A not so happy relationship

Staciep88

thanks for replies. i slept better than i thought, but now im up the pain has kicked in again, he text me lastnight, he admited he needs anger management and he says he is going to get help. family have been good, im a little worried about OH as all my male family members want to knock him out...and my sister:eek: Im annoyed with myself cuz I just want to give him a hug and make sure he's O.K. I've never really been in this breakup situation so im finding it a little hard

shellsuit

Don't feel annoyed with yourself, you obviously do still care for him, probably still love him but you can't switch your feelings off now that you're not together.

He will be fine, it's you, you should be concentrating on xx

Stephb1986_2

:bdaycake: Congratulations!!!

This is day 1 of your life!!

You have to do it day by day atleast you have taken the first step!!

You have done the right thing!

You deserve to be happy!!

You can give him a hug aslong as its round his throat!!!! :rolleyes:

I suggest you change your number so he can no longer contact you because this will only make it harder for you. Delete all his numbers so if you have a moment of madness you cant contact him

Well done!!

Steph xx

UKTigerlily

I am so glad you've done the right thing & left this lowlife. It's natural to miss him & to want to be sure he's ok but it's true that time is a great healer. When I was 19/20 (I'm now almost 30) I lived with a guy, we'd been together when I was 14/15/16 & he'd been fine, split up & got back together, moved in together & he almost killed me. If i'd stayed he probably would've. I won't post what he did but you have definitely made the right decision & i'm glad you have family to support you & didn't have kids with him. Even now i'm glad the ex & I hadn't had kids as they'd have me still tied to him now.

sandraroffey

well done you. have just found and read through this thread.i lived with a controlling bully for 37 years!!! all our married life i woke up every day and thought that today would be different, TODAY he would change, TODAY he would be normal. take it from me, they dont ever cHange. even with the courses and the counseling, they dont every change. i finally called a halt when he tried to kill me, my sister, two of my children and a friend. one night i finally stoOd up to him and meant it, and he didnt know what to do with himself. so he threw gunpowder all around the lounge, then was trying to find matches to light it!! when my sister called the police he waved a shotgun in her face.

i spent the best part of my life waiting for him to change. he continually promised he would change, but they dont. NO - they cant!!!! the kids had an awful time and i kept staying there because of the kids and because of money - i really thought that i wouldnt be able to manage on my own. then it suddenly hit me that i had been managing on my own for years!!!

staying with men like that give them license to carry on with that behaviour. if it was that bad you would go wouldnt you? that was his argument and really believed that. then of course they blame everything on you. everything that ever happens from swamp fever to berri berri, is your fault.

its a serious mental condition (probably a personality disorder) that they shift blame and can justify every one of their actions .believe me they are dangerous people.

please change your phone number, anger management rarely works on blokes like this and please please dont go back. he sees you as being someone he can manipulate. if he shouts, hollers, hits and starts chucking stuff around, you will agree to what ever he says, just to make him stop!! been there done that!!! ITS CALLED BEING A CONTROL FREAK AND A BULLY OF THE WORSE KIND. WOULD HE DO THAT TO ANOTHER BLOKE?? COURSE HE WOULDNT!!

you are very young, probably not very street wise and he sees you as an easy target. please listen to what people on here are saying to you, they/we have all been through it, many of us for a lot of years and believe us when we say it wont go away until you leave and have nothing further to do with him. the next thing will be anger (from him) because you have made a decision on your own and gone against him. How dare YOU leave HIM?? dont let this happen. just call the police and let them deal with it.

all the luck in world and keep us up to speed with how you are getting on. much lovexxxx

Zazen999

Staciep88 wrote: »

thanks for replies. i slept better than i thought, but now im up the pain has kicked in again, he text me lastnight, he admited he needs anger management and he says he is going to get help. family have been good, im a little worried about OH as all my male family members want to knock him out...and my sister:eek: Im annoyed with myself cuz I just want to give him a hug and make sure he's O.K. I've never really been in this breakup situation so im finding it a little hard

Hiya

Saying he needs anger management is just the next phase to get you to feel sorry for him.

The first breakup is always the worst which is why people avoid it - but it's done now.

Your family are different, and you can see why - they WANT to knock him out but haven't - this is because they know violence is wrong.

wannabe_sybil

You will now get a lot of calls and texts saying how much he loves you, how much he misses you and how he has changed.

He worked out where to hit you so the bruises didn't show.

He will say anything to regain control. He will promise anything to regain control.

Then he will hit you where the bruises don't show. And escalate.

You have removed yourself from him. He will not immediately see it as the end. It could get very upsetting. Just remember how you felt when you did get away. And please keep re-reading this thread.

sandraroffey

that last post is so right!! he WILL promise you the world, just to get you back. 'lets have a baby' is the favourite one. trust me, it wont stop!!!!!! he has a serious problem and anger management wont even touch it. it sounds as though he has a serious personality disorder. look up personality disorders on the net and read them. all of them. you will have the shock of your life!!! and i bet you anything that he is a textbook case. he will do loads of things to make you feel sorry for him.putting themsleves in dangerous situations deliberately is another one. or hurting themselves deliberately is another.all to make you feel bad and beat yourself up about it.

this is all about being in control and now you have taken his control away. he will find it quite difficult to function and his behaviour will now become worse. and possible quite bizarre, then he will move onto making threats thenit will be remorse, then guilt, then anger again, and so on. until he finds someone else to control.

dont let it happen.and yes, please keep reading this thread.xxxx

xxlaurissaxx

Well Done xx

Uniscots97

Hi Stacie, well done. I'm glad you're safe. As I said before to you I didn't want you repeating my mistakes I made with my awful ex. Yes he's going to be nice to you and when that doesn't get a response he'll be nasty, I told you in my pm's it happened to me. Stick in there, you're safe, go out and enjoy your life. x