A not so happy relationship

Primrose

Please tell your parents now. At least if they end up having to identify your broken body in a morgue, there will be some evidence as to what has been happening.
Sounds harsh? Ask the parents/relatives/friends who have already found themselves doing this in the past, too late to be of help.

Staciep88

calculatethis wrote: »

Hi stacie.

Sorry to be thick but what is the advantage of staying with him for a few months more? Are you hoping that by moving to his parents you will get your money back quicker, then leave him?

Do you still love him?

2 Nights ago when we had a fight I told him the next time he does it, I'm going, so I dont wanna just go now becoz I'm not giving him a chance to prove himself - OK so odds are - he wont change - but like I said, I dont wanna just go and spend forever thinking what if. No its nothing to do with the money - I wont get that quicker anyway. Yeah, course I love him, you cant just switch ur feelings off

Zazen999

Staciep88 wrote: »

There wont be the option of 'they will b there when i leave him' they will take me away from him, and yeah OK thats good but then I wont have left him by myself and then he'll just be thinking what he does now abour me 'running to my parents' I do not want this to happen - I want to leave him by myself with that satisfaction.

Hi Stacey

One of the many courses that I've been on over the years gave really good in depth knowledge of things called 'sorting categories' ie the things that each of us value - and we all value different things that's for sure.

it helps when managing staff as some value money [so are happy with pay rises] some value time [so prefer time off rather than a pay rise], some value holidays and travel [so really appreciate short term planning against long term rules on arranging leave] etc. Which sorting categories are really important to you - and how are they affecting your decision making process in relation to your future?

I can see from your posts that you would rather leave on your own rather than run to your parents, but is it just pride that is stopping you? Seriously, what will you lose if you call it a day now? I am with Calculatethis - I just don't see what you will achieve if you actually move in with his parents...from the post above, you would see your parents as taking HIM away from YOU.

Can you please just ask yourself what 'leaving him by myself' really means...and why this is important for you? If it is because he will jibe you on running back to your parents - then until you end it he's won. If you are really concerned with this issue; then he is still winning as he has played with your mind and you are a pawn in his game. Why are you scared of him saying this to you? Do you really care what he thinks any more?

Uniscots97

No you can't switch your feelings off but if you're determined to give him a chance will you do me one favour please?

If he even calls you names, ridicules or belittles you go then. It'll just be his way of testing you to see if you really meant it and how much he can get away with.

solongmarianne

Staciep88 wrote: »

2 Nights ago when we had a fight I told him the next time he does it, I'm going, so I dont wanna just go now becoz I'm not giving him a chance to prove himself - OK so odds are - he wont change - but like I said, I dont wanna just go and spend forever thinking what if. No its nothing to do with the money - I wont get that quicker anyway. Yeah, course I love him, you cant just switch ur feelings off

the next time he does it you may not have the option to decide enough is eenough, you will be dead.
I do not mean to soud harsh or to scare you , unfortunatly , this is the reality of things. xx

Staciep88

unixgirluk wrote: »

No you can't switch your feelings off but if you're determined to give him a chance will you do me one favour please?

If he even calls you names, ridicules or belittles you go then. It'll just be his way of testing you to see if you really meant it and how much he can get away with.

I swear, right here and right now, one more name, push, anything, then im gone.

xxlaurissaxx

Sorry to be blunt and harsh but are you serious? Your the same age as me and i would not be holding on and putting up with the c**p he is doing to you. You are still very young, with a supportive family. Whats holding you back apart from feelings????? You dont have kids, or a mortgage so you can walk away. Im not saying it wont be hard but seriously your 20 been with the guy a few years. Its not like you have been together 20 years or married?

Seriously ask yourself what is holding you back??????????????

Sorry if im repeating myself but you need to get a grip of your life and take control. Walk out, stay at your mums and go and see your mtes. You'll look back at this and laugh and wonder what took you so long.
Theres plenty more fish in the sea who are decent and not a control freak or abusive.

xx

calculatethis

Stacie, I am not being critical, I know exactly how you feel.

If you feel like you have to give him one more chance, then that is your choice, I totally understand how difficult it is to switch off your feelings, you are not a robot!

You must be feeling very confused at the moment. What concerns me is that this seems to be escalating very quickly. If you are arguing all the time then things could come to a head. He is probably feeling a little helpless at the moment as he is losing control. The fact that he went and sat outside the house, then came back again proves this.

Actually you have the stronger position here so remember that when he is putting you down: he is living in a house that your family own, so he cant make you homeless, you have family and friends who will support you and it sounds like you would get support from his family too.

If I were you I would have an escape plan ready though; get together any important documents like passport etc and get anything you care about out of the house, like photos etc.

Edinburghlass_2

Staciep88 wrote: »

I dunno, just something that I never expected to be telling them. I will tell them when we have split. I just dont no what they would do if they found out.

They'll be equally angry no matter when you tell them, do you really want to head towards Christmas in this relationship and living with his parents? I really can't understand why you are still there and spending your day making excuses for not going.

I'm a mother of an 18 year old, pack your stuff and go home and let your family sort out getting him our of their house.

solongmarianne

Staciep88 wrote: »

I swear, right here and right now, one more name, push, anything, then im gone.

someone very very dear to me kept saying this, and now they are gone , I visit the grave regularly . I am crying at my desk here for you.

there is a whole lifetime of experiences out there , we all deserve so so much more, dont let yours be cut short because of pride,or stubbourness or fear xx