Just how normal IS this revolting teenage mess?

Rikki

*Louise* wrote: »

I thought a lot of students have the place in a tip?


You know...because of all the time they spend *cough* studying, they don't have time to clean


As for going round every week and cleaning up after him - yeah RIGHT!! Let go the apron strings (I mean that in the nicest possible way) and let him get on with his own life. He won't learn to clean if you keep tidying up after him. Let him suffer the consequences.;)

Think of it in another way...when he settles down in the future, if you have always cleaned up after him he will expect his partner/wife to do the same thing. By all means go round there and chivvy him along, but he has to learn to look after himself and the property he lives in.

In Stephs defense she doesn't go round to clean the flat, its to collect the rent from her sons flat mate. The mess is what she has discovered on her last visit and was asking what we think and what would we do.

Mutter_2

Rikki wrote: »

In Stephs defense she doesn't go round to clean the flat, its to collect the rent from her sons flat mate. The mess is what she has discovered on her last visit and was asking what we think and what would we do.

Actually I think Steph goes round on the pretext of collecting rent but really to see her son.

She misses him that's obvious but a direct debit should be set up and then let them get on with it. It also solves the friend handing over money when the son doesn't have to.

All this visiting just prolongs the agony. It will be painfull at first, I found it so, but I told myself as she was growing up. "She is not yours to own. You have been loaned her for a short while to make the best of it that you can"
Then you have to let go but always be available if needed.

Rikki

Mutter wrote: »

Actually I think Steph goes round on the pretext of collecting rent but really to see her son.

She misses him that's obvious but a direct debit should be set up and then let them get on with it. It also solves the friend handing over money when the son doesn't have to.

All this visiting just prolongs the agony. It will be painfull at first, I found it so, but I told myself as she was growing up. "She is not yours to own. You have been loaned her for a short while to make the best of it that you can"
Then you have to let go but always be available if needed.

I agree too. My son is in his second year at uni in a student house and thankfully for me we have a good relationship but as a son I know one day he will belong to another women and I only hope I have taught him well and our friendship will never end.

swiss69

Kids are just a non stop worry from the day they are born until the day you die. My mum says she still worries about me now and I'm 40! I worry about mine endlessly.

Based on this WHY DO WE HAVE EM? They are ok from about 4-7 in my opinion. The rest is hard work! We must be mad!;)

Puzzledbubbles

Hi,

I think you should just leave him to it, if he hates cleaning then he will just see you as being a nag if you tell him to do it, eventually they will get off their own back sides and do it themselves.

Failing that you could suggest that a relative (normally a loving but strickt old aunt) calls around to drop off his christmas presents or some such event that might make him clean up.

Maybe you could go for the whole reverse psychology and next time you go over take your own rubbish with you, or eat a choc bar or bag of crisps and just chuck the packet on the floor, making your own mes is fine, when other people make a mess its annoying. So maybe if you treat the house with the same amount of respect that he does then maybe his standards will rise.

if all that fails then give him vouchers for christmas - things like one afternoon of cleaning and then when he wants you to clean he can use his vouchers, if these were instead of a nice shiney present then he might appreciate you a bit more.

I hope this helps, it sounds like he is just being a smelly boy for a bit finding his own place in the world, if he is concentrating on uni, to be honest cleaning is probably the last thing on his mind

xx

Mutter_2

Rikki wrote: »

I agree too. My son is in his second year at uni in a student house and thankfully for me we have a good relationship but as a son I know one day he will belong to another women and I only hope I have taught him well and our friendship will never end.

Will you stop it. I'm all choked up now.

Mutter_2

Puzzledbubbles sugested "Maybe you could go for the whole reverse psychology and next time you go over take your own rubbish with you, or eat a choc bar or bag of crisps and just chuck the packet on the floor, making your own mes is fine, when other people make a mess its annoying."

Do you think bubbles, that wiping your feet on the way out may be a little too subtle for students?

callow

I don't know the set up of your flat, but you find yourself with complaints from the management company.

I rented a flat for a while and downstairs were two girls who partied all night, every night and left their stinking rubbish out on the landing (rather than take it down to the bin area). Complaints from the other tenants of the flats led to letters to their landlord and their eventual eviction (as they didn't mend their ways).

Steph998

Well, OH did go round tonight. The place, while not exactly spic and span, was much improved - rubbish had been taken out, old food and beer bottles binned. He said the bedroom door was shut, but the shared areas looked OK. Someone had even cleared out the totally revolting fag end tin that sits at the back door, so I think maybe we did make a bit of an impression last night. OH said he had a wee talk with him, and Dan said that this is what usually happens...it gets totally to the point where even THEY cant stand it, so they have a bit of a blitz. We just went round on the wrong night.

OH seems a bit happier with the situation. He hasn't really been round there much since Dan moved in, and he got a real shock last night. I'm not sure if his surprise visits will continue....but at least it sort of showed he is interested in Dan...even if he just turned up to check up on him. I think they both cleared the air a little.

Thanks all...yet again.

sooz

Steph998 wrote: »

Oh come on....we're also his parents! This is not a typical let, with neither party being involved, not to mention related.

I may be horrified at the mess, and want to help him to help himself...but I am not about to start sending my own son letters.....

Steph, I didn't read any of your other posts, so had no idea about the history.
You are still his mum, but you are their LL. I guess you didn't set up any ground rules, or give them both proper written contract, or you wouldn't think that writing to THEM, as your tenants, was that odd.

As his mum, you can tell him to his face that he's a slovenly little '......', who won't get a girlfriend whilst he doesn't wash his pants or change his sheets.

As their LL, you should write to them both, giving notice of a proper inspection (by a third party if you can't do it) to inspect your property. Not just their tidiness (or lack of) but the gutters, exterior, windows, roof, garden, silicone seal around the bath etc.. You could also point out that rubbish left festering will attract vermin, as will leaving food/large amounts of washing up out, & potentially has a detrimental effect on the neighbours & the fabric of the building. As their LL you have to ignore their dirty pants & sheets , that's not your business.

It also might be an idea if he did pay the same rent as his flatmate, even if you gave this same amount to him as an allowance, so that he understands that you are continuing to support him as his mum, whilst being a LL to both of them - although this may cause more tax problems than it's worth!