what do your husbands/oh's give for housekeeping

Kerriebaby

my oh owned the house before I moved in, so all the bills/ mort are in his name. I [ay £150 per month, plus I pay for the animals, and the big shop every month

miserly_mum

Becles wrote: »

We keep everything seperate as I was a single parent and my husband moved into my home.

He works full time and gives me about 1/3 of his income and uses the rest to run his car and mobile, his clothes and personal use.

I work part time and get the tax credits/child benefit. I pay for the mortgage, utility bills, insurances, food, clothes for me and the children, run my car and mobile, and anything that needs doing/replacing in the house. It's a challenge managing to pay for everything, but I'm working more hours now which has covered the rises in utilities etc. The only downside is I'm always knackered now and struggle to keep onto top of the housework :rolleyes:

First off......Becles i'm not singling you out, just using your quote as an example so please don't take it as a personal slight on you or your hubby


It makes me really sad and annoyed to read of so many ladies struggling to pay for basic household bills/kids clothes/kids hobbies etc etc. While their partners only contribute X amount of their wages and keep "personal money" back for themselves.

How can ladies in this situation look at their Partners over the breakfast table every morning and not feel resentment? Better still how do these men look at themselves in the mirror and not feel shame?

I was a single parent when OH and I met and he eventually moved in with us and we now have a little boy together.I'm a SAHM

We do have separate accounts (wages into his and Tax credits and Child Benefit into mine) but neither of us classes any income as his or hers. It's all Family money.

Every month all the regular bills (mortgage, food ,elec, car insurance bla bla)are paid. Then irregular stuff is sorted out and money is put aside.eg. a birthday or the car needs a new tyre or the me/him/kids need clothes or shoes.

Basically whatever is left over is there to spend and enjoy together. If we get a tight month where theres not much left over then everyone does without treats or whatever. But if all the essentials are paid for then it doesn't really matter.

I manage the finances purely because I have the time to do it every week as i'm not working. I bargain hunt, try to be as Moneysaving and OS as possible so that OH hard earned money stretches as far as possible and we have a very comfortable lifestyle.

We see it as a joint effort. OH works hard and is happy he doesn't have to worry bother paying bills or remembering dates for D/debits etc during his precious time off. He trusts me completely with our money and vice versa and we both value the contribution the other makes to family life.I think thats the key (for us anyway)

miserly_mum

liney wrote: »

£118 PW take home
-£10pw cars (less than actually)
-20pw shopping
-15pw Christmas and Birthdays
-15pw holidays

Leaves you £28 per week for Clothes/activitites.

To be perfectly honest your husband is paying all the essential bills instead of giving you money. Would you care to disclose how much he really is sticking into the pot each month?

Did you expect you would be able to spend your part time wages on clothes and activities when you started working? Is that why you are peeved?

Whilst your husband does sound a little obsessive from the financial point of view his parenting skills in the above thread aren't actually relevant to this complaint. The money he is saving is belongs to both of you as you are married. If you did wish to leave him, you can always use your Christmas/Holiday/Car pot, but please don't pretend you are 'potless' when you have money left over each week after spending on non-essentials while your husband takes care of all the real bills.

I think your comments are unfair.

The OP has never said actually she wanted to keep all her own wages for herself this seems to be your assumption

Also it was another Member (not the OP) who quoted her previous posts. She has no control over what someone else posts.

Also you say use the phrases "non essential" and "real" bills.

Food is an essential and very real bill especially with a child to feed. I know many of us including myself on MSE are striving to keep our Grocery bills down but £20 a week for 2 adults and a child is (in my humble opinion) very low and i'd find it difficult to maintain.

Now if they were on the breadline or had a tight month because of an unexpected outgoing such as needing a new washing machine or the car packing in then fair enough. We've all been there

But to have to do this on a regular basis even though there is plenty of money there , (albeit languishing in Hubby's bank account) then it's not how i'd like to live.

Maybe the OP should use her non essential xmas and holiday savings to supplement the grocery budget or maybe do without new clothes for her and her daughter instead?

I can sort of understand the Hubby not trusting the OP with money if she has previously been in debt. But not to contribute towards Xmas pressies, days out etc for his own child is hard for me to understand.

hannahsmummy1

Once again thank you for ALL replies. Yes i have been here before and thought we had sorted things out (well you know what thought did) I like the idea of a percentage of earnings etc. He does earn over 60K (just had another payrise) and he gets bonuses too.Maybe i am being unrealistic in expecting him to give me money. He contributes NOTHING to our daughter- i pay for the clothes on her back, the food on the table, i pay for her ballet lessons & outfits, days out in half terms/holidays i pay for, he doesnt even contribute his time to our daughter. This is the last im going to post on here as im getting upset about it. It isnt really about the money i guess, because i have been managing, but i thought marriages were about partnerships.

galvanizersbaby

hannahsmummy1 wrote: »

Once again thank you for ALL replies. Yes i have been here before and thought we had sorted things out (well you know what thought did) I like the idea of a percentage of earnings etc. He does earn over 60K (just had another payrise) and he gets bonuses too.Maybe i am being unrealistic in expecting him to give me money. He contributes NOTHING to our daughter- i pay for the clothes on her back, the food on the table, i pay for her ballet lessons & outfits, days out in half terms/holidays i pay for, he doesnt even contribute his time to our daughter. This is the last im going to post on here as im getting upset about it. It isnt really about the money i guess, because i have been managing, but i thought marriages were about partnerships.

