A not so happy relationship

Justwed08

I wanted to cry when I read that this bully had turned on the tears and you relented and didnt throw him out. I know it is hard and you are young but I cannot tell you how many times I was in that same situation with my ex crying telling me how sorry he was and how much he loved me and that he would change etc etc. I also recognise that part of you does love him and wants to believe him and that is why you didn't throw him out.

The pushing and shoving and hitting you where it doesn't show will escalate and soon you will be telling people you walked into the door, fell down the stairs, using make up to hide the bruises and God forbid telling the doctors in Casulty that your broken arm and ribs are a because you tripped over even though they can see the bruises in the shape of a handprint on your body.

Please read this poem - dont let it be you.

I Got Flowers Today

By Paulette Kelly

I got flowers today. It wasn't my birthday or any other special day. We had our first argument last night, and he said a lot of cruel things that really hurt me. I know he is sorry and didn't mean the things he said, because he sent me flowers today.I got flowers today. It wasn't our anniversary or any other special day. Last night he threw me into a wall and started to choke me. It seemed like a nightmare, I couldn't believe it was real. I woke this morning sore and bruised all over. I know he must be sorry because he sent me flowers.I got flowers today, and it wasn't mother's day or any other special day. Last night, he beat me up again, it was much worse than all the other times. If I leave him what will I do? How will I take care of my kids? What about money? I am afraid of him and scared to leave. But I know he must be sorry because he set me flowers today.I got flowers today. Today was a very special day, it was the day of my funeral. Last night he finally killed me. He beat me to death. If only I had gathered enough courage to leave him I would not have gotten flowers today.

Staciep88

hocuspocus22 wrote: »

Can I just ask what is stopping you from telling your parents? xxx

I dunno, just something that I never expected to be telling them. I will tell them when we have split. I just dont no what they would do if they found out.

Staciep88

Justwed08 wrote: »

I wanted to cry when I read that this bully had turned on the tears and you relented and didnt throw him out. I know it is hard and you are young but I cannot tell you how many times I was in that same situation with my ex crying telling me how sorry he was and how much he loved me and that he would change etc etc. I also recognise that part of you does love him and wants to believe him and that is why you didn't throw him out.

The pushing and shoving and hitting you where it doesn't show will escalate and soon you will be telling people you walked into the door, fell down the stairs, using make up to hide the bruises and God forbid telling the doctors in Casulty that your broken arm and ribs are a because you tripped over even though they can see the bruises in the shape of a handprint on your body.

Please read this poem - dont let it be you.

I Got Flowers Today

By Paulette Kelly

I got flowers today. It wasn't my birthday or any other special day. We had our first argument last night, and he said a lot of cruel things that really hurt me. I know he is sorry and didn't mean the things he said, because he sent me flowers today.I got flowers today. It wasn't our anniversary or any other special day. Last night he threw me into a wall and started to choke me. It seemed like a nightmare, I couldn't believe it was real. I woke this morning sore and bruised all over. I know he must be sorry because he sent me flowers.I got flowers today, and it wasn't mother's day or any other special day. Last night, he beat me up again, it was much worse than all the other times. If I leave him what will I do? How will I take care of my kids? What about money? I am afraid of him and scared to leave. But I know he must be sorry because he set me flowers today.I got flowers today. Today was a very special day, it was the day of my funeral. Last night he finally killed me. He beat me to death. If only I had gathered enough courage to leave him I would not have gotten flowers today.

Thank you for that - I have saved that poem to my computer. I guess when you are in this position you don't think it will get that bad. I was taken in by the fact he was crying - there was nothing I could to get him to leave - he's alot bigger and stronger than me. He knows he is on the last chance now. And I no that I wont think twice about doing it

Justwed08

I can't post long replies as I'm actually at work but if he wont leave you then leave him take your belongings to your Mums. He will come round and you may have to take an injunction out but once you get him out of your life you will feel so much better. Just don't give him a third, chance StacieP it is better that you leave him crying than letting your Mum and Dad cry over your broken body in a hospital bed as mine ended up doing.

r.mac_2

Justwed08 wrote: »

I Got Flowers Today

By Paulette Kelly

I got flowers today. It wasn't my birthday or any other special day. We had our first argument last night, and he said a lot of cruel things that really hurt me. I know he is sorry and didn't mean the things he said, because he sent me flowers today.I got flowers today. It wasn't our anniversary or any other special day. Last night he threw me into a wall and started to choke me. It seemed like a nightmare, I couldn't believe it was real. I woke this morning sore and bruised all over. I know he must be sorry because he sent me flowers.I got flowers today, and it wasn't mother's day or any other special day. Last night, he beat me up again, it was much worse than all the other times. If I leave him what will I do? How will I take care of my kids? What about money? I am afraid of him and scared to leave. But I know he must be sorry because he set me flowers today.I got flowers today. Today was a very special day, it was the day of my funeral. Last night he finally killed me. He beat me to death. If only I had gathered enough courage to leave him I would not have gotten flowers today.

This made me cry - thank you for posting x

Zazen999

Staciep88 wrote: »

I was taken in by the fact he was crying - there was nothing I could to get him to leave - he's alot bigger and stronger than me. He knows he is on the last chance now. And I no that I wont think twice about doing it

Yup, they cry because it appeals to your better nature. I can assure you he won't be thinking 'I'm on my last chance now'...he will be thinking 'how can I get back at her next time' and planning what to do next. This is usually the point when it escalates - as you've been brave once and he needs to make sure you don't do it again.

solongmarianne

Staciep88 wrote: »

I dunno, just something that I never expected to be telling them. I will tell them when we have split. I just dont no what they would do if they found out.[/quote)

I expect they would want to protect you, if you tell them now they can help you if you decide you want to leave your partner, its so much easier when people know and are able to help, it will make you feel stronger. xx

Staciep88

There wont be the option of 'they will b there when i leave him' they will take me away from him, and yeah OK thats good but then I wont have left him by myself and then he'll just be thinking what he does now abour me 'running to my parents' I do not want this to happen - I want to leave him by myself with that satisfaction.

calculatethis

Hi stacie.

Sorry to be thick but what is the advantage of staying with him for a few months more? Are you hoping that by moving to his parents you will get your money back quicker, then leave him?

Do you still love him?

Uniscots97

Staciep88 wrote: »

There wont be the option of 'they will b there when i leave him' they will take me away from him, and yeah OK thats good but then I wont have left him by myself and then he'll just be thinking what he does now abour me 'running to my parents' I do not want this to happen - I want to leave him by myself with that satisfaction.

Does it really matter what he thinks? You're not running to your parents" as he puts it, you're being sensible and seeking help. Do you know why he puts it like that i.e. "running to your parents"? Its to make you sound and feel pathetic and weak without him, that you can't do anything for yourself. Yep, been there too. There's nothing 'weak' about telling your parents and yes you'd STILL be leaving him. Its never weak to admit you need support from friends or family.

As for what Zazen999 said about him looking to get you back for your show of courage, I know that for fact is true. For me, my ex waited weeks to get me back and didn't physically hurt me but I thought at the time I wasn't coming through that one (if you want the story please PM me). The poem about the flowers is very apt because its so true. Don't put yourself in the position where he can hurt you physically or mentally again.

Remember what I said before, there's strength in numbers and there's no weakness saying to your parents whats going on. So they get you out of there. He's lost, you're safe, you've left him. Thats all that matters.

I suppose I and a lot of other women on here are the lucky ones, we came through it. We just don't want you to be one of the ones that doesn't make it.