house, football etc until the place was tidy.

We had rules about no food and drink in the bedroom which were ignored, he had to hoover, dust and change his bed when it needed it, always with me standing over him, and him with a face like a wet weekend. Honestly, the incredulous looks he used to give me when I asked him to take a glass back from his room and wash it. It was like I had just asked him to clean the whole house with a toothbrush, naked.

Of course, I still did exactly what you describe above and went in to make it nice for him again, because his efforts were never good enough. :rolleyes:

He just was not born to to be tidy; he never volunteered to do anything in the house, it was always with a grudge. Why I ever thought it would be any different when he moved out is beyond me. Like he would suddenly 'mature' because he had been given the keys to his own flat.

How can they live like that?

seven-day-weekend

Quite normal. My son and his lodger in my UK house spend a week cleaning up when we are due for a visit! And they are in their late 20s!:eek:

My son has been a stack better since he got a girlfriend 18 months ago (although she's almost as bad as they are).:rotfl:

Let him live in his squalor.

Steph998

GreyPilgrim wrote: »

His 'own' student flat? )

Grey, I'm afraid there is a whole other thread devoted to this floating around somewhere on MSE. I don't want to bore anyone with it again...basically DS is OH step son, and they do not get on. We thought about Halls for uni, but far too expensive. We are in the fortunate position to have been able to buy a flat (investment too) and he lives there rent free, F/M pays rent.

So I'm the Landlord. :cool:

Furpurse

Reminds me of myself 15 years ago There were 4 lads and 1 girl. The girl couldnt take anymore mess after a month and left.
No amount of words from my parents would have made me any different. I had to learn myself. A student house is there to be wrecked. You only learn when you lose your deposit or when you bring a girl back

Leave him to it. At least he aint up to anything illegal (well probably not much anyway)

I am still friends with 2 of my previous housemates and they have the tidiest places I have ever seen.