what do your husbands/oh's give for housekeeping

SarahNeedle1872

OH and I have seperate accounts into which our salaries are paid.... although we both work full time, in virtually the same job, I earn 2/3 of his salary, due to him being on nights..... Almost everything is split 50/50 (we pay our own mobile bills, and personal debts, we share the debts we ran up together) even though I earn less, but out of his wages he also pays Child Support for his DS1, and the CB/CTC get paid directly to me. All the household bills come out of my account, and I transfer the money out of his acc on pay day (or I'd never see it!)
Whatever is left is ours to do with as we like..... I save mine into different 'pots' for birthdays, Xmas, car tax/ins, stuff for DS etc etc.... he goes to snooker twice a week! Needless to say, despite earning more than me, he is the one asking me for money near the end of the month :rolleyes: He moans about how I am 'controlling' all the time, but if he were in charge, we would be homeless! And he hates dealing with money stuff anyway, he's got a totally different attitude to mine.

monkeymouse_2

hannahsmummy1 wrote: »

I have yet to face my hubby about my debts- im dreading it though- i have kept it a secret so far- for just coming up to a year- its hard work, but he is really strict with me & if i do ever try and talk to him about anything he goes off on one. I feel really scared that he will leave me & our daughter and that scares me because i love him. I havent done this to deceive him, and i have tried to tell him, but when i remember what he is like i feel bad to tell him. He has an impeccable credit record, has a really good job with a brilliant salary, has one cc with a limit of 8k but only ever uses a few hundred and pays it off in time, has 22k sitting in his current account- and he says he has to stop over spending!

hannahsmummy1 wrote: »

he has a very well paid job, he just got a pay rise, and will now earn around 57K before bonuses- he doesnt give me a penny- at least he hasnt done since before christmas-out of the money i get each month-which amounts to just over 200-after minimum payments and other outgoings-so the excess gets put towards my debts. He sorts out all the bills and pays them all, everything is in his name too- including the house. As far as he knows i only have one outgoing a month of 10 pounds and the rest is incomings,he knows how much i get paid-i have to give him my wage slips from both jobs for him to put in his finance folders that he has 4 of! He keeps receipts for everything, and knows where every last penny he spends goes. He doesnt blow any money at all never- and he wont be able to understand why i have spent all that money and where it went and what i did with it- this comes from the man who the other day when my daughter got paint from somewhere he went mental (shes 2) and couldnt understand where the paint had come from- i put all the paints away so i figured it must have fallen out of the cupboard- he said it couldnt have- he just doesnt understand anything- i cant have the windows or the blinds open in the house- i cant have hot water on because of the electricity, i cant make many phonecalls unless its in the evening, he goes through the phonebill with a fine tooth comb, gets its itemised and wants to know who it is im ringing, why is the phonebill 30 pounds a month etc- i get lonely as i dont have no family or friends due to having to move with his work. its only recently our daughter is allowed in the living room, we have been made to sit and basically live in the kitchen at the previous house- he says he doesnt want out 2 year old trashing the place. His ex-wife gets money from him, she gets 350 a month, she also got half the profits from their house when he sold it, i never ask him for a penny and he still treats me like this. My parents believe i made a huge mistake when i married him- this is what he is like-hope you all understand a little of what i have to go through now with him

HannahsMummy – these are just a couple of your posts from April/May 2007.
I thought you two had sat & talked after all this, and things were going to be better….

skintchick

In light of the above - get it sorted with him or get out! He sounds very controlling.

poet123

Sounds to me like he is damaged by his past and taking that out on you and your daughter. This attitude is not normal, nor healthy,as has been said you need to sort it out,or get out.

Mojisola

"Originally Posted by hannahsmummy1
My parents believe i made a huge mistake when i married him- this is what he is like-hope you all understand a little of what i have to go through now with him"


From what you've said, your parents are right. Get help to leave this unpleasant controlling man before he ruins your daughter's life as well as yours.

claire1234

hiya,

all my husbands money goes into his bank account which is in his name but i have full athority over and i control,
all his money goes in but i control it all - including dd`s so`s bills, shopping, savings, xmas, treats, etc
i dont work, i run a ebay shop from home any money from this goes into DH`s account along with all other money for bills,

he never asks what the money is spent on nor is he bothered really (he said as long as the mortgage gets paid lol!)
i have tried before to show him or tell him but he has had trouble in the past debt bailifs etc, so doesnt like money!

if he does need money he just says, simple for us really and works well!

Js_Other_Half

All wages end up in a big pot, we each have £100 per month to play with and everything else covers bills or goes into savings.

kazmeister

Hugs to you Hannahsmummy1

I recognised your name and remembered your previous postings too.

If I remember rightly you managed to talk to him and things improved, can you try it again, as in my opinion he is being unrealistic on his earnings with what he is expecting you to pay for.

Good luck

mudgekin

We have a joint account and both salaries go into thet. We both take out what we need on a daily /weekly basis. The bills and eveerything else comes out of that account. We have a separate savings account again in joint names.

We worked for a while in the middle east and we were used to having large salaries, came home and we both continued to spend as though the same salaries were being earned, except they weren't. fast forward 3 years and £36k debt when we had our LBM.

We did the consolidation thing :eek: BUT it worked for us because we both knew what the issue was with our spending. Cut up most of the cards and kept one with the lowest interest that the bank loan didn't quite cover.

We still kept our joint accounts and Im delighted to say that we are now debt free apart from a car loan taken out 3 months ago. At no time did we ever interrogate each other about what we spent the money on or apportion blame. We were as guilty as each other. Even yet, I would be horrified if my DH felt he had to explain what he was spending his cash on and I would be even more horriried if he asked me to account for each penny I spent. WW3 would soon errupt.

I think your OH is being totally unrealistic in his expectations, but what worries me more than that is how controlling it is. This is not normal in a loving trusting relationship, regardless if you found yourself in debt before. The key is ito dentify the issue, get a solution and move on without recriminations.

I think there are many more issues here and IMO they need addressed before any more psychological damage is done to you. I find it abhorrent that someone who earns what your OH does and has that amount of savings is treating you like that. I am not advocating running amok but it seems that he is more interested in money than in his wife and child. Please excuse me if I have spoken out of turn.

liney

£118 PW take home
-£10pw cars (less than actually)
-20pw shopping
-15pw Christmas and Birthdays
-15pw holidays

Leaves you £28 per week for Clothes/activitites.

To be perfectly honest your husband is paying all the essential bills instead of giving you money. Would you care to disclose how much he really is sticking into the pot each month?

Did you expect you would be able to spend your part time wages on clothes and activities when you started working? Is that why you are peeved?

Whilst your husband does sound a little obsessive from the financial point of view his parenting skills in the above thread aren't actually relevant to this complaint. The money he is saving is belongs to both of you as you are married. If you did wish to leave him, you can always use your Christmas/Holiday/Car pot, but please don't pretend you are 'potless' when you have money left over each week after spending on non-essentials while your husband takes care of all the real bills.