what do your husbands/oh's give for housekeeping

StuHolmes

Don't have time to read the whole thread but the first few posts have left me shocked. Especially as you are talking about families with children. Before children my wife and I used to have a joint account and put the same % of our money in for bills and food, the rest was ours to do with as we pleased.

Once we decided to become a family it all goes in the same pot and everything comes out of the same pot. Anything else just doesn't make sense to me. We are a family, a single unit.

fay144

liney wrote: »

Technically, the DH does not contribute to days out for his child, but neither does he ask his wife for a contribution from her wages to pay the essential bills each month. Technically he doesn't physically give her money for Christmas presents....he just pays for everything else!

....

I jst think this bloke is beingf painted very black when he only pays the mortagage, the utilities, the phone bill, the council tax, the water rates, yadda yadda.

Exactly - if he paid half the food, days out, etc, and asked the OP for half the mortgage, council tax, bills, etc, then she would be much worse off. So it's unfair to make emotive statements like claiming he won't pay for anything for the child!

My husband and I pay half each of all food and bills, and what is left is our own. We wouldn't have taken on a mortgage that the lower earner couldn't pay, as I would worry in case of job losses. I do earn a bit more than him, and put the difference in savings towards holidays so that day to day we are on an equal footing. If there was a bigger difference, things would be much more difficult to manage fairly, but I imagine we would split the disposable income equally.

Without knowing more about your circumstances, it's hard to say that this isn't effectively happening for you. You don't mention your husband spending money on himself, so if all his spare money is in savings, it is still "your" money, that may be needed in the future to send your daughter to uni, etc. If you had a completely joint account, it might be easier for you to understand where his money is going, and have a bit more say?

(But keeping a child out of the living room for years is a bit :eek: . Not sure I could live with someone like that)

Miss-spent_2

"I jst think this bloke is beingf painted very black when he only pays the mortagage, the utilities, the phone bill, the council tax, the water rates, yadda yadda"

Arn't men supposed to be proud to be able to support their family and provide a loving, happy, comfortable home for them all to live in?

I am shocked that any man would resent paying for things for his wife and family.

Any

I agree with Squashy - it's all about the lifestyle.
I used to be trainee and my hubby earns probably near the OP's husbands wages. He didn't give me any money either - we just put different amount of our wages to the joint account (him more because of his earnings). I never asked him for money to buy myself nice clothes but that is because - even though he earns that much he doesn't actualy have that much! He pays for my stepson and his debts, so he doesn't live in luxury either.
I am now no longer a trainee and finally earn some money - and I have enough money for luxuries but he doesn't ask me to help him (might be because he is ashamed for his debts, the fact that he actualy earns enough for luxuries but he has got to pay for his stupidness). But I am currently doing the house up from my monies and I got hold of his debts - change cards to 0% etc and once he is out of this we will live like a kings. Now I give him pressies to make up for the spending power difference, but then when I was trainee he paid all the excess bills!

fay144

Miss-spent wrote: »

"I jst think this bloke is beingf painted very black when he only pays the mortagage, the utilities, the phone bill, the council tax, the water rates, yadda yadda"

Arn't men supposed to be proud to be able to support their family and provide a loving, happy, comfortable home for them all to live in?

I am shocked that any man would resent paying for things for his wife and family.

No. That is not my understanding of what a man is supposed to do. IMO a man is not *supposed* to do anything, other than what you have agreed together as a couple.

I can't see any evidence that this man resents paying for his family - if anything the OP is the one that seems to resent paying her comparatively small share.

True, the guy does sound like a knob (with the controlling behaviour and not letting their child in the living room), but not due to the money aspect, IMO.

nzmegs

I simply do not understand the idea of seperate bank account. My husband and I have had a shared accounts since we started living together. He has always earned more than me and I spent a long time as a stay at home mum. But all our money goes into one account, bills are paid and we both keep an eye on how much we are spending and make sure we don't go over board.
Yes this means we are completely open about what we spend our money on and we have a rule that if we spend more than £20 (or get £20 out of a money machine) we have to quickly check in with the other half that it is ok. Who knows if perhaps they have something they need to buy which is more important.
It works well and has done for 10 years. At times when I wasn't working I did feel funny spending "his" money - but I soon cam eto relaise that i was allowing him to go out to work by being at home and making sure our home and children were looked after. I was doing a service and should have equal rights to our income.
I think in this case it is less to do with money and more to do with control. He is not a faimly man and appears disinterested. You need to think about the effect this might have on your kids.

kr15snw

Me and OH live together, but arnt married.

It was his house and at this time its still his house, but our 'home'.

I pay the shopping bill and buy all the treats (take aways, football tickets, new CD we both like yada yada). He pays for all the household bills because..

a) its his house and weve agreed that we still want to keep it seperate as at the mo if we split up im entitled to nothing except my stuff. Which we both think is fair. Next year we are going to buy together though so this will change.

b) he earns double what I do

c) I have about 5k of debt from uni to pay off (credit cards and overdrafts, this doesnt include my loans!) asap and he wants me to clear them

My outgoings are about 500 a month and then the remaining 300 goes towards my credit card bill. Once this is gone, Ill put it in savings so Ill have more to put towards a house next year.

ginvzt

Oh, I think I got it well!!! Just came home, and OH was already back, washing dishes. Now I am here, and he is making dinner! (Well, it is his week of cooking.... We share that way).
We both work full time and have our salaries paid on our own accounts. Half a year ago we would have paid different bills each, one time one pays for the shopping, the next time other one. If I need more money for something because I had higher bills, et., I'll get from him. Our salaries were not far off.

Now we opened a joint account. We still get paid in our accounts, but we will transfer a fixed amount each into joint account and use those money to pay for all joint shopping, bills, eating out, etc. If I want a new top or book - I'll pay from my own account. We also pay petrol from our own accounts (we have about 50 miles commute each in opposite directions!). My car is due for its' service, and I will be paing that myself. If he or me is short, then we will help out each other.

anguk

We've been together for 23 years and have had a joint account since the beginning and always pooled our money. All money goes into the account, bills are paid, shopping bought and if anyone needs anything we get it.

I think the thing that has shocked me most about the OP is that she's having to feed 2 adults and a child on £20 a week while the husband is earning in excess of £60,000 a year and has thousands sitting in the bank! If they were paying off debts or something I could understand it but to me this doesn't seem like a money issue, it appears to be more about control.

rosie-marie

I hate the thought of my husband giving me "housekeeping" - very old fashioned idea. We put all our money in a metaphorical pot to pay for everything. However, if you have seperate finances (which isn't unusual) expenses should be 50/50 split - suggest having a jar where you both put X amount at the beginning of the month and then each top up as it runs out. Time to assert yourself and be proactive I think - good luck.