what do your husbands/oh's give for housekeeping

Lunar_Eclipse

Hmm, it's a bit odd that you appear to be paying for many household expenses when presumably your DH is the breadwinner. This situation is shouting 'control' issues to me.

We have a joint bank account and have had completely joint finances since we first moved in together. I am currently not earning, but have the same monthly discretionary spending money (pocket money) as hubbie. Everything else he essentially pays for. Thankfully he is a very generous person.

I do have 3 non working friends who are given monthly housekeeping of £3000/month. This pays for everything relating to the house/Mum/kids (food, activities, clothes, gifts, petrol, Dentist, hairdresser & presumably mortgage etc) It's more than we spend, but I thought I'd share since you asked.

Mojisola

rosie-marie wrote: »

However, if you have seperate finances (which isn't unusual) expenses should be 50/50 split - suggest having a jar where you both put X amount at the beginning of the month and then each top up as it runs out.

It's not fair when the two people involve earn such different amounts. If you can't go down the "all the money is OUR money" route, then paying a percentage of the bills which is related to the two salaries would be fairer.

In this case, though, I think it is all academic. The OP's husband is bullying her and their daughter. Sorting out the money is unlikely to change his basic nature.

Lunar_Eclipse

arthur_dent wrote: »

I get £20 a week to cover Skating, Brownies, Clothes for me and the children, food that is above shopping eg crisps and chocolate, birthday presents, Christmas presents, bus fares, basically anything that I want and the children want but don't strictly need. If someone can reply and tell me I am being ripped off then that would make my day.

You are being ripped off!

Obviously I'm joking in using that terminology, but how do you pay for all that on £20/week? Where on Earth do you live to get by on so little? Even Brownies, reknowned for being particularly economic, is about £4/week per child here, plus extras.

Christmas alone could easily eat up all of that if you have a large family and circle of friends (children) that you buy presents for.

My children have one birthday/week on average, which would account for £6-10 on the gift. Luckily we have a vast supply of wrapping paper and make home made cards. They both swim, which costs £60/month for their lessons (good but ridiculously expensive IMO.) Which probably leaves nothing after just gifts and swimming. Obviously you don't eat much chocolate!:D

Felicity

My hubby is the only earner, I am a SAHM. Everything goes into the pot and we just use it as we need to. I think marriage is about sharing and we share everything we have.

When we were first married I earned a very high wage, he half of that, I had a house with a lot of equity which I put in joint names after our wedding.

Now, I earn nothing, he earns a high salary and we share everything. When we were first married we had a bank account each as well as the joint account but we dont really use those anymore.

He has an expensive company car and I use that on a daily basis (for me and the baby) and he drives the (fairly good, but not as good as the company car) on a daily basis.

He is not as good with money as I am and I try to save and cut back on costs where I can.

I think marriage is about sharing everything.

LittleMissAspie

Our salaries go into our personal current accounts, then we have a standing order each into our joint current account for bills. We pay half each. I earn less but I think it's only fair to pay half as I am using half of everything.

I couldn't stand to have it all going into one pot and not knowing how much I'm "allowed" to put into my savings account. I couldn't stand having to check what he buys and him checking what I buy. We are one couple but everyone should be entitled to spend their hard-earned money the way they want to (after the bills are paid of course!).

yaubelle

Interesting to see how couples arrange their finances.

My husband works abroad and I am a sahm. All his wages go into his account but I control the finances. I access his account to pay all the bills etc and help myself to how ever much I want to buy what I want for myself and the kids. I have to say I make all the financial decisions. If I really want something for myself, I buy it. He never questions anything. To be honest he has no idea about what goes on in his accounts because he doesn't really seem to show any interest at all, he never checks his statements. He completely trusts me to manage things. When he is home, I carry all his bank cards and hand them over to him if he needs to use them, e.g at a restaurant. In fact he doesn't even carry any cash when we go out together!!

The bottom line is that we both want the same things in life and are working towards the same goals. OH trusts me to be sensible with money. He spends very little on himself but lets me have whatever I want. However, I don't take advantage and am careful what I spend the money on and he knows that.

I stay at home and look after the kids. He works hard, earns a good wage and never shows any resentment in being the only wage earner. As he sees it, I am doing a valid job; looking after our children and bringing them up. When the time is right I shall go out and work, more for myself than anything else because if OH continued in the line of work he's in, he'd be happy for me never to have to go out to work.

hipomad

i am sorry but do you actually talk to each other, go out either just you 2 or as a family, have fun together or anything normal.
as it sounds to me like you just live in this mans house and he treats you like a second class citizen.
its like reading a book of 1940's england where the lord of the manor takes a wife only to punish her.
i believe in "whats hes is mine and whats mine is my own" its worked for me.

miserly_mum

yaubelle wrote: »

Interesting to see how couples arrange their finances.

My husband works abroad and I am a sahm. All his wages go into his account but I control the finances. I access his account to pay all the bills etc and help myself to how ever much I want to buy what I want for myself and the kids. I have to say I make all the financial decisions. If I really want something for myself, I buy it. He never questions anything. To be honest he has no idea about what goes on in his accounts because he doesn't really seem to show any interest at all, he never checks his statements. He completely trusts me to manage things. When he is home, I carry all his bank cards and hand them over to him if he needs to use them, e.g at a restaurant. In fact he doesn't even carry any cash when we go out together!!