Good luck Hannah'smummy - your posts remind me very much of how my own mother used to talk about my father
I do hope you manage to sort something out x

wannabe_sybil

I don't know if this will rock the boat...

But if you left and he was chased by the CSA he would have to contribute 15% of his earnings. Does he realise this? Perhaps you could use this as a starting point for negotiations.

I do worry, I have seen your posts when I was lurking and I did worry about you then. Please make sure there is some happiness in your life, I hope with your husband but at least somewhere.

I hope that this is not an inappropriate comment.

tsstss7

hannahsmummy1 wrote: »

Once again thank you for ALL replies. Yes i have been here before and thought we had sorted things out (well you know what thought did) I like the idea of a percentage of earnings etc. He does earn over 60K (just had another payrise) and he gets bonuses too.Maybe i am being unrealistic in expecting him to give me money. He contributes NOTHING to our daughter- i pay for the clothes on her back, the food on the table, i pay for her ballet lessons & outfits, days out in half terms/holidays i pay for, he doesnt even contribute his time to our daughter. This is the last im going to post on here as im getting upset about it. It isnt really about the money i guess, because i have been managing, but i thought marriages were about partnerships.

I agree and you and your OH need to resolve this before it becomes too big an issue.

Personally I'd be thinking about leaving him as it's no way to live in my mind but perhaps that is not an option for you?

In which case you could perhaps begin negotiations with the idea that you are sick of always being poor and so wish to go back to work full time. So in order to do so all you need from him is:-

5 pick ups/drop offs a week to child carer.
half the washing/cleaning/cooking done.
half the at home child care done eg bedtimes, taking to activities etc
half of ALL DD's costs eg clothes, nappies ...
approx £75.00/wk towards the child carer.

Oh and of course he'll need to be aware that he'll be expected to cover half the times when DD is sick...all at a moments notice!

liney

miserly_mum wrote: »

I think your comments are unfair.

The OP has never said actually she wanted to keep all her own wages for herself this seems to be your assumption

Also it was another Member (not the OP) who quoted her previous posts. She has no control over what someone else posts.

Also you say use the phrases "non essential" and "real" bills.

Food is an essential and very real bill especially with a child to feed. I know many of us including myself on MSE are striving to keep our Grocery bills down but £20 a week for 2 adults and a child is (in my humble opinion) very low and i'd find it difficult to maintain.

Now if they were on the breadline or had a tight month because of an unexpected outgoing such as needing a new washing machine or the car packing in then fair enough. We've all been there

But to have to do this on a regular basis even though there is plenty of money there , (albeit languishing in Hubby's bank account) then it's not how i'd like to live.

Maybe the OP should use her non essential xmas and holiday savings to supplement the grocery budget or maybe do without new clothes for her and her daughter instead?

I can sort of understand the Hubby not trusting the OP with money if she has previously been in debt. But not to contribute towards Xmas pressies, days out etc for his own child is hard for me to understand.

Holidays are not essential. Christmas and birthdays are not essiential. I agree that it is not very nice to go without for these things, but they are not essentials.

Technically, the DH does not contribute to days out for his child, but neither does he ask his wife for a contribution from her wages to pay the essential bills each month. Technically he doesn't physically give her money for Christmas presents....he just pays for everything else!

It's swings and roundabouts. The OP appears to be responsible for paying for the grocerys, a cheap car and fluff. The only thing i would have something to say about is the holiday, and out of principle i would probably say i cannot afford to go, because after my other expenditure there is no money left unless i cut my daughters clothes/activities budget which i am not prepared to do. I'd put money the DH would pay for the holiday.

I jst think this bloke is beingf painted very black when he only pays the mortagage, the utilities, the phone bill, the council tax, the water rates, yadda yadda.

bunny999

hannahsmummy1 wrote: »

Once again thank you for ALL replies. Yes i have been here before and thought we had sorted things out (well you know what thought did) I like the idea of a percentage of earnings etc. He does earn over 60K (just had another payrise) and he gets bonuses too.Maybe i am being unrealistic in expecting him to give me money. He contributes NOTHING to our daughter- i pay for the clothes on her back, the food on the table, i pay for her ballet lessons & outfits, days out in half terms/holidays i pay for, he doesnt even contribute his time to our daughter. This is the last im going to post on here as im getting upset about it. It isnt really about the money i guess, because i have been managing, but i thought marriages were about partnerships.

This seems to be a perfect example of middle class husband and working class wife and family, as in your husband is deliberately keeping you in poverty when you could be living in comparative luxury. He also doesn't seem to give you or your child any emotional support. What is the point of being together when you don't seem to get any emotional support from him. He seems to be lacking in normal human emotions and behaving as if he is single. Why did you mary each other ? Life is too short - get a life - move on. I wish you all the best.

squashy

I give my DH housekeeping! He gets £580 a month for shopping and sundries fo the house and £160 "personal" money although he has to pay car bills out of this.

I pay all the bills and put money in the savings and also take money out for myself (a set amount each month that I budget to. I also have little pots for brownies/drama/beavers then xmas and birthdays, clothes, and holidays) Oh yes, I also pay for my step children which is not a problem. My Dh does a fantastic job of running the house and taking care of the children while I work. What we have for pin money each week is roughly the same.

To me it shouldn't be about who pays what, but about lifestyle. If Hannahsmummy's husband is playing golf, drinking expensive whisky and buying £800 suits then it shouldn't be fair that she goes to the library for fun, reuses the teabag and shops in Primark.