A not so happy relationship

Zazen999

Alternatively, he will be good - for a few years. Then, once you have a house in both names, a baby on the way or are married [things that link you quite heavily] then it will ALL come out.

ETA: if his own sister is telling you to go...doesn't that say it all?

I think I've said all I can so I'll stop posting now - I just hope it all goes well for you.

Staciep88

Yeah I have started making excuses again reading back over them....

I need some time to think

Loretta

Staciep88 wrote: »

There wont be the option of 'they will b there when i leave him' they will take me away from him, and yeah OK thats good but then I wont have left him by myself and then he'll just be thinking what he does now abour me 'running to my parents' I do not want this to happen - I want to leave him by myself with that satisfaction.

Why are you worried about what he thinks? once you've gone you're gone and will never have to see or speak to him again.

Millie's_Mum

Why did his dad think he had hit you that time?

Thats not a normal thing to think, has he done this before to someone else?

madrhino

Hi

I haven't read all the posts so I don't know if anyones said what I'm going to say.

He has his debt in your name. This is a form of control. He thinks you won't leave him whilst he owes so much money. When the debt is paid off he will find another reason why you can't leave him. It's all about controlling you and keeping you with him. I have had friends where exes owe them money, and they feel that they have to be nice to the ex otherwise they won't get their money back. They didn't get their money back anyway.

You want him to go back to the nice guy he was when you first got together. He was always this nasty guy, he just keeps it well hidden from people and the longer he's been with you the more he's shown his true colours. The violence and control WILL get worse. He will keep pushing to see how far he can take it. At the same time your self confidence and self esteem will ebb away until you believe that you need him and can't do any better.

You need to end it now, whilst you are still able to see that what he is doing is wrong, even at this early stage you're doubting whether you provoked him. He is also trying to seperate you from your family, which would put you totally under his control. I bet he tries to stop you seeing friends as well.

There is NO excuse for being violent towards you. Get out now, whilst you still have some self confidence and you have a family support network. Whatever you do don't start a family with him.

Hope it all works out for you

Staciep88

Millie's_Mum wrote: »

Why did his dad think he had hit you that time?

Thats not a normal thing to think, has he done this before to someone else?

I dont know - he ex was 'the one' has her name on his arm (well its blacked out now) so i cant see him hitting her - but saying that - i have no idea to why she left him if they were so happy. His dad thought it cuz he heard a bang outside and I came in crying - but that bang was me pushing him against the van - oops!

r.mac_2

I don't know what to say to your christmas comments re: presents/and your birthday/being alone....No actually I do..... (I dn't mean to sound harsh but you really are scrabbling for excuses now!)

I would rather be safe, without presents and material stuff than be scared stiff of whether I was going to upset your OH or not. I certainly wouldn't want festive memories tinged by his actions. He certainly doesn't deserve happy family memories this festive season as the way treats you is disgraceful (and against the law by the way!)

You worry about being alone - as far as I can see your family wouldn't let you sit on your own on your birthday and christmas. No-one is saying it won't feel a bit strange and I can totally understnad why you would even miss your OH over the festive period, but after Christmas it'll be easter, summer holidays, his birthday, the queen dying, etc etc etc.

If it were me posting your posts - what would you advise me to do - honestly......

Staciep88

r.mac - i can answer that easily - I would tell you to leave right now. And I hate the fact that I know that everyone is right and I agree but I cannot do it. I am confident that the next sign of it I will be gone. And I know that it could be too late - but.. oh i dunno, like i said, i need time to think

Uniscots97

Staciep88 wrote: »

All the Christmas presents are already bought and its my birthday christmas day aswell, I no how pathetic that sounds but i dont wanna be on my own :-( We wont be at his over the Christmas Period either. Sorry but I cannot just leave now, I told him one more chance and thats what he's got, I've told my mum to expect me home.

You won't be on your own, you'll be with your family, you can go out drinking with your pals get all dolled up and have a laugh without worry of whats coming later. Freedom is priceless.

Uniscots97

Staciep88 wrote: »

r.mac - i can answer that easily - I would tell you to leave right now. And I hate the fact that I know that everyone is right and I agree but I cannot do it. I am confident that the next sign of it I will be gone. And I know that it could be too late - but.. oh i dunno, like i said, i need time to think

Stacie read my pm's. Please I've been through this, I know what its like. Don't make the same mistakes I did.