The bottom line is that we both want the same things in life and are working towards the same goals. OH trusts me to be sensible with money. He spends very little on himself but lets me have whatever I want. However, I don't take advantage and am careful what I spend the money on and he knows that.

I stay at home and look after the kids. He works hard, earns a good wage and never shows any resentment in being the only wage earner. As he sees it, I am doing a valid job; looking after our children and bringing them up. When the time is right I shall go out and work, more for myself than anything else because if OH continued in the line of work he's in, he'd be happy for me never to have to go out to work.

I could have written this (bar the working abroad bit)

It's nice to see it's not just us who do things that way

Also reading some of the posts from ladies on an allowance......it makes me realise how very lucky I am to have a man like my OH and how well we work together as a team.

Loretta

The posts about how people arrange their 2 salaries does not apply in this case.

Most of us earn just about enough to cover everything, if we are lucky there is a little left over. If both partners are working there is often not a big difference between the salaries so both paying an equal amount or a percentage seems a good way to go so that each person has some money of their own.

If one of you, because of having young children, are working part time this may be to bring in a little extra to make life easier or to be able to afford treats or to save towards a holiday which may not be possible with only one wage.

The OP is earning £100 a week out of which she is paying for basic stuff, the family's food, all expenses for their daughter, all family Christmas presents and paying for her own holiday, goodness knows how. Her husband is earning £60,000 a year and seems to have no debts and spends no time with their daughter or as a family man. This is not about being equal and sharing responsibilities, this is just ridiculous. This is not a marriage or a partnership

If you are short of money you have to just make do and manage as best you can - that's life but when OP is so worried and trying to make do on not nearly enough and her husband is on such a large salary even after paying the mortgage etc that is not right. This is not about money it is about control, including the not allowed in the lounge bit. I wish I could have him for a week he wouldn't know what hit him!! This is all about control and bullying. Someone mentioned that the savings are joint savings, I bet they are not! He is not saving for his family's future he is saving for himself. You don't save all that when you wife and child do not have enough to live on. I wonder if he was the same with his first wife, I know OP says she ripped him off but did she, I bet he was the same with her. How much does he pay for the other child?

OP needs to talk to him and tell him that this will not continue, he must completely change or she is off. He won't change though. If she gave up work would they all starve or would he pay? As has been suggested if she went back to work full time would he pay towards the costs of that and help out at home etc? OP should immediately stop feeding him, spend the money on your daughter and yourself and have your main meal at lunch time. I would think that the £100 a week she earns would cover her and their daughter's activities, food, clothes and maybe her car but that's it, don't struggle just run out of money, what would he do then? OP is contributing to the marriage by running the house etc. she is doing her share, it is not all about money

She should get some legal advice to see what she would be entitled to if she left just to give him a kick up the backside and let him know what happens in the real world.

This man is a bully he is not saving for the family's future

doodle82

Hi hannahsmummy

I'm in a bit of a similar situation, in that my husband and I have seperate accounts and I work part time earning slightly less than you do.

We've always kept our money seperate and each have our own things that we are responsible for paying. I earn about £110 per week (paid monthly) and i also get Tax credits and Child Benefit. Out of that I pay council tax (£120 pm) Electric (£60) Water (£30) House insurance (£15) phone and broadband (approx £40) my life insurance (£22) my mob phone bill (£24) as wel as half the food shopping (about £70 per month-what i pay not total lol this for 2 adults, 5 yr old and 18 month old). I also pay to have a babysitter for an hopur between me going to work and my husband getting in, which is about £100 per month. I also have credit card debts which I pay (£85)
my husband earns a fair bit more than I do, and he pays the mortgage, tv licence, car stuff (it's his car-i don't drive) half the food shopping as his own credit card and loan bills. I don't mind this arrangement most of the time, but i do begrudge him spending £130 a month on fags when i struggle to buy stuff the kids need-I also buy most of their clothes, and all nappies for the younger one (unless i ask him to pick some up on his way home) school trips for my older son etc etc in september i spent £60 on shoes for both of them-not very moneywise but they both have really wide feet and so can't buy them cheap shoes! He will 'loan' me money if i'm short-like the month before last he lent me £50 and i said i would pay it back when i got paid, then when i thoguht about it, i asked him if i could the month after that cos we were going on holiday so didn't want to be short for that and he got really huffy-even though he'd just been paid, and as he gets paid 4 weekly that payday wasn't needed for the mortgage etc, just diesel-it works out he gets an 'extra' payday once a year cos he's paid 13 times and the bills come out 12 times! so i paid him back, and then had to borrow it off him again, cos i was short again this month! He can be so tight sometimes, and always brings up the past when i got in trouble with my overdraft, cc etc (i do have a credit card now, but i'm up to date with payments and within my limit etc) and he won't have it-at christmas we pay for our own family's gifts etc but with the kids i've already got some bits for them, but he said we should go half on the bulk of it!!! i know they are equally my kids but he earns so much more than i do!!!!
hannahsmummy, you should try talking to him and explain how you feel, and ask him why he's being the way he's being!


sorry to ramble on but just know you are not alone!